I was desparately close to moving to plan B this weekend. But I did this instead.

I told WW that two months ago she said she wanted to get her [censored] together. Get a real job, figure out her head, etc. I said that I allowed her time and space to do this, but she has done nothing but use it to spend time with OM. After the events this past weekend, I need something to happen. I can't go on like this.

I arranged for babysitting for the kids until school starts which is 8/17 for DD 9/6 for DS. I found another car to drive to work. I told MIL to give WW her cell phone back (she has been "borrowing" it for 6 months, pissing off WW).

She now has her days free to apply for jobs, go to interviews, see her counseler, whatever she needs to do, but she must do something.

She says that she hoped we could still be "freinds" if we decide to end this. I told her that if she really wants this to be true she needs to stop hurting me TODAY, and show mw that she is getting herself together enough to make decisions about the rest of our lives and the rest of our children's lives.

I said if she told me she was ready to come back and work on the M I would not believe her for the same reasons I don't believe her when she says she has no hope. So she needs to prove to me that she is getting herself together in order for me to believe a decision either way.

I am giving WW a lot or rope, I hope she doesn't hang herself.

No, it doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. After all, there's no rush, is there?

It sounds to me like a good plan A move -- others may disagree with me, but you were positive (mostly) you did nice things for her (hiring babysitters, giving her the car, giving her back cell phone, encouraging her to find a job that will allow her some independence and positive self-image, etc. I can't know your tone of voice, but if it was a good one, I would say what you did was setting boundaries. That's a good thing. It proves that you are interested in saving your marriage, and it gives her the opportunity to prove the same to you. I hope this works for you, because if it doesn't, there will be much more pain for you and for your children. Start making a plan for what you will do if it doesn't work. Write it down. Think of options. And good luck. I mean that.

That was definitely my approach. I was very calm, did not LB, but was still firm. I tried to go with the "You don't HAVE to do this, but this is what I would like. Consider this a starting point for negotiation." There was no ultimatum. One thing that worries me is that she had very little to say. There was not any negotiation, but she was listening. If she does not do any thing about this by October, I will move on to plan B (no, I didn't tell her). I have already started planning how that will go down.

I did tell her that I really want her to become the strong, independent, happy woman she was talking about a couple of months ago. I would like to see that again.

^^shameless bump to get some first page advice^^

Well, I tend to think you are probably gonna get "burned" here. You are probably in the end actually "enabling" the dysfunction to continue, although undoubtedly you mean well.

Just my .02.

I unfortunately suspect you will be here in about a week or two ready to blow a gasket when the rope you extended to the Wayward is wrapped neatly around her neck.

Perhaps I am wrong and this is a good idea by you. I still think you are extending a perfectly "rational" idea to a perfectly IRRATIONAL person.....the result is almost NEVER good. I would not mind at all being wrong here.

Sour... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks lemonman. I am prepared for the worst. I have a feeling she will really F this up, but hopefully, if and when she eventually comes to her senses, she will remember that I WAS trying to help her. At least now, she will no longer have any rational excuses for not getting her head out of her a$$.