I am having a horrible time doing plan b. (I did a plan A for 3 months, but nothing was changing.) Although, I have not made any contact for 7 days, I just want to pick up the phone and call WH. First few days were peacefull for me, but now I just cant help wandering what he is doing, if he misses me, if he is happy or miserable. My mind is going crazy. All I know about his whereabouts is that it looks like (from bank statements) he is going out alot and spending lots of money at bars. Maybe he is happy. I still check the cell phone call log, and he still hasnt called OW from that phone. I dont know why he is still trying to hide it. He is only calling his one drinking friend (every hour). And i think he is getting bad advice from him. His parents and family are also maintaining no contact to him, in hopes he will come to his senses. He used to be a very family oriented person, and his actions have taken everyone by surprise. Oh, I cant wait for this to be over!

Plan is is very hard, but why are you checking his phone records? Plan B is for YOU the BS...it is NOT, I repeat NOT to get the WS to END the affair...You must go into Plan B with the mentality that IF the Affair does not end, then YOU must move to the next step...

Plan B is to remove YOU from the Chaos...and checking his phone records every hour is not removing you from the Chaos.

Who cares what he is doing! Just as you are thinking of him, he is thinking of you! What if he was calling OW every second? What would that do? Stop checking the phone records.

Did you do an effective plan A?

You need to remove yourself COMPLETELY from this. That means no more checking phone calls, no more talking to his friends about what he is doing, etc...let him call OW...let her fill all his needs. IF he does not end the A, then you must be prepared to move on.

It is also the weekend, which is another reason you are feeling this way. Go do something...go to the movies, to lunch...go do something for YOURSELF! Do not worry about him!

Hi Bella! Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it now.

Let me first say that there often isn't a lot of traffic here on the forum during the weekends, so if you don't get a whole lot of responses, please don't be discouraged. . . bump up your post again Monday, 'kay?

You're in a very lucky position in that HIS parents and family are supporting you in Plan B. That's not as common as you'd think and in some cases, doesn't always last. Not trying to discourage you, just trying let you know so you can be aware and act accordingly should they decide to break NC. But for now, he has got to be one miserable guy!

Do you have children together?? You really think he is still in contact with OW? Have you exposed beyond family? was there a Plan B letter, indicating exactly what WH needed to change before your relationship could begin to be restored?

If this man was always the family type, I can't see him gaining any serious gratification from going out to bars and drinking. the fact that he's going out as often as he is leads me to think (1) he's trying to fill that void you left when you initiated Plan B or (2) he's just been really repressed and is attempting to regain something he thought he'd never had an opportunity to do. Either one won't make him feel whole, he's soon to find out.

Maybe he is happy? I wouldn't bet on it.

I know you know this, but don't call him, Bella. NC means NC. You have the upper hand here. Don't give him any indication to think he can come moseying back to you without having anitiated any of the changes you outlined in your PBletter. The onus is on HIM -- he needs to change to be able to come back to you and prove he can be the H (and/or father) you know he can be. Letting him stew in his lonliness and misery for a while is a GOOD thing.

**edited to add -- MF4M is soooo right. Plan B is for YOU. Take a deep breath and go do something nice for yourself this weekend. He will do whatever he is doing with or without you having checked on him. there's nothing you can do about it.

Except let him imagine what he is losing!


Best wishes,

slh