That is why I believe so many jumped to the negative conclusions..because his latest idea didn't make sense with the Coach, whose advice to others, we have respected. It just proves how much easier it is to be objective when reading about other peoples situations but be near clueless in being able to see the forest for the trees in some of our own situations. We are just too close to be objective.

I wish he'd continue to bounce his ideas off of many of those wiser posters because I think he could really use a sounding board about now.

Good points, Lady Clueless.

Stick around, coach. You aren't the first person here 2 be an unwitting "victim" of a pyramid of erroneous assumptions.

Sorry for mine.

best,
-ol' 2long

Coach, I'd like to clarify what I wrote on your thread. It had nothing to do with your hobby, nothing whatsoever and in the end probably not that much to do with you either.

It is VERY disconcerting to see a cataclysmic personality change in a long time poster, especially one who has been a voice of reason. Your personality change (really your writing style) happened not with your thread but when Pep called you out to commend you on a post you had written. You morphed into a jovial, much livelier personality. Very different. That was the begining, your thread came a few weeks later.

Maybe it was the early comment on your thread that you made to Pep, something along the lines of "Oh Pep my darling, oh why, oh why do you have to be married"? that had me asking myself, "Who the heck is this guy?" Not at all same Coach I've been reading for almost three years.

There was more seemingly out of character stuff and it was disturbing to me Coach, in fact so disturbing that I went to another site to try to work out my trigger to it. I realized that I personally have a hard time with people not being as they appear, call it trust issues, whatever. The result is that your extreme makeover really triggered me. It's my issue, not yours. You can be whoever you want to be where ever you want. I just don't *know* you anymore, I guess.

I probably need to be a little less of an optimist when it comes to others but you know.... the world really can use reasonable people and you were one of those on MB Coach. You will be missed by me in that form. KB

No one is interested in Cameo at all? A story? Anything???

interesting...

Knewbetter
Sometimes comments are taken too seriously. There have been time that Pep has posted something and I am in such awe that I want to post a quick...'I think I am in love with you Pep' post...but I am not even ... that way... so I thought it could be misconstrued.

I didn't interpret those comments of Coach's any differently than some of the silly thoughts I've had.

Pat, I lurked for well over a year before ever posting here, that is not unusual. She may not be ready right to share her story or then again maybe she might be. It's her call...do you suppose that you would be able to help her situation if she were to post? If so, great. If not, maybe she needs to wait so that she can get excellent MB help without getting discredited for being a messenger. KB

Agreed Trix, it was part of an overall context however. I LOVE Pep,(Sweet Potato Queen that she is) too but hey I think she knows what I mean and doesn't have to back off from that.

Edit: I'm also not a man and I don't call her darling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

yet, yesterday, with much glee, you wrote:

I am happy, happy, happy!!! Why??? Because my radar was dead on, because from the very first post I KNEW this sitch was waaaaay off. I actually posted June 16 on a different website about my feelings of being manipulated by this poster. ********PLAYER.********

For the record, I respected Coach up until the first two posts of his little novella. I had actually defended him when he used the word "surreal" to describe someone else's real life story a week or so earlier. Ha, surreal is a great description of his "family" not to mention that wedding. I laughed and laughed reading this latest. I wish H and I had made a bet on this because HE got bamboozeld.I am glad I never backed down on my own instincts.

I feel vindicated at standing my ground that he was lying or at the very least exaggerating. If even if even a smidgen of what he wrote is true, he is still a base liar in the end, abusing the abused as someone mentioned. What made me stop any ongoing reading is that it got so ridiculous, it was like he was baiting us trying to get someone to call him on the absurdities.

I'm sure I am unattractively crowing but hey I AM! This time around I saw *it* coming and I called it. (as opposed to the reason that brought me here.) Ahh, progress.... KB


how can people be so 2 faced.

180's everywhere we turn.


is how people here treat each other a reflection of what goes on in your homes?????


Patriot..I applaud you and wait alongside you for cameo33's response.

as you are eagle-eyed, you will notice that this is my first post and that I registered today. I had to. I was reading here and reading here and could not believe some of the things I have read here...the abrupt about-face.


of course coach has had a personality change...please read his thread and try to understand the emotional impact of everything.

you cannot expect the "same man" that posted on pages 1-10 for example to be the "same man" on pages 29- not considering what he has gone through inbetween those pages

why is eveyone so intent on villifying and maligning...without facts? why are so many of you willing to jump down his throat and attack....many of you claiming 'friendship' with him for over 3 years!!!!!


many of you are so quick to judgment it makes my head spin and others are so quick to jump on the famous 'mob-mentality' train that it isn't funny.

for those that suggested 'outing' him at work....please be prepared for a legal mess...he will be well within his boundries to sue for libel.

you shred, you tear, you misinform, you fall victim to hurtful attitudes and tones.

many of you feel betrayed by Coach

how many of you can understand that he probably feels beyond betrayed by those he trusted most...at home, in his real life, and here, at a place he thought was safe and secure.


think of the examples you are setting.


Blunt

standing on my chair and applauding.

thank you. That was so awesome and so exactly what I wanted to say.


Blunt

Blunt, I think a number of us have. You seem to be a day late and a dollar short. Where were you last night? Maybe you should have jumped in then on the other thread. Oh well.

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

seems to be a habit of mine...but hey..usually I wouldn't even open my mouth. I'm working on it.

the other thread was too far gone for me to reply with any societal niceness.

But Coach invited one and all or rather, anyone to respond on this thread.

so, I'm anyone.


