Elixer:<P>I am what you would call a "creep." Yes, I did something horrible a couple years ago. The innocence in my marriage is lost forever. But I don't think of myself as a "creep." My cousin, one of the multitudes who have helped me through the hell I created, told me I am a good person who made some really bad choices. REALLY bad choices. I take full responsibility for the pain I caused, and do my best every single day to prove to my W that I am worthy of her sticking around. My reward for all this hard work is a marriage better than I have ever had, on its way to being better than I ever dreamed.<P>Some here have already heaped you onto the pile with D99(H), largely I assume due to your anger. I won't do that, because he has proven himself unable and unwilling to take any help offered. I have read your other posts, and don't think anger is All you have to offer. D99 would far prefer to wallow in his anger and hatred, and has done far more damage to his marriage with that than his wife ever did.<P>I don't see you as that far gone... yet. No one would ever dream of saying you don't have a right to be angry. Far from it; it is to be expected. If you weren't angry at what your H did, you wouldn't be human. It was a horrible thing, and likely the worst thing you have ever experienced in your life. In some form, it will likely always be there, somewhere in the back of your mind. But like all life's experiences, this one can be learned from.<P>I also wouldn't dream of setting any arbitrary timetable on your "right" to be angry either. But there comes a time when the anger must be dealt with, or it will consume you. I know there are people here, "creeps" and non-creeps alike, who would love to give you any help to understand the rollercoaster you now ride. We don't expect you to give up the anger just yet, but in order to fully heal, to make your life everything it can be, some of that energy needs to be redirected.<P>As D99 stated, I urge you to look at what some of the people who have slammed him on your thread have had to say. Without fail, every one of the "creeps" who posted to him(and many others) at one time or another tried desperately to help him deal with his anger, and work on his marriage. We were all rebuffed, time and again. It got to the point where it was obvious to many of us that he was more interested in perpetuating the hatred he holds so dear . It's rather sad, actually.<P>Will you let anger and hatred rule your life? Or will you take that energy, and use it as a fuel to make the best life possible, something better than you ever dreamed? Many of us here have done that. I'm not around much any more; I have gotten on with my life. Unfortunately, this place has much the revolving door... a never ending parade of the same heartbreak and misery. But you can learn more from the "creeps" than you ever thought possible. I urge you, so strongly... seek out their help, as well as that of those who have gone and are going through what you now are, before it is too late. Before the anger turns into righteous hatred, and it eats you alive.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited September 26, 1999).]

Whodat,<P>Very well said.<P>Elixer, As many here have said of the betrayer (not the ones currently here, you’ve owned up to the mistakes & are trying to remedy it) they promised to “love, honor & cherish until death do you part“, not until something better comes along or you get bored.<P>However, we, the betrayed have also said the same thing, “to love honor & cherish until death do you part”, not until something goes wrong and you really got hurt by them. Are you honoring your spouse now? Sure doesn’t sound like it. I totally agree that they could have done nothing worse to us. Gonna hold it over their head the rest of their life? Then get a divorce. She doesn’t want to live with the hell you seem to want to dish out. Okay, you’re angry and justifiably so. Let her know you’re angry, but don’t take it out on her.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

CA123,<BR>Chris,your story has always been one that has broken my heart. I am a father with two small children, and I hurt for you and your little ones every time I read you...<P>My friend..sometimes you wonder off on branches of syntax without logic...yes he/you promised to "love, honor and obey"..till death do you part..."not until something goes wrong and you really get hurt by them"???? CA.....does this mean, that you will spend the rest of your life..living without a woman..."Honoring" your wife..who has deserted you..and your children..for her own pleasure??? Will you honor her..when you are 65 and she is living still with this piece of trash??? I think not..but only you can know.<P>It gets ridiculous to continue to put on the betrayed, the burden of keeping the "farce" of a marriage going. What is there to honor about a woman who is screwing another man..and who cares nothing for her children?? Honestly...my opinion only..NOTHING!!..so where does that leave Elixir and you?? I don't profess to know.<P>Just food for thought........a man or woman does NOT have to put up with total betrayal and disrespect for their entire lives..why should they???<P>take Care.<P>

D99,<P>Yes, I do get off track sometimes.<P>Do I intend to put up with this for my entire life? Absolutely not! However, I think the betrayers in most cases felt they had “put up” with something from us for a long time. It may not have been much to us, but to them it may have been an incredible burden.<P>When she decides to come back, if I’m still around for her, then I have no intention of continually throwing it in her face. Obviously we will have plenty of issues to deal with concerning her affair, but the focus of marriage should be on restoring/repairing the trust and commitment. It ain’t gonna be easy by no means.<P>Did your Wife ever do something (besides her affair) which really ticked you off? Do you still bring it up to her all the time? How long could someone put up with that and feel like they are totally in love?<P>I guess what I was trying to say in my original post was there is no sin which is greater than any other. Some may hurt us more, but in God’s eyes, a sin is a sin is a sin.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hi,<P>As I've replied already a couple of times, it's amazing the assumptions that people have made about my life in the absence of any information. You may want to read my latest reply in the thread I started for further information.<P>If you are not being unfaithful or hurtful to your SO, and if you have accepted responsibilities for such actions in the past - IMHO you are not a creep. You are somebody who has recognized their failings, and who has struggled to overcome and become a better person. However, in the past you WERE a creep. <P>My post was not directed to those who were truly remorseful - it was directed at those who had no remorse, who did not recognize that they had any responsibility for their actions/choices, and at those who were currently betraying (betrayers, OP).<P>If you have overcome, I congratulate you on your success in bettering yourself and on rebuilding your relationship with your SO. I just hope that those who have not been able to come to the conclusions you have and who haven't been able to resolve their situation can sit back and ask themselves "Why?" and from there perhaps begin to change for the better.<P>Elixir

Elixer:<P>No assumptions made here; I was only addressing the anger in your post, and there was no assumption necessary to see that. I didn’t know your story, and in all truth, the story itself was irrelevant. Glad you see the damage that anger does, and glad you won’t let it consume you. That was really the only point in my message. <BR>