In light of your recent actions, I take my recent comments back.

You did great and I am very proud of you. And believe it or not, you just took a great step toward the recovery of your M.

Good job, Hope! Instead of letting life happen to you, you are taking action. And you should be prepared for her fury, that is normal. She may even want to move out. Let her do it. Because this will only help the affair crumble faster when she is forced to face the consequences. So don't despair, it will get worse before it gets better, but that will be progress.


GOOD.

Hope,

You said
You must realize that her 'hate', is very much like a petulant child yelling "I hate you." when they don't get their way. Just let it roll of your back, because what she is really stating is that she is frustrated, fearful, and afraid, but her emotional vocabulary is too limited so you will get the ever popular but very childish "I hate you."

Hang in there. This is not over by a long shot. The "fun" is just beginning. What you have failed to grasp all of this time is that you needed energy in this situation. Nothing changes without energy, and exposure will blast her out of her little fence position. When she starts moving whether it is toward you, away from you and/or toward OM, she is MOVING and that provides you with an opportunity. It is all you can hope for, and all you will need to recover this marriage IF it indeed can be recovered.

You don't know it but you have just given yourself your best chance at recovery. Her anger is a good thing. There is a famous saying by Eli Weismann Remember it when she is spitting venom at you, yelling, threatening, telling you she hates you. It is closer to love than you have been in a while.

God Bless and Good luck,

JL

God Bless,

JL

Wow wow wow

I'm so impressed with you right now HTW. I know, really I do, that what you did was absolutely terrifying and the hardest thing you have ever done. Using the "stick" is the hardest because it really feels like you are hastening the end of your M. I have been petrified to use the stick because I really felt like I couldn't live without my H in my life and that life without him would be a worse he## than what I was going through. I couln't have done what you have done and maybe that's why my sitch has gone on for so long. Using the stick means you have to stand by it regardless of the fallout and the fallout scared the bejeebers out of me.

Since then, I have lovingly detached from my H and it is a lot easier to draw a hard line. That line is being drawn and now I really think my M might have hope.

I am sending up a prayer for you as I write this. May this weekend be the storm before the calm. May this be the beginning of a better marriage for you and the end of the A forever.

<<<hugs>>>
Loni

Hope you are the man now! Way to take things into your own hands!

I am praying that your WW snaps out of it, but even if she doesn't, you are your own man now. You're a good, decent person and it's hard for us get really pissed and go after people sometimes. Well, it was hard for me. Now that little whipping boy part of me is dead and I suspect it is for you as well.

Just concentrate on what it is to be a man in this situation: calm, measured, honest responses; no apologies to her whatsoever; defend the good side of her to all who care; love those kids; keep your d*** in your pants no matter what comes along.

Man, I've been waiting the past 10 hours to see how your day was...I was beat up from work but now I'm pumped. I'm gonna tell my FWW what you did. She'll be proud of you too.

Now just stay in control. You are right. You are right. You are right. You will stop at nothing to save your family. Nothing you do in the name of saving your family is wrong. Your wife's feelings about this do not matter until she shapes up. If she leaves, open the f'ing door for her. If she comes back, forgive and love her.

Darn it I'm pissed about this WS crap going on. I'm not taking another minute of it and neither should any of you! Everyone go get some! Report back with good news of A's kicked only. No more whining and sniveling and bitching.

Exposure is what ruined my FWW's fantasy love and the threat of more exposure, ended the affair. I think with this much family pressure, you may have just ended her affair as she knew it yesterday.

Her Brothers talking to the OM, her mother, etc....the fantasy love just ended!! Good job

Hope...you have come full circle my friend. You're no longer afraid. You have decided to no longer accept the abnormal as normal.

As I look at your history it is me! Same age, same aged children, same crap. I was afarid of many things, being alone was one of them. When finally served with D papers I had a new beginning. Not for us, but for me. Was it hard? YES...but after a long period I found myself. Heck, I was begging my XW for a "second chance" one month afater divorce was final!! Within a year I was fine, Plan B'd her and did not know it...I just could not stand to be around her...it just reminded me of hurt...so I ignored her except for boys.

Hope...you have lost your W...now you're trying to get her back. You'll second guess yourself..that's OK, you should! Either way I am here to tell you EVENTUALLY you'll be OK...

What you need to do is continue to stand up for yourself and I am encouraged for you now....keep us up to date!!

As one who was the victim of a cheating wife, my advice is to stop trying to analzye and fix her behaviors, and deal with your own.

Expose her nasty behavior and let the chips fall where they may.

Take care of yourself. Stop letting her pull your strings. Stop reacting to her immoral behavior. Start doing what you need to do to protect yourself, strenghen yourself (you're going to need it, and build a network of supportive people.

Start acting to do what is right for your. Stop Reacting to you unfaithful wife.

Way to go HTW. Tough decision, but you made the right one. I wish you not too much pain and fast progress.

Well this weekend my WW received the stick part of Plan A!

On Friday night my BIL and his wife came over to talk to my WW so at that point I took the kids out for a drive.

