Well, any of you that have been follow my story know that my wife is involved in an affair with OM. Same old A story by the book except with something different. Something I haven't read anywhere or heard of yet.

My wife met this "friend" at work out of the blue. I thought this kind of odd in its self. However, the story makes sense after last night. Her supposed "friend" is helping my wife continue her A. Since I have known about the affair my wife has said she was going to cut contact twice. Obviously never did. Well, this last time she stop using the home computer and her cell phone to talk to the OM. Now she is getting phone calls through her friend. He'll call the friend and then the friend will call my wife and tell her everything he said. Thus encouraging the affair.

Now I ask you. What kind of a person helps an affair out when there are two families involved the have WS's that want to make there marriage work? When there are 2 families that have young children involved? What kind of a person is that. How could you sleep at night knowing you are doing something like that. And she told me on the phone that she doesn't want to get too involved. Well, I've got news for ya. YOU'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE! Not only that but you're doing it on purpose.

So I say to you again "friend" I hope you're happy with yourself. I hope you sleep great at night knowing that you're helping break apart not only one family with children, but two. TWO FAMILIES! The cruelty involved in such an act is beyond me. I wish I could understand what makes a person like that tick, because it's obviously not a heart>

Sick 'friend'. With 'friends' like that, who has enemies? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

What kind of "friend?" That is not a friend, navy. A "friend" doesn't help their friend do destructive things. They help them be the BEST they can be, not the WORST. This is no friend. She is trashy and low down and is no friend of your W.

"melissa," if you want to truly be a friend, then you should stop facilitating this affair and encourage your friend to do the right thing. You should not encourage your friend to do bad things that she will deeply regret in the future.

Navy's wife will one day wake up and deeply regret that she has destroyed her family. She will blame you for helping her be destructive. You are not being a friend, melissa.

Real friends don't help friends destroy themselves and their families.

Oh...nevermind...I reread post and clarified. Deleted by me.

Navy, said "friend" will definately pay her increasing debt to the Gods of Karma for this!! I'm sorry you have to deal with this new level of betrayal. {{{navy}}}

Hi Navy!

I am in the discovery stage so I don't have any conclusive proof of OW yet but I have had this nagging feeling that a mutual friend of both WS and OW (possible) is encouraging their so called "friendship". A good friend of mine that has been thru this before herself was the one who actually pointed this out to me but I suspected it myself even before she ever said anything to me. If this is truly the case--- WHY???!!! THAT IS THE 64 MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes no sense to me yet. I have absolutely NO clue why anyone would encourage this kind of thing especially when BOTH couples are married!!!!!!!!! If you figure it out please let me know!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It's definately sick. Sick in the head!

I have been physically sick over it all day. I have thrown up three times at work. Everytime I think of how evil a person has to be to facilitate one of the most horrible acts on this planet. Why don't you just help her kill me while your at it, at least she could get my life insurance then. Not only one family, but two with young children. You have to have a stone cold heart to be part of something so bad.

I took two sleeping aid pills last night, usually only one, and I still couldn't sleep. I can't understand how there can be such kind loving caring people on this MB that want to help, and then at the complete opposite of the spectrum there's her, and anybody willing to do something like that.

Oh but she'll be the first to tell you she doesn't want to get involved! Yea right. What a bunch of crap.

I know I'll never get revenge because I'm not that type of person, but I hope I'm around when she gets hers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

The only "pseudo justification" that I can think of for this type of enabling is if the person doing the "helping" i.e. the mediator, is or was involved in their own affair. Helping another person repeat your mistake might help to justify your own foolishness. After all, misery loves company. I don't know, just a thought.

Navy REDMan

Some folks maintain some contact with reality while having their affair whereas as others are completely engulfed in the fantasy. In fact, many believe they have discovered LOVE and that only they know what real LOVE is all about. The affair participants see each other as the most unique couple in the world with a huge number of obstacles that will not get in the way of their romance. After all they have discovered true love--- the have invented LOVE! None of us have a clue--- they know. Trust me----- your wife feels this way. You cannot talk any sense into her-----she is out to lunch. You are the bad guy in the movie and you can never understand her situation like OM can.

The fact that the relationship is built on lies and deceit does not register into her brain. The lies and the deceit are seen as necessary so they can fulfill what was written for them by the Gods. Remember, this was meant to be! Like all affair participants they believe they are soul-mates and they are blessed. In their mind you do not understand that they have found something very special. Obviously only fools think that way. There is nothing unique about this affair-------- they are all the same.

She will need to find out reality on her own. IF she is behaving as you say------- you must let her go. Let OM take care of her. Pack her suitcases say you want her to be happy and that you will give her up. Be nice, there is no point in showing any anger or sadness. You cannot change her and as of now it is not a matter of LBs or not.

Obviously OM will eventually dump her. By them you will be in a better place and then you can decide if you want her back or not.

Thanx Stan, That's pretty much how I figure it'll happen. His wife and his mom tell me that he's still having sex with wife, however Om denies it and friend confirms it and she believes it. She says she loves him and want to be with him. I think it's funny in a way because they've know each other a total of 2 months and one of those months was full of me in there faces and pretty much no contact between them.

