I spent the entire weekend doing for me. I had my hair done and a make over. Then I spent Sat.and Sun. with my daughter and her friend who is like a daughter to me having them help me buy a new wardrobe. I had lost 25 lbs. and thought it was time to turn over a new leaf in the way I dressed. But many time all I could think of was how I wish he could see how I look now, or before he would go shopping with me and help me pick out my clothes, or when I got home I would model for him. Now it is late and all I want to do is cry because I miss him so much and done know what to do. I want to work at getting him back but I don't know how. I can't call him ( he has no phone) I live 86 miles from him. He has told me to get over him like I can snap my fingers and all the feelings and love I have would disappear. I guess his did. I never felt so alone or so afaid. I know I want to much just a magic word to either make him call me or for this past year to disappear. Or a crystal ball to see if he will come back.I hurt so bad it so hard to do this. I want to be working toget him back but don't know how or I want to know if there is even a chance he will come back. No difficult questions here!!!!! I just don't know what to do. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

SDS,<BR>Glad to hear that you did all that, at least you know you can, and remember it. See, you know you have to keep going for those Grandchildren and your children. Sorry to hear about your Son, but glad it is working OK. <BR>I think, from what I learned in your profile, and here, that all you can do is wait, or move on, which ever comes first. You know there are lots of things that can happen yet, his situation may change, he may miss you more everyday, he will have contact with you forever because of your family, there will be lots of times that you can feel what is going on. I never begged my H to come back, it was all his idea, but, in my case we didn't live apart, just in his mind. After that many years of marriage and a family, (we have been married 30 years last June) there are LOTS of memories to bind you, even every day reminders. He can't get you out of his mind totally, that's a fact.......Hang in there as long as you can, your mind will change if there is no responce from him, you will start changing too, you are only human.<BR>Almost <P>---------<BR>TIME

Hi SDS -<P>I have no words of wisdom, no magic wand.......I am in the same place.<P>I can tell you that you are not alone - neither there: with your family around - nor here with us around!!<P>Yes, sometimes you can feel so lonely and confused trying to understand how the heck they can turn off all their feelings for you and your life together.<P>We will not be able to understand how that is done....because we just plain can't do it!! Can't even fathom it!!<P>Part of the fantasy of theirs is what I tell myself.....something they need to convince themselves of.<P>I can only offer a BIG HUG and an ATTAGIRL!! for creating a new you with the look!!!<P>We'll make it through this, if it kills us!!!! We have to pray and have hope and do for ourselves and the ever present WAIT!!!!!!<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba

Thanks AH and Sheba for the words of encouragement. Night time is the worse, when everyone goes to bed and it gets quiet, it is always too buszy, noisy and hectic dduring the day to do much thinking but at night..... I should be use to being alone at night he worked nights for the past two years. Thee only nights he was off were Sat. and Sun. nights. But the other nights at least the past year he worked with her and when their work was done they had fun. I keep hoping that he has been bombared by the memories as I have. If he has I done understand why he hasn't tried to contact someone in our family. I don't think I could deal with the memories if it weren't for my family. The affair has ben going on for a year, it has been in the open for 6months and he has been living with her for 2 months. I feel so helpless. I am one of these people you want to take care of things deal with it work on it make it better. I don't like not being able to do anything, just sit and wait( actually not sit but you know what I mean.) This MB does help but sometimes I can't even red about the sucesses or that the couples are together. Guess it makes me a little jealous and hurt that I'm not in that position. I know it is suppose to make one hopeful but sometime it makes me feel so alone. Guess I'm in a feel sorry for myself stage today. I know things would be a little better if I could find a job. Thanks for all the support. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>