Is it bad to feel better when WS is feeling awful?

Yesterday's counseling went as I thought. Started off about the two of us, but quickly swung to OW & what WH could do(to get her out of "abusive" sitch) I listened for a bit, then began to get pretty irritated & mad(no angry outburst though). I expressed my thoughts(calmly) & explained that this was hurtful and disrespectful.

I asked the counselor in her professional opinion did she think that I or WH could "rescue" OW. She said NO. I said that I didn't even feel like I should be at the session as the marriage counseling was supposed to be about rescuing our marriage and NOT rescuing OW.

I will skip through a lot here, but Counselor ended up making it pretty clear to us that WH at this point was doing more harm than good for OW sitch & that OW was "sick" and her family was "sick." That WH has been sucked in and that she felt he needed to seek counseling outside of her(re: needing AD's and to see a psychologist). He's not sleeping and not eating(could be from worry, but I am thinking it is from major withdrawal)

She suggested that maybe WH needed some time alone to be able to come to some kind of a decision between me and OW. She asked me what I thought -

ME: I turned to look straight into WH's eyes and said: I have said this before and I will say this again. I believe in us. I will continue fighting for my marriage. I love WH and he is in some pain right now. I am going to be here for him.

Counselor: Wow, WH that is pretty special. You have BS here who is here for you through all of this. WH, how do you feel about that?

WH: I appreciate BS and what she is doing. I don't know where I'd be without her...........

WH slept in our bedroom last night and when I came up he held my hand.

Fast Forward to tonight: OW called WH this morning & told him to stop making calls on her behalf. She was totally ticked off & cussed at him(He actually called her doctor on Tuesday to ask about their policy on reporting abuse!!!!!!) I asked him if he planned on stopping & he said yes, that he hadn't done anything since Tuesday.....That actually hadn't spoken with each other since last week....

Just thought I'd share something positive for a change!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kimberly
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5

Kim, I am very impressed with how well you handled this! Good job! I think now you will simply have to help your H through withdrawal but make sure you have firm boundaries in place and demand respectful treatment.

MelodyLane -

Thanks!!! I owe it to coaching from you and Believer ----- I will need to work harder on implementing the boundaries. When will I know when the time is right to ask WH to write a NC letter??

Kim

Oops, I meant to mention help from LemonMan too with his posts!!!!

A big thank you!!!

Kim

Kimberly -

All I can say is WOW! That was great. You stood your ground, and set your boundaries, but still let your WH know that you are there for him. I'm amazed.

Thanks Believer! On the way to our car, WH apologized for the way the session went. In the car I said that I didn't want to hear anymore about OW's sitch, that the session was about all I could take.....

I still need to work on being more firm with that though. I know I have tons of work to do, but I am feeling pretty good tonight.

Thanks again for everyone's support and for pushing me and being hard on me!! Keep it coming at me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Kim

Kimberly -

You did just fine. It isn't bad to feel something for the OW. It just shows that you are a good woman. But now it is time to take care of Kim.

Stay firm with your boundaries. Support your husband when he is acting like your husband. Otherwise, stick to your guns.