My BIL's wife talked to my wife about trying to work on the M but my WW would have nothing to do with it. She is done it is over. Then my brother in law started grilling her saying things "I know everything" and basically raking her over the carpet. Finally my WW told them both to leave.

Then my MIL came over and also grilled my WW for a short while until my WW sent her away.

I came home with the kids and she was silent with me. She went to sleep in my son's room and then after an hour came to my bed and said " so why did you do it?" to which I replied "I am sick of the lies and can't hide the truth any longer". She said "it's over! Friday you will get the papers".

The weekend was guiet in our house and we only talked of things regarding the kids and necessities. She has taken off her wedding ring again.

Then during dinner Saturday we had an emotional talk where we both broke down. Very sad. She tried to blame me for for her familiy and our current state, but I wouldn't accept blame for it.

She said she couldn't come back because people would think what is he doing with her after what she did.

I told her that people are not judged by their mistakes but by how they deal with them.

I tried to stay positive but I find that I am starting to LB more and more. I just am getting fed up with the whole situation. I just wish she would leave and get it over with.

We talked about splitting the assests and she will get another place near by. I told her that I would love for her to stay and work on the M but if she really wants to leave then that is her decision.

She just seems so determined to leave and get on with her life. In all honesty I can't deal with this much longer so it would be best for her to leave.

She is putting up a good front and all this doesn't seem to be bothering her. I don't know if she is faking it or she really doesn't care what I or her family thinks.

So it looks like it is over and I am just trying to plan the division of assests and get settled in with my new situation.

Now I don't know when the best time for Plan B would be? Right after she moves out might not be the best time, in fact I may be able to Plan A her a little longer with her out of the house since I won't be subjected to her constat negativity.

I would really like some of the vets suggestions on when is the best time to Plan B.

Should I help her in anyway to find a new place and move out or just let her do it on her own?

I need a good plan now.

I have received tremendous support from my in-laws, but I don't know how long that will last since blood is thicker that mud.

So that is it really.

Hope, I would encourage you to go into Plan B very soon here. Don't spend your holidays like this. I would explain to her how hurtful it is for you to be around her and tell her that you would like her to follow through on her plans now. I wouldn't help her find a place or fund it, but you can help her move into her apartment. I would not let her have any of the home furnishings because it is not fair to disrupt your children's home.

I think now would be an excellent time because she would be spending Christmas alone. That would be a huge wake up call.

ML, she has a right to half our assets so how can I not fund her? As for the furnishings she stated she wants several items. Should I just say I'll pay you for what they are worth and you can buy your own.

Hope, I am EXACTLY in the same position as you are now!! You and I are going through the same emotions!! My wife is just "there" no effort, and in her mind thinks she has set her decision. She's talking about, seperating "after the holidays". The only person I can think of that I haven't exposed this to is her dad. Everyone else, I believe has been exposed. OM is a single divorced man, who doesn't work, and has no real family (other than 2 daughters that he rarely interacts with).

I feel for you, literally! Be strong, and maybe we can be strong together, with each others help!!

God bless! A tough journey to be had!!

Hope, I wouldn't let her take anything without a court order nor let her take your money. You should protect your assets before you even tell her so she doesn't wipe you out. It is real common that a WS will wipe out a familys assets in order to carry on her affair.

She should not be allowed to tear up your children's home for her love nest by taking furniture. Make it clear to her that this is your childrens' home and it should be disrupted as little as possible in the circumstances. Since the children will be with you.

And I wouldnt fund her love nest without a court order. Don't make it easy for her to destroy your family. She is going to have to learn to live single, let her find out now. Don't help her do this, Hope.

ML, everything we have is jointly owned. Are you saying that I force her to go through a lawyer to get half the assets instead of doing it without a lawyer?

I can't keep that from her since everything is half hers.

I guess I need legal advice on this.

I'm just a nobody who uses this forum to get insight into things that work and things that don't but I think you need to really read what's being posted by the "experts". Those assets ARE equally hers but right now they are for the kids benefit and when the D is final she can have her "fair share" but for now it's her problem to finance and furnish her new home if she wants to leave. She's seen too many TV shows that make divorce seem easy and fun. She needs to live in reality for awhile. Good luck. I'm hoping for the best...

Hope, I would protect your family money and not allow her to remove your furniture. Your family money and furniture should not be taken to fund her affair! Yes, you sbould force her to get a lawyer to take your family assets. Why is it you think you need a lawyer to protect your assets and she doesn't need one to take your family assets??

Don't do anything. Simply protect your assets by moving your money and then go and tell her she is taking nothing. She will have to fund her affair all on her own. Then leave it to her.

p.s. and how much child support will she be paying? She does understand that she will have to continue paying her share of the mortgage, household bills, etc, right?

I just found out through my MIL that my WW family is having a meeting on Friday where my WW will present her side of the story and plans for seperation. I'm sure she will try to twist things around and take the focus off the A.

I have told my MIL and BIL the thuth and anything else should be viewed suspiciously. I don't know what else to do. She may try to manipulate them some how.

Any advice?

Can you attend?