In the middle of plan A here, I just found a new cell phone stashed in my wifes car...NOT GOOD. I did not look at it as I want to believe the affair has ended. But I also think that any information as to what she is doing is helpful in planning my next steps.

Should I look at the phone and see who's on it? Is it her's? Is it his? Do I confront her? I'm afraid she'll go if I do.


Help!

I would check it myself. I don't know that I would confront her with it. But is certainly seems suspicious on the face of it.

I would rather have too much information than not enough. She recently cheated on you. It makes sense to check a new cell phone. Why would you wish to be in denial?

Well, I snooped at her extra cell phone that I found in her car. It definately is a "hide your tracks" phone. There are only two contacts stored in it, one is the OM. I think what she does is use it for voice mail so she keeps it hidden & turned off, can check it remotely for mail. I could probably figure out her v.m. password & listen to her mail, but that seems wrong, plus the content probably would kill me.

She left today for a sun-mon-tue business meeting. I told her I was worried about the trip, she told me I had nothing to worry about, we hugged and said I love you to each other. That is the first time I've heard that from her in a long, long time. Even befor the afair. If I hadn't found the phone, I would be feeling optimistic now...but I did find it. I can only hope that the affair that she says is over is in it's final stages.

I am wondering if I should ask about the phone. I'm pretty sure she would be p***ed off that I found it. We are suppossed to be open & honest now, but I don't want to set us back any further.

Any advice??

Don't know if it's the PC thing to do..but you might consider simply taking the phone out of the car, putting it on the kitchen table and not say a word.
T

My Wife gets home tommarrow. I don't think I can just let the cell phone thing go.

My thoughts are, should I:

1) Remove it & put it on the table (twyla's sug)
2) Leave the phone where I found it and ask her why she has it.
3) Leave a note on the phone where it is asking her to explain it.
4) Smash it with a hammer.
5) Let it go & work on ME.
6) Use it to call OM & let him Know that I know & threaten to ?@#$!! if he continues contact.

Where is everyone???

Since I still loved my WH (probably longer than I should have) I always worried and was consumed w/fear, anxiety, etc. when I found more proof of his A's..so I know how you are feeling..

Was it actually hidden in the car?? or visable??

Can you check to see the last time there was contact between them?

If it was hidden - then she feels it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS that she has this phone...If she is actively using it - you are NOT in Plan A as a couple..I would not let her know that you found it..I would monitor her usage - trap her then confront her.

If she using it - she's NOT working on repairing the marriage - she like my WH has learnt to hide her A better..and has gotten smarter..

Sorry - but, that's what they do when they aren't ready to end the A. Protect yourself first...

Ithurts, It was hidden (not very well). The last contact was
the day prior, so I know she is using it. They work together, although not directly, they do have contact and answer to the same boss. It is possible she is choosing to continue to use the phone to contact him, just so I don't freak out if I saw it on her normal phone. She has not promised to have NC with him, just that the A is over. I know that's not how this group recommends, but it is as far as I've gotten.

If I'm not in plan A, where am I ? She admits affair, Thinks she wants out, admitts we owe it to each other to see if there is anything there. But at the same time, maintains contact with OM. ?

I guess I'll monitor a little more before confronting her.

Backup SJCC,

Did you get the cell phone number? It’s stored on the phone, with that number you can find the cell phone owners name. Costs about $6 check yahoo names, it’ll come up. You should make sure who the phone is registered to?

After you have all of the facts, decide in your mind what you want to do? You should be prepared that if you push to hard…You might end-up in plan B. But at some point a Come-to-Jesus Meeting is in order!