Hello everyone,

I'm a newlywed and my husband and I are both in the military. I'm Army Reserves and he's Active Duty. As you know...there is a lot of stress put on military spouses. But we seem to fight all the time. About silly little things. I feel like he never hears anything I say to him....and I tell him that and he will just repeat everything that I just said back to me. I know that he hears me...but I want to know that he understands me. Also, I haven't really had a sexual drive towards him at all. I love him with all my heart, but I can't seem to be turned on. His job keeps him busy alot and he has several hobbies that he enjoys that keep him out of the house. We have just recently moved to Alaska which is about 6,000 miles away from home. I feel all alone. I don't know anyone up here and I'm not the kind of person to go out and just meet people. I need friends and people to hang out with too!! His friends wifes all have kids and jobs that keep them pretty busy. Please help me...I don't know what else to do!!!!!

First stop is to go up to the concepts link, and read everything under it so you have a common frame of reference for communicationg with the other people here that will offer you advice and postings filled with shortcuts and abbreviations...

Next stop is to read *all* of Dr. H's material in the Q&A section on practical application of the MB concepts, including 15 hours of Undivided attention, and dealing with Independent behavior and Angry Outbursts and safe negotiation, and POJA, and all that stuff.

You may want to consider asking your H to look at some of the material as well, but that's a judgement call. It can be easy to perceive itas an "attack" if not handled well.

AFter that, there is an Emotional Needs Questionnaire that you and your spouse should fill out, (if he will), and then work on meeting the top EN's of the spouse.

Getting a copy of His Needs/Her Needs wouldn't be bad either.

If you post some more specific scenarios, it will be easier to help as well.

I think you guys should set up a good time and place to discuss things. I also think you two need to follow the MB rules of engagement for having negotiations.

Maybe you could write him what you feel and have him read it. But make sure to take the writing back when you two are done for the session so that he cannot reread and reanalyze things while you are not there.