There's nothing really funny about this, but I figure that's kinda comical. It took her longer than that for her to tell me she loved me and we lived together from the very beginning of our relationship.

Hi Navyredman,

Your story sounds a lot like mine, except my daughter is 16 yrs-old. We were married 18 yrs. H left me for OW (his secretary). I have been doing everything I can to end the affair, but to no avail. OW has left her H (she has 3 young sons) and basically went after my H. My H is furious with me right now because I told OW about a booty call he fulfilled a couple of weeks ago. As a result, he has now moved in with OW. I am sure after awhile, he will have to be forced into reality. How can anyone work and live with someone 24 hrs. a day, and I am sure OW is watching his every move right now. To top things off, her 3 young sons will be moving in later during the month. I know my H is not going to last forever. He is also an alcoholic.

It really is sad though that they can leave their previous families behind and only think of themselves. I am sure God has a plan and things will work out to our advantage. Just take care of yourself and children. When and if your wife returns, you may have moved on . . . no one knows what the future holds.

Good luck,
Sassygal

hey navyman

If this affair has been going on for two months, isn't it soon to ask her to leave or is it better to do it as soon as possible before they get more attached?

I would say it's never too soon. The longer it last the more damage it does, the more lieing involved, the more sex involved, the more chance for a pregnacy, the more chance for STD. I don't see any upside to waiting at all. However, my wife is out of my control, I never wanted to control her, but I've realized she going to continue to self destruct and destroy our families untill something happens between them. By then it'll probably be too late for me. Knowing they are going to be screwing like rabits in a couple of weeks is more than enough medicine for me to swallow.

Navy,

Sorry to hear this. I thought I'd put my 2 cents in because your story is very similar to mine.

My WW is having an A with a coworker also. He's married with 3 children of his own and we have 1. There was a close coworker of hers that has helped her continue the A as well. I have not confronted the friend yet and am not sure if this is the right time. My family said patience is what is needed now.

D-day for me was 6 months ago. How about you?

D day for me was a little over a month ago. I found out a little under a month into the A. I pretty much figured it the whole time. I had a friend that talked to the OM at a bar and told me about his intentions.

I usually have tons of patience, but for this situation, I have a hard time knowing how much I love my wife and knowing that this guy is a cake and eat guy(since he is still having sex with his wife and talked her into not going back to her home but rather move in with his parents. He just wants another fling. Obviously he's addicted to feeling of being able to have other women. My wife is addicted to the passion. Which is why she stands to be hurt so badly.

I care for my wife greatly, and she says she cares for me greatly as well. However, when I ask her why she continues to do what she's doing, she has no answer.

And again very similar to my case. The OM continued to have S with his wife also. He even told my WW about one instance which makes no sense whatsoever why my WW would put up with it.

I have 5 months on you right now. If you want to save your M you are going to have to reach deep down and find some patience. She is going to have to learn on her own. I tried so hard in the beginning that it actually hurt the situation. When I started to let up and just be cool that is when things cooled down and anger of the WW towards me started to fade.

Yes, the A is still going on. It still might be a little bit before it ends. In the book SAA it took 1 1/2 years before they got back together. Both of us are still in the early phases. I remember during the first four months I could not control myself. I had lost my mind too. But I can say in the last 2 months I have gotten it together and now that I have I can see things more clearly.

Sorry to say but this is going to take time. It's like my father in law said "It's like an alien came down and sucked the brains right out of her head." It's true because there soul purpose in life is to justify their actions. She will hate you for who you are. She will even change the definition of the word Affair to suit her purposes. Mine sure did. But what I can say is that my W has finally told me she has a tremendous amount of guilt over what has happened last weekend. It's the first step.

I know how you feel about the OM too. Selfish all the way through. Total disregard for the children involved and thinks he can get away with manipulating the 2 woman involved. But again, you must show incredible restraint here because you can easily become the bad guy. I almost did on a couple of occasions.

She will even change the definition of the word Affair to suit her purposes.

Yes, they do not call it an affair. Theirs is a LOVE story------- not an affair at all. They all do it, particularly if one member expresses guilt feelings. The other affair partner immediately says that they are in LOVE, they are not having an affair------- it was meant to happen---- it is not their fault------- it was God who put her or him on the path.

Navy----- pack your wife's suitcase and send her to OM.

Do you now why the romance feels so intense? It is the forbidden fruit syndrome plus the hurdles and instability, The latter causes a lot of desire. That is why affair romance seems more intense. It cannot be conducted in the open and the meetings are sparse and secret. There is also the threat of folks like you who want to end the most romantic story the world has seen. In reality is nothing more than average sex in cheap motels, but they believe otherwise. They are also free from the pressures of normal life. The affair relationship has a different context; it is not open and secure--------- therefore it has to feel more intense.

You must set her free. Call OM yourself and ask him to pick your wife up. I am not kidding-------- right now she has no way of seeing reality. She needs to see OM in the light of day.