D-Day ~2/26/05

Caught her at the OM house April 14th.
Caught her in a lie about her where abouts May 10th.
Went to the Marriage Builders weekend May 13-14
More truth came out in July 6th
Caugt her at the OM house July 16th

Now even the people who supported me by giving me hope about her are now saying leave her. And of course the voices that always said leave has gotten louder. In IC I am tould that I need to think of myself and I told my WW that I want a divorce. She doesn't even fight for our relationship. That hits very hard. Even got a call from the Marriage Builders coordinator but no change.

Q. Is it my fault for not switching to a plan B at any of the above periods? Or the more minor ones in between

Planning to talk to a lawyer tomorrow and start the divorce preceedings.

Q. Am I know at the point of no return?

I felt so much better after telling WW that I wanted a divorce, but that great feeling is turning into sarrow. WW acts like nothing is wrong. Talks about future joint plans.

Q. Can there still be time for a plan B?

Finally a question over. If I even go back, I don't know if I could ever look my family in the face again.

Q. Point of not return?

I guess I take the Marriage Builders theories to heart. As if it was the marriage gospel. Knowing she went and saw him again that would mean reseting the withdrawl clock back to 0. Heck, she called him Friday morning I learned the clock reset again. I don't think I am strong enough to go through it again.

mutt

I think it is time for a good Plan B.

Yes, it certainly sounds like it's not over. I'm really am sorry to hear it. By all means start plan B. You can decide from there what to do.

If I found out about contact, he would be out, or I would leave. Once through this hell is once to much.

You have been trying, you've gone to the MB seminar weekend, for gosh sakes, you're probably the one asking to do all the homework.

You are within your boundries to start plan B. And if it doesn't stop it, plan D.

Just typing to see if it will calm my nerves any.

In less than 2 hours I have IC, but two hours after that I have a meeting with lawyer. This scares the crap out of me, but I feel it needs to be done. I feel I will end up with the short end of the stick, but at least it will be an end.

It is scary.change always is.and you probably feel sick to your stomach all the time! I know I do in dealing with my H
and his affair with his exW. I plan on making him leave the home if changes do not occur within him....no more games. Don't put yourself thru this emotional game she seems to be playing. Does she show any signs of remorse and brokeness over what she has doen to you and your marriage? If not then it may be time to cut your losses!

You know I think many people get into the mindset that these principles will save their marriage if they just do them. They don't purport to do that, even despite many peoples extreme enthusiasm. There are never any guarantees and even the Pope himself (Harley) says that.

You sound like a beaten man. My advice to you is if you want, start divorce proceedings in secret and in the mean time try the PLAN B BY THE BOOK (no mention or threaten of divorce), with no modifications. DO IT TO THE LETTER. GO DARK.....EXTREMELY DARK.

You do not have anything to lose. BY doing it this way, you can still get your divorce with no delay but you can also perhaps shake her off the fence back into your yard. Your WW is still cheating and betraying you. I don't know if your marriage has any chance (it may not), but if you just divorce now, then you know that it has NO CHANCE. I would do a Plan B and see it as analgous to going for it on on 4th and 25 with .02 seconds left in the game. You can always get that divorce cooking now, but you CAN'T always do a PLan B when you still have some "love" left for your wife.

As an aside, IMVHO you do not owe your wife $hit. You can divorce her butt tomorrow and I think you would be justified in never looking back. You do what you WANT and FEEL you need to do. No one should ever make you feel "bad" because you chose divorce for her now.

There is nothing wrong with saying as you say: "I don't think I am strong enough to go through it again."

BOL,

Sour.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, I left. Leaving my wife did not seem as difficult compared to the reality that just never once asked me to stay. Instead help me load my car. The hardest part is my DD. She cried keep saying "I love you". As if my heart couldn't break anymore.

So plan B. No contact with the WW. Can I do it is the question. Already realized I forgot meds. Still have things at the house. I think I am so unorganized for this.

As for the divorce. I told her that it been on my mind.

I don't know. If she asked me to stay or said something....

I know plan B is for my protection and help turn her around, but I am less than 1 hour in it and I feel it will destroy me.

Why did you leave ??

Depends on what part you are asking.

That I caught her at his place again. That she told me she told him she loved him and wanted to be with him. That she lied again. Hence, I am trying to go for plan B (at least I think I am at times and plan D others)

Or do you mean why did I leave instead of her? Thats easy. The children. When something hurts what name they call? mommy. When they are scared what name they call? mommy.

Now there is no denying that I have fear of taking care of the kids. I can take care of them in short periods alone but I fear that I will screw up. Still that makes her the better choice.

For me being the one leaving can be the worst thing for me, but the better thing for more children.

mutt,

is she on her right state of mind to make best decisions for your young ones in light of what she has shown in A ?.

is she still the better choice ?.

Sorry you are hurting but I could tell you that WW & OM will have going away party w/o you. Just be strong.

What does W.Harley tell you to do ?. I think you could reach him by email ASAP.

JMVHO -rh-

Right now I would have to say she is the better one by far.

One reason is part that hurt. It didn't seem to bother her that I was leaving.

I wasn't well prepared. Ended up spending the night in my office with little sleep. And now I feel I am on the emotional rollercoaster that I was on before the meds.

Did some work earily this morning with no problem. Sent email to my dad about future plans and then when I started recalling my daughter when I said goodbye and all of a sudden I am suicidal again. I think I am just to much of a chicken.

mutt ... call 1-800-Suicide if you are feeling suicidal, someone will talk to you.

You are in 'coaster, do you have someone to call or talk ?

-rh-