First time to post. Desperate for some advise. I'm ready, after 17 yrs. of marriage to hang things up...I don't feel like I can take anymore. I'm tired of feeling as if I'm the only partner in this relationship. And raising our children seems to be up to me, and no ones doing a good job at that either. I work and come home every day to find my "second" job waiting on ME...while everyone else just sits around and takes advantage. I am so tired mentally, physically, and my spiritual life is a mess as well. Any advise out there....Thanks!

I'd encourage you to read teh "concepts" link up at the top, so you have a passing familiarity with the lingo and abbreviations and terminology tha tmay be used by posters following up.

At first blush, since you don't give any real personal history, nor a lot of detail about ages, husband, any of that, so it's hard to be specific.

But first step I'd look at is establishing some respectful boundaries around the behavior that you're willing to accept. Both from your H and from your kids.

And you have to be able to defend those boundaries w/o a bunch of LB's and AO's and all the other things that drive people away.

The boundaries book by Cloude/Townsende would probably be a good first step. While I haven't read it myself, those that have are very enthusiastic about what it says, and that's from people I trust.

Perhaps TR or somebody could swing by and offer some suggestions too.

If you post more specific problems, it would help people most more specific suggestions on what to do, but as it sits, the help would have to be vague, because the ? was vague.

I'd agree set up some boundaries, give your kids a list of chores to do around the house, they live there, they can pitch in. Your not their maid, your their mother trying to teach them to be responsible adults.

There is a thread on the Emotional Needs section of the forum that has some information on Boundaries that you can check out.

Sorry for not getting into more detail. There's a long history here and so many years have gone by with the same problems reoccuring over and over. Understand at this point I am so tired of trying to hold this marriage and home together. Mentally...physically...spiritually...I am drained. I am 44 and my husband is 39. We've been married 17 yrs. I had a 8 year old daughter when we married, and together we also have 2 sons, ages 16 and 14. When our middle child was only 18 mos. old, I found out I was pregnant again. This was a complete surprise as we thought my tubes were tied. However, this was not a bad thing until my H would not touch me or have anything to do with me whatsoever. I felt so alone and night after night I sat during the night crying, wondering what to do. Then one mo. before the babies due, my H becomes desperately ill, has surgery, both of us out of work, and I'm left to take care of it all. Two children, one a baby, one on the way, and a husband to take care of too. After maybe a yr. or so I left, with all 3 children. This was hard for me, but at least for the first time in a while there was PEACE in my home. Financially we had nothing, but I started back to school and felt good about myself for the first time in a long time. Needless to say, my H and I got back together, and for a short time things were better. Slowly old habits sit back in, additional bad habits have developed, and are now turning toward the children. I feel so alone. I go to work, come home, and begin my 2nd job. My life evolves around my children. My H has a very stressful job that requires some traveling, plays golf, is into archery, and is an avid hunter. It seems he spends the majority of his "FREE" time away from his family. We definitely spend zero time together. I've been known to sit up dates with him and slowly they die down, because of his disinterest. As for our family, there is constant disrespect for each other in out home. I have tried to have family meetings to sit boundaries and distinguish chores between us, to only be into it for maybe 10 mins., and it fail because no one can agree on ANYTHING. My husband seems to disrespect me so, so how in the world can my boys be any different? I strongly believe it begins with him. He's the male role model for our boys. We are christians, however if you could see us now you would'nt think so, sadly to say. And I strongly believe this could completely have a turn around, if my H felt that way too. This marriage and the commitment to it seems to be one sided, and how can it work under these conditions? I'm starting to Real Estate School in a few wks. so that I can prepare myself for what I feel I have no other choice to do. I feel as if I need to get on my feet, so to say, and take care of me and my boys. I want my marriage to work more than anything, but I'm tired of being alone, and being married to someone who is extremely self-centered, and does'nt seem to want to work on our marriage or our home life. It seeme to be more than he's willing to do. Any suggestions out there? Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />