Hello, this is my first time posting and I need some advice. Last Saturday night, my wife did not come home. She is soon to be 22 and I will be 25 this Saturday. She did finally came home on Sunday afternoon, but was in tears and asked for a divorce. I was torn up and did not see this coming. We had kind of been fighting for a month, but I tried to give her some space instead of talking ( what a mistake ). The Tuesday after she told me she wanted a divorce, she came to me and said she loved me, and wished she would of met me when she was five years older. I have since talked her into a separation instead of a divorce, but have the feeling deep down does not want to work it out. I am lost and do not know what to do. I love her and want to make it work, I really do. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.

I do know for a fact she has not cheated.. not yet. She has also found a place she is going to move into this weekend.

Frankie -

Welome to MB's. I am definitely no expert here as I am working through some troubles of my own. I have a question for you though: How are you so positive she has not found comfort with someone else?? I never would have thought my WH would have cheated on me. What was it that was causing the two of you to fight so much? What did she mean that she wished that she would have met you when she was five years older??? Was she just not ready to settle down & commit to a marriage??

How long have you been married? Give these guys here a little more info & they can help you out!

Kim

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm happy you have found us very early in this. Please read all of the information here, and keep posting. It will really help you.

I am a very, very old woman. I can tell you that in my life I have stayed out all night a few times - and it ALWAYS involved a man. Plus, I never came home the next afternoon in tears asking for a divorce.

So are you leaving something out of the story?????

We have been married since June of 2003. I am fairly sure that she hasn't found comfort with someone else. I have asked her and she has told her parents the same. Though I guess that is only worth as much as her word, and since she is leaving not very much (vows). As for the five year comment, she expects me to be waiting at the end of all of this. I am a very loving and loyal person, but there is so much I can take. She says she does not want to face the responsibilities of being married, which the only responsibilities I know are being true and honest to each other. The things that sticks out about our marriage to me the most now is how she was always worried about how we looked in public versus how were really were. I really do not know what to do. She is moving her things in about an hour and it is going to crush me. I am going to stick it out and pray for the happy ending I would love to have. Upon the advice of my parents, I am going to see a lawyer next week to protect myself. Another point of interest is the relationship started the decline after she had breast implants in January. I did not see the need to get them and she had to have them. Anyway, she talked me into a second mortgage on our home, and that is one of the things I want to see a lawyer for. Once again, any advice or experience, please let me know.

Frank,

Let me see if I understand.....

1. You think your W is NOT having an A.

2. Marriage took a dive AFTER you gave into her 'suppoed' need to have breast implants?

3. The 'need' was based on ________________?

4. You had to take a 2nd mortgage to give her what she claims she 'needs'?

5. THEN she wants a D because she can't handle the obligations of a M?

Frank, u r young and maybe a bit naive but if that don't smell like an A, then we've got the script all wrong.

Your W is not only having an A, she is manipulating you to enable it. How? You give her the $ to boost her boobs for whose benefit? Not yours. She gets bigger boobs and you get a hole in your wallet. You sound like my H's BIL. His sister is doing the same thing except her's is costing more since she keeps having plastic surgery on her boobs (about 3 times), face about 4 times and who knows where else.

BTW, if she isn't having a A yet, she will. She is getting ready for the big one if it ain't happened already.

Son, you need to run. Remove yourself as the $$bags and stop enabling her A or A like attitude.

Go read the book Surviving an AFfair. Then get the next book, Love must be tough. You are gonna need it. Your sitch is screaming out t/b a long drawn out one which if you don't watch out will leave you poor pitiful and desolate.

You can avoid that by getting into a good plan for YOU immediately.

Call Jennifer C @ MB AFTER you do your reading. Make it quick. She can help you setup a plan to help and protect you. Then IF and only IF your W comes out of the fog and stops her destructive behavior, then you w/b in a better and stronger position to help her. Right now you can't.

L.

Hello,

I hope you read orchid's message above. I am afraid that you are in big time denial. My guess is that if you have someone follow her you will see the OM. These are absolute classic signs of someone in an affair. Wishing it is not so will not make it so. You are being played and manipulated bit time. It is time to wake-up.