Hello all, just found this place and wanted to say hi.

The wife filed on me on June 17th and its been one heck of a ride since. The divorce is non-contested and both got what each other really wanted. We share 3 kids, with my oldest (son) having cerebral palsy.

Our relationship began in jr high and we are now both 26. Been married 8 years this coming Wed. She has ran around on me 3 years ago and when we were dating in high school, but I have forgiven her. I havent been the best dad since my sons diagnosis which I feel caused the affair. I freaked and went to sit on the sidelines after I found out of my sons condition. It takes two people to tango and get in a mess but right now I carry most of the weight. Since she filed we have gone from being angry at each other to wanting to rebuild in the future. We look at our relationship as a scab that cant heal, we just keep picking at it. I feel it will work if we really want it. She is on the back swing right now though and is trying to distance herself from me. Its a rollercoaster for sure. I guess she has to hate me before she can release the resentment.

Any advice or encouragement is appreciated.

I'm glad that you hold no anger and bitterness in your heart towards her for her betrayals for that has freed you to move on with your life after the divorce.


Not true. While it is true that both of you bear equal responsibility for the state of your marriage, she is solely responsible for the decision to have an affair. You must own up to YOUR mistakes, just like she has to own up hers, and work to remedy them. I highly recomend that you read Dr Willard Harley Jr's books 'His Needs, Her Needs', 'Surviving An Affair' and 'Love Busters'. These books will give you the tools to become a much more emotionally attractive man to any woman who is searching for one. Who knows, your STBXW just may take notice of your changes and start being emotionally drawn to you again. But that can only have a chance of happening if you read and implement the principles embodied in them.

TMCM

Thank you for the encouragement.

Yesterday was our 8th anniversary, one that tested my strength to say the least. I did get out of the house and took my two dogs to a park and let them run around (something I never do). I also picked up a few self help books and found (like you said) that I need to focus on myself and not my partner.

Funny thing is that it talks about "soulmates". I told myself "we used to call each other that". Its all so strange how two perfectly insync individuals can ever have their relationship derailed. Its awful sad.

HurtingFool,

Sorry about your divorce. I wish that I had some words of comfort for you, but there is no comfort for you right now beyond this: take it day by day. In time, you will heal and feel better.

Also, don't beat yourself up too much about this divorce. Let me be brutally honest. You and your W are 26 years old and have been married eight years. That means you married at age 18. The failure rate for those who marry so young is near 100%. We just aren't mature enough at so young an age to handle the difficulties of marriage. Moreover, we change sooooo much between 18 and 25 and more often than not our high school sweetheart is not the person we, as adults, would want to spend our life with. On top of your young age, you and your wife had three children in a very short period of time, and one has cerebal palsy. That would put a tremendous strain on any marriage. If you are like me, no one could have convinced you of these facts when you were 18. So here you are now and what has happened has happened. We live and we learn. Sounds to me like you have learned a lot for such a young man. Let this become your strength.

Best of luck to you.