I've been posting under the General Q forum, but I guess I should start posting here. U could go to the forum to read my sitch.

Sitting here today and it hit me that the D is happening. I thought maybe H would see reality and not want to go thru with it, but I guess I'm wrong.

Having a hard time dealing with this b/c I still love my H very much and all he wants to be is happy. Apparently wasnt happy for a long time. Do they not realize what this is doing to the family. I know we had problems but he left it up to me to repair these problems. It wasn't just mw it was him aLso. Why do they opt to leave the m instead of working it out.

Advice needed to get thru this.

D

brokenfamily,
First of all, your family is not broke. My H served me in May and I will say, as much as I love him...that's right I will always love him, I was relieved he did. There is nothing worst than being unhappy in a relationship, for both parties. And trust me, eventhough I haven't read your messages from the General section, if he was unhappy, so were you. I find it hard to believe that one person was unhappy and the other person did not know it or did not have similar feelings. If you did all that you could do to save the marriage and he still decided to walk-on, then let him go. It is not easy...it is painful...you will invest in a lot of Kleenex, but you can't keep someone who doesn't want to be kept. It will make matters worst.

I don't know if you are spiritually based or not, but if you are, it is best to attend a church you like and trust. Seek spiritual guidance to get you through it...I did. I joined a local church that has a great support system...I mean these people didn't know me from Adam, but would call me just to make sure I was ok. You will need that type of support...because there are going to be days when you will doubt yourself worth.

Read Matthew Chapter 7 and 15. Matthew will describe the meaning of a marriage. And it is written that if one spouse is a nonbeliever and decides to leave no matter what, then you are clear. There is no burden or no guilt to be had by you. When I found this I felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.

So hang in there...Read John Chapter 1. It says it is not wise to be wishy washy. So whatever decision you make stick to it and don't waver.

Finally, put your faith and trust in the Lord. Each time you wholeheartedly put your trust in your H you will only set yourself up for failure when he disappoints you. Remember what goes around comes around and vengeance is not yours...

Nomoregames

It's been a few days of not posting but still reading.

I recieved a letter from my L the other day stating that STBXH was served on July 15 and that he had 15 days to respond. Well the letter stated that he had not responded and they diarized him in default. Not knowing what it meant I placed call to L and left messages for him to contact me.

Well before I heard back from L, Son advised me that STBXH wanted to talk to me about paying for sons schooling. Now, I have been in NC with my STBXH for over a month. I told my S that as long as he's with OW I will not discuss any issues. I sat and thought about it and thought that this is regarding my S education that i can do this. Boy was I wrong, the second he answered his phone I broke (started to cry). Anyways, we did talk about S schooling, but it wasn't about him paying, it was about where the money is going to come from because even though he took all the funds and gave my 20K back from the sale of our house the 1st time when he left us the 2nd time he has no money. I told him that I would pay for it with what I have left from what he gave back. He expects me not to do this blah, blah, blah. Next breath, he asks me not to get mad, but he wants tp takie some of the money and pay camper off because he can't afford all the payments and pay cs at the same time. I didn't give him a yes or no answer.

He then went on to say that he wasn't mad that he was served,I said why would u be mad that this is what u wanted and that i was forced to do it. I told him to please reconsider and not sign the papers. He says tht its to late to turn back. I told him that I wanted to fix M and he keeps saying that it can't happen, that there was a reason that this happened he's not sure why but it will come out. God doesn't give us no more than what we can't handle. Yes true, but God doesn't like D.

I told him that the reason was for both of us to realize that needs wern't being met on both sides and that we know what has to be done. I told him that when he came back the 2nd time that things were going good the first 2 wks. He says tht I was being somebody I wasn't. He says that I will meet someone else one day, that he's not worth what I feel for him. He then says that this is not easy for him, that it hurts him that he can't see the girls bc the girls won't talk or see him bc of what he's done no once but twice and the constant lies.

I then told him that all he wants is to be happy, but what about me and the kids happiness. He says he can't come back and live a lie. He can't feel for me the way I want him to. I ask him how he can love me, hug me, kiss me, tell me he misses me then turn and leave. He says bc that's what I wanted and not him. I told him that if OW stayed out of the picture by not calling him when he asked her not to that this would've worked. He says that she has nothing to do with it. I then asked him how he can have a phone hooked up with her as her using his last name, he tells me that he didn't know about it that the phone company had did that. He said that he wouldn't do that to me (yah right). I told him to do what he wants to do, but to reaaly consider not to sign the papers and said goodbye.

Well L called me back and I asked what the letter mean't and he advised me that he had gone to court for me, and got a court order to respond by Sept 22 or he will be arrested if not. L told me that he's not going to let him off easy, that he was an idiot for not responding in the first place. I didn't know that it gets to this at all.

My Q is will this be the final straw to even hope for a R bc I know that this is going to PO the x.

I talk to friends and family about not wanting it to go any further that i love him and they are starting to get mad at me for not starting to go on with my life. One friend even said that if i turn back now that she won't even talk to me anymore. After all that he's said and done. I see all that, but i still love him and want to save my marriage if there is any chance, but i know the OW is more important bc he's happy now.

sorry for babbling. I just need to talk to people who understand what i am going thru and understand how i feel.

Responses would be appreciated. Trying to move forward with great difficulty.

D

We don't know exactly what your state laws are, but in general, his "response" need be nothing more than returning the notice of service. Usually, this requirement can be satisfied by his lawyer picking up the phone, calling your lawyer and simply stating "We acknowledge service." Beyond that it means nothing. The only purpose of the acknowledgement of service is to protect your H's legal rights, not yours. Still, it cannot be ignored. What is more important is the "Consent to Try" document, which must be filed with the court. It indicates that divorce settlement has been reached and you are ready for the court to put the case on its docket for a final hearing. Execution of this document usually cannot be forced unless evidence is presented to the court that the defendant is stalling without cause.

He's telling you that he's finished. Does he really mean it? Only he knows for sure. But if he's still with his OW, there's nothing for you to do but move on. Despite what he says, she has everything to do with it. And you are right; as long as she's in the picture, there's nothing can be done to save your marriage, sepcially since the divorce is in the process.

Steel yourself to the fact that this is going to be difficult. Don't forget to separate emotions form the legal proceedings as you go forward. The two are like oil and water; they don't mix.

Brokenfamily,
Bottom line...and don't take this harshly...

LET HIM GOOOOO!!! If he wants out there is nothing you can do or say to prevent him from leaving. He needs to move on and so do you...I have been there and am dealing with it myself. If is not easy but you need to seek guidance...you need to talk to someone face to face to vent out all frustrations, emotions and feelings you have to let go. It is his loss and you a wonderful person he will miss out on.

You will be fine, but the sooner you address it the better.

Good luck,
Nomoregames

PS In my previous message I had John Chapter 1 to read on wavering...it is James Chapter 1. Sorry for the mistake.