Blunt.

thank you for the welcome, Trix

Already have a predetermined assumption of my ability to help someone? Or my intentions? Maybe someone as lowly as I could give excellent advice too...

Lol, you are a funny one Bluntgirl and I like your screen name! You are absolutely correct, I was gleeful last night and I posted a clarification probably one page back (?) which you partially quoted from.

The personality change came when he was complimented by Pep not after his crisis which led to ME being uncomfortable with the severe flipflop in posting style. THE POINT of the post you are partially quoting from is simply that it's MY issue, not Coach's (trust) and one that I needed to acknowledge for myself.

I've been here a long time and to say I will miss Coach as the guy I posted with and enjoyed reading is hardly twofaced, it's just fact. You seem to have sort of missed the point of the post but that's okay. KB

Already have a predetermined assumption of my ability to help someone? Or my intentions? Maybe someone as lowly as I could give excellent advice too...

She's not posting Pat, her choice. If she comes up I'm sure you'll give her a fair shake. KB

Pat, Just in case you missed it on the other thread....Cameo and Cameo33 are two different posters. Just FYI.

As a writer myself, I thought I recognized what Coach was doing as an old yarn-spinner's trick. If you can tell a story about yourself entertainingly enough, you can focus on the listeners/readers reactions rather than on the real life drama. It's a diversion, a pressure release valve almost. A kind of subtle dissociating that writers do to give themselves mental space. You also see it a lot now in blogs. Writing as defense mechanism, almost.

I hope that is what was happening, rather than creating a tragedy out of thin air. If anything would be sadder than infidelity, ir would be someone faking infidelity for attention.

Hey, didn't we all discuss this in a thread that PB&J started last week about people getting "begged" to stay on when they state an intention to leave. Coach is a smart guy who has told all of us that his time has come to an end here. He wrote the blog, he did what he needed to do here.

Are we all going to be so selfish as to not let the guy leave when he said that is what he wants? Yes, it is sad the way his situation took a trun for the worse yesterday, but he bears a lion share of that blame, as do each of us who responded to the thread. (well ofcourse not Patriot who came 12 pages into it to lay the hammer down.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

There are indeed a number of 180's on here.

This thread and it's aftermath have taken away a good amount of time and attention to other's issues...I am just as guilty as the rest for participating in this, but maybe the Coach leaving is better for all (for now).

There aren't usually any "forevers" or "nevers" on here, and I suspect we will see the man back as he navigates his issues (whatever they may in reality be).

Just my .02.

Sour.....

Patriot..you know getting your panties in a wad does nothing but make your clothes look funny. Whew! Lighten up!

Whether Coach's story is true or not doesn't really matter at this point. It's like when a man is asked if he's still beating his wife. Of course he's not but the words are spoken and the question and all that it implies is out there.

I fell for the story...hook, line and sinker. I won't declare that at this point or that point, I became suspicious. Heck, who am I to you people but words on a screen. It doesn't bother me to tell the truth.

This website is not responsible for our marriages, our feelings, or our lives. To give this place some high and lofty presence to suggest that for someone who uses it in what they deem an inappropriate way and crediting them with harming the lives of other's, is naive at best.

I wouldn't be surprised if he will be around under another name posting in a little different style. He loved the respect that many gave him and that cam be addictive. Everyone wants to feel respected.

Coach I wish you well.

I'm got tired of all the drama a long time ago. I never posted, only lurked. Coach put me in my place a few weeks ago and was backed up and coddled by several respected long timers here because I just hurt his little feelings. Well let me give you my point of view about all of this. I don't know how much of Coach's story is true or not true. However, being the WS myself let me tell you ALL something. Making excuses for your bahavior is WRONG whether it's lying about an A or buying a bulldozer without telling your spouse. I will tell you that Coach's words, along with others who backed him up devastated me. And when I read the "outing", I wanted to reach my hand through the computer and slap the sh*t out of him and others. Let me tell you all who you need to be leary of trusting. It is those here or anywhere else who are so consumed with making sure that you take "responsibility" for your actions that they take the spotlight off any of theirs. Pharissees comes to mind for any of you who are christians. Over the past 2 years I have wanted to die, withdraw, disappear off the face of the earth. But for some people here that is not enough. I'm not sorry enough. My story was questioned. Coach questioned my childhood abuse. Now he has the nerve to come here and put others down for questioning him. What a mighty high pedistal to fall from as I'm trying to drag myself up to earth level only to be knocked down because I'm the WS who must pay.

I'm almost finished. I had decided that I would never post here again. I know that some of you thought that meant that I knew I was wrong and defective and they were right, high and mighty. WEll, if you're one of them, you're wrong. I didn't leave because I was wrong. I left because I would never heal if I stayed here. I would never become strong. I would never become the woman I could be.

So I will leave you with one thought. Please do some soul searching. There are 2 things that I thank God for everyday. One is that, if my CSA made me the compassionate person I am today, I'm glad it happened. The other is that what happened to me 2 years ago finally gave me the wake up call that I needed to get help. If that hadn't happened, I don't think that I would have. I like me now. I know that I am a good person. I know that I am a good wife and mother. I'm definitely not perfect yet, but I will never be the person I was the first 42 years of my life. And you know what, no one here can take that away from me. I know what boundaries are and I have them now. Not coming here and allowing myself to be abused is one of them.

Just remember that what you say in "truth" still affects the person you're talking to. It's not an excuse to be cruel, compassionless, and make assupmtions. Thanks for all the lessons you have all taught me. I can fight for myself partly because of you.