Sorry guys, this is a day by day thing and sometimes hour by hour thing with me. There is too much at stake for me not to work it out with him.

however, because this hasn't been openly dealt with yet and because he gets so angry when discussing certain aspects of it, it does hurt me greatly and at times my brain can go into overdrive. Its so difficult.

So, I believe that I will make the appt. for MC and tell him of the appt. and see if we can deal with it there, so that in our home we are working on moving forward rather than staying in neutral. I just don't see how it can go on while he denies any responsibility for any of the damage in the relationship. I refuse to sweep it under the rug.

I do believe its over, but so difficult not to look back at the dates where he was actively texting her and know what I was doing and why he wasn't with me. On the day of my accident, on my birthday, on the night I arranged for a special trip for just us. On the day we had a very intimate experience. I just don't get it.

Why would he do this to me? It hurts so badly. I can give a list of things I know to be true that he wants to save our marriage and that he loves me and our children. but its like this huge shadow over the whole fragile thing.

anyway...thats it for me for now. We are going away for the weekend again and I'm going to have a rough time of it...