Well, what I expected is true. I asked my wife and she confirmed my suspisions. She still talks to him. He's calling her on her work phone so there is no records on my side anymore.

So now that exposure to OMW and OMM didn't work, now what? She knows he has sex with his wife while he's up there with her and that doesn't seem to make a difference. So what's my next plan of action? She still wants to be with him. She still thinks he's gonna take care of her.

navyman, You are expecting too much, too soon. Exposure either ends or often HASTENS the end of the affair. But there are no guarantees and it can take time. What you should do is continue to make trouble for the affair. Such as call up his wife, his mother, your family, her family and any close friends.

When was the last time you spoke to his W? Does she know they are still in contact? This affair will likely fizzle out when she sees he won't leave his wife, so don't give up hope so easily.

I thought exposure hadn't worked, too -- but it ended the affair. I didn't know it had worked, though, for 5 months. And I still had to do a plan B. That was 5 months ago and only 4 months since the NC letter was finally written. This is a long rough road you have chosen to walk with us. Take your vitamins. Sometimes we don't see immediate results, and it's easy to get discouraged and give up. Cash in your life savings and go to the store and buy some patience. You will need it to go with the vitamins. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

exposure took 9 months in my case. I didn't see or understand the effect of exposure until long after I had done so.

Exposure cause enough reality to pressurize the affair and helped end it. It doesn't happen over night!

I think exposure just takes time. You are expecting changes too fast.

In fact, in my case, my H is so furious with me at this point, it supposedly pushed him into moving in with OW this weekend. Now, I know it is really going to be hard for him to work with her and spend all his extra time with her too. To top it off, her 3 young sons will be moving in also in a couple of weeks.

Just hang in there,
Sassygal

I'm in the exposure waiting game too! TICK TOCK, how do you speed up the clock??

Hang in there!!! Be patient and listen to all of this good advice!!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 5

Well, I just talked to his mom for an hour. She is physically sick over all of this. She told me how she supports me and his wife and how she will do everything in her power to help us.

She told me that he calls my wife right in front of his wife. How sick is that, he's got a 5 month old baby and a 3 year old and two others from a previous marriage that cheated on him!!!!! His three brother know about the affair and are absolutely furious with him, and after all of this he's still coming back to Florida. His wife and children are going to live with his mom.

She told me that his wife is desparately trying to save there marriage now. He is also still having sex with his wife every night. he told his mom that I am and have been physically and verbally and mentally abusive to my wife our whole marriage. I asked my wife about that, because it broke my heart. She said she never said that. I have loved my wife all of our marriage the best way I knew how. I would never dream of being abusive to her. She has been a wonderful beautiful wife.

I was riased in a very Chrstian family with oustanding values and went to Christian school all but my last three years. I was raised to respect women, and I have always done so. To hear a mom tell me that she thinks that I abused my wife ripped a hole right through me. I assured her that this was not the case. That I love my wife very much and before this affair have barely raised my voice to her.

His mom begged me to ask her if she understands how many people she and him are hurting? She asked me to ask her if she thinks she's welcome in there family? She can't believe that her son would abbandon(she says she knows he won't) his children. She said he calls his daughter every night to sing her to sleep. I asked her, how could a loving father, that's been cheated on, that knows the feeling from another marriage could possible do it to somebody else? She said he grieved for three years after his ex wife had an affair. How could somebody hwho's gone through that pain do it to somebody else. She told me she thinks it's out of revenge. She told him that I'm not the one that did it to him, and getting revenge on my family is not the way to go. He's in Nrth Carolina as I write either help pack his family up to move into a new life, or his in bed with his wife that he is still intimate with.

I told her, that through this MB and all the wonderful people here, I am making myself stronger and happier and I am treating my with with respect and trying to fill her EN. As much as I can, since she won't let me actually love her. All I am able to do at the moment is, tell her I love her, support her mentally physically and emotionally, take care of our children, take care of house work. The emotional needs that I wasn't meeting were I wasn't showing her enough physical affection, she said I didn't tell her enough that I loved her(I really thought I was), I wasn't talking to her enough or listening, I was on the computer a lot when she was home and after work(12-16 hours of very physical labor) I would come home and lay down on the couch and take a nap.

I am working to show her that I'm correcting all that, and she sees it, she told me she has, but she still doesn't want to work things out, she told me what would make her happy is to be with him.

So how do I pursue? Do I ask for update about him or her talking to him. Do I keep asking for her to make NC? What do I do not to push her away and make him more atractive? I haven't been bad mouthing him, I haven't been bad mouthing her or argueing or saying mean things. I haven't had any love busters in three days. Although, I don't know if you would consider today a love buster or not since I confronted her with this all again. I also asked her if she had sex with him again since the first time to which she replied no.

So what is my next step? Just wait?

navyman, just hang tight. It won't get better overnight, but probably what will happen is the OM will continue to use your W for awhile and then dump her. I doubt he has any intention of dumping his W for her. He will hang onto both as long as he can, though. You will probably end up going into Plan B at some future point, though, so I would start thinking about that.

In the meantime, tell your W what his mother has said about her never being welcome in their home and that he is having sex with his W every night. Don't berate sleazeboy, just tell her the facts and then BACK OFF. She won't like it, but it will be good to plant a seed. You just don't want to make her defensive.

I would also insist that she not carry on her phone affair from your home. Tell her that it is extremely disrespectful and she needs to go elsewhere to make her calls.

hmmm, is her trashy friend, "melissa", still reading here?

Yea, I have a feeling she just read what I posted, because she just called my wife and woke her up out of bed and asked her something about my phone, because my wife said yea, I checked his phone. Now she walked outside and is talking to her in privite. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I guess she's not talking to him from home, only work.

COOL! Let her read the whole thing, lol!

First of all... sorry you are here, but glad that you found the forums to help you through all of this. Now....... stop it with the "I love you's". Withhold a bit of your affection for her right now. Sort of emotionally detach. Do as Melody says, and tell her what the mom said. But not in such a way to rub it in. Just factual and calm, and with no "see what a loser he is" tone in your voice. Don't even be surprised if she "defend's" him when you tell him this.

Also, don't appear needy, whiney or dependent on her in any way. Become a bit more independent in your day to day actions, as if you were preparing to "move on" without her.

Stay away from a relationship talk every time you are with her. Introduce some normalcy into your home. Make plans to do things and invite her to participate. If she chooses not to, do it anyway, with or without the kids. You might even choose to be somewhat vague (not to the point of lying) about your plans if you go out by yourself. Make her wonder what you are up to, and keep her a little off balance anytime you can do it. It's all a mental chess game. You make a move, and she wonders why.

Relationship talks should take place only about 2-3 times a week. The rest of your time together should be pleasant, non-confrontational, and COMPLETELY without LB's. Watch your words AND your tone of voice. Both speak volumes. Never speak disrespectfully of the OM. Try to introduce some of the things you had fun doing in your courting days back into your life.

Continue to post here for support and BELIEVE this can work, because it can, and when properly and diligently applied, usually does.

Best wishes,
SD

That's what I've been trying to do over the past few days. It's helping a bit, but with the knowledge of her having a friend help her conceal the affair and help it along, I have been physiaclly sick all day, and probably lost another 5 pounds. There's some sick people in this world.