My WH is doing everything right to fix our marriage. He wines and dines me, compliments me, calls me all the time, even holds me almost all night long.
This change in his behaviour started before I found out about the A. It started when the A ended. I found out during a routine Pap about 1 yr after A ended (WH gave me an STD).
Anyhow, I always question my WH motives for being so nice to me.

For instance, WH came home after a round of golf and suggested we get a sitter and go out for dinner. In the past, this never would have happened. When I asked him why he wanted to go out for dinner, he simply replied : he wanted to spend quiet time with me. I started to cry!

I don't know how to react. I'm so afraid that it's all just an act to buy me over.
He knows that I'm always thinking about the A, and it's his way of changing my thoughts around. I dislike walking around gloom and doom all the time, but I can't help myself.
I keep thinking that he's done something, and feeling guilty for it.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Any suggestions on how to move past this?

Thank you so much in advance,
Kimmy
I

Perhaps he's truly remorseful, and doing things right. Bask in the glow. His motives may be completely on the up and up. But as a BS, you know the drill.....TRUST, BUT VERIFY!

Make sure you have "things" in place to make sure this is not a more complicated way of staying in contact, by "fogging" your thinking while smothering you with attention.

If there are no signs of this being a smokescreen, perhaps you have a truly sorry FWH. If so, and I hope so, congrats to you!

Keep your eyes wide open and your ear to the ground!

Best wishes,
SD

The *real* question is, "Are these changes permanent?" Not "are his motives pure?" You can never know whether his motives are pure. (There probably is some self-interest involved. So? You have him in a position where you and he can make the M better.)

You and he have to establish a new relationship, with better communication between you and he. And, this is certainly a step in the right direction. Are you and he in counseling? Are you and he trying to learn new skills? Are you and he trying to make the M better?

I gotta go along with the JimmyMacMan .... his comments and advice are right on the money.

I also think his motives are sincere so use it as an oppurtunity to make your marraige better. Make sure you know where he is all the time though and if he has nothing to hide, he will gladly share that with you.

Sorry about the pain of the affair.... Hurts like nothing else.

Thank you!

The question is : How long will his 'niceness' last. True. I guess that's what I'm most afraid of, FWH will change, I'll be the fool for having stuck around and tried to make it work.

I went to a MC. It was awful. I left feeling worse then when I went in. As soon as I sat down. I started telling him why I was there. I got ..."oh..my like I haven't heard that story before! Your h had an affair on you!!! Wow!" I felt belittled. Then as I was leaving, I asked him "so, how many marriages survive affairs?" He said to me: "Well, I'll be honest with you...H did this to you before...I'm certain of it!" (ummm...he never met my H and I never gave him any clue that maybe it happened before. H was very forthcoming on details with me...and swore it never happened before) Then the C continued "so I'd bet my life he'll do it again...so truly your marriage has maybe a 2% chance of survival, most M don't survive affairs!" I thought he had just stabbed my heart. I left feeling hopeless and more depressed than ever.
H won't go now. FWH says that he talks to the guy upstairs, realizes what he did was the worst mistake of his life, he's just glad I'm giving him this second chance and he's going to prove to me that our family is worth saving.

It's difficult during great moments to not get emotional, and bring up the A. I am constantly, constantly...questioning H about silly things. I used to be the most confident, happy person. Boy, have I changed. You know it's bad when your hairstylist notices a change in you!
It's so bad, that H has said that he will make a recording "yes...I love you, yes I want to be with you not only for the kids but for you...I want to be with you forever!" (as OW said to me that H only was with me for the kids, and that he really wanted to be with her).

I don't want to ruin our chances of a full recovery with my incessant questions, and emotional outburts.

Thank you for all your help and support!

Pureangel
First of all get a new MC.yours sounds horrible.Like you said she don't even know you or you H and is telling you oh he did it before he will do it again.Bull crap.Some do. not every man is a total loser.Don't let her get you down.
I am 7 months into recovery.My H has changed.Changed so much sometimes i wonder were did i get lucky enough to have him.He is the one that cheated.My H used to come home and spend time on the computer watch tv.I would do the cooking the cleaning get the kids ready for bed.I did everything.He played his guitar daily and sany daily..
Now he comes home kisses me.Helps with dinner,helps clean up.Does'nt go by the computer.Does watch some tv.In the past seven months hes picked up his guitar ans sang maybe a hand ful of times.He wants to spend all his free time with us he says.I hear i love you all the time.He plays more with the kids.He hates to play bingo but sence i like it he takes me all the time.He likes it a little but i know he goes to make me happy.When im sick he is all over me,before it was do you need anything and that was it.He attempts to cook and wash clothes.He has been doing this for senen months,with no signs of slowing down.
Only you truly know your H.Some people here will tell you it is out of guilt,but only you can really seen that.They don't know how they were before.
Don't let this MC put a damper on your recovery.We only went to a MC twice.She never told us anything like yours did.
I am like you we could have a great day and stupid me will bring up something stupid.something i have asked over and over.I don't know how to stop.I know it hurts my H.He too is trying to get over what he did.He feels very guolty and is making up for it in action and in words.Hes not out there buying me expensive things taking me to expensive restorants.He is doing things to show me how sorry he is and to show me it has always been me that he wanted.
So if you feel your H is true to his word than believe him,let him show you.Also make sure you tell him you notice the changes and you are happy he is doing this for your M
good luck,#1mom

Thanks for the advice...I really appreciate it.

Wishing you all the best as well,
K