Was considering looking online at personals sites and so I asked some single friends who do that about it.

They responded me with some things to look for and avoid. Here they are:

1. "Just looking for friends" - They said to avoid these women. I mean it is great that they are honest but why would someone pay to put an personal add on a DATING site if they were just looking for friends. To them either the person was lying. She wants to date and become ronantically involved, but she doesn't want to sound desperate and so lies. Or she has issues with men. Either one is bad. Wanting to take things slow is fine, "just looking for friends" is bad.

2. (Not picky but I want a kind, compassionate, masculine, strong, fierce at times, rich, well groomed, handsome, generous, makes my priority #1, makes my kids priority 1.5, lets me be independant from him, yet is innoxirably attached to me, loyal, great in bed but only when I want it, mindreader, emotional but not gay etc.)
Guess what ladies...the perfect guy does not exist. Pick 4 of the most important qualities and list them. Keep the rest of the stuff to yourself. My friens told me they would occasionally go after these ladies and pretend to be all these things just so they can sleep with them and then break their hearts. It was their way of tearing these "princesses" down. Mean I know.
I don't play those games but neither will I ever reply to a woman who wants the perfect guy or anything close to it.

3. 5'0" women seeking 6'5" men- Ok nothing technically wrong here but the guys just warned me against this one because she is probably looking for the ridiculous height disparity for a reason, and it is usually sexual.

4. 21 Year old woman seeks men 35-60. Buddies told me this is a classic "Gold Digger" here. Sorry fellas, there is no other reason a woman half your age would want to be interested in you. Unless she met you through other means and had a chance to get to know you and your personality.
To each there own I know.

5. "I don't usually do this but..." My buds told me this is a bit of a turnoff because the woman considers the dating site a sign of desperation. And therefore she might very well consider you desparate. Or she might think that you think she is desparate. Get my drift? Either way it is not a good way to start a date.

6. "I love sports, fishing, cooking, cleaning, sex on the first date, ie- anything else you love to do I love to do also."
My buds tell me that if it looks to good to be true, then it likely is. Nothing wrong with listing your hobbies and likes, and it might just be that you share all of those traits. But the chances of a woman liking everything you do is slim, and none. Unless of course she is just trying to get a ring on her finger, and will say/do anything to get it. Those women are the most dangerous because like my wife, they change on you eventually and become someone you did NOT fall in love with and would never had said "I do" to.

Anyone have others?

I don't know if this post is allowed by the rules of the site or not, since it's a bit risque. I've cleaned up the language a bit. If not, Tempest, please feel free to pull it and accept my apologies. A friend of mine sent me these when I told him I was going to give on-line dating sites a try. Some seem a tad misogynistic, but they are meant to be taken toung-in-cheek. So ladies, before you get angry, consider that you could probably come up with a collection like this yourselves.

Interpreting On-line Dating Profiles

Her profile says...
What she really means

"I'm outgoing"
I'm always out hitting the bars and clubs and flirting with everything in sight. I can't be still for a minute without the help of barbiturates.

"I'm fun-loving"
I'm a party girl, who at 34, still behaves like a horny sorority sister.

"I'm hard working"
Two possible interpretations:
1. I have a low-paying, menial job that I'd give up in a minute if you'll offer to be my sugar daddy.
2. I'm one of those self-important, usually incompetent, but pushy b*tches, scrambling up the corporate ladder, hammer in hand, ready to smash that glass ceiling. I'll crush anything and anyone who gets in my way. I'll have about one possible evening per month available. Have your people call mine for something in September.

"I love my kids"
Of course, I love my kids. Every mother loves her kids. Yet the fact that I make mention of something so obvious means that I'm looking for a new daddy for my kids.

"I'm energetic"
I'm manic-depressive and in a manic stage just now. I'll run you round until you drop from exhaustion. But in a few weeks, you'll be hauling me to the ER to get me treated for an overdose.

"My friends say that I..."
Usually seen very near to "I'm outgoing," I mean that wherever I suggest we go on our date, my friends will be there. We'll talk about people and things you don't know about. Oh, and I'll put their drinks on your open bar tab.

"I'm honest"
I'm dishonest.

"I hate players"
I really love players. It's just that you guys have gotten so bad at playing. Throw out a line I haven't heard yet and you'll find my panties on your bedroom floor before midnight.

"No games please"
I'll be the one playing all the games, thank you.

"I keep fit" or "I work out x times per week"
I'm a gym bunny who thinks her stuff doesn't stink. I'm vain as hell and have a whole wardrobe of cute Lycra workout cothing. I've discovered that the gym is a great place to flirt with sweaty, macho guys.

"I'm Independant"
I'm a pushy b*tch who cares only about herself. I want to be in complete control. As soon as you express deeper feelings for me, I'll dump you like a bad habit.

"I'm spontaneous"
If I get an opportunity for a date with a better looking man, or one with more money than you have, I'll blow you off with some lame excuse.

"I'm adventurous"
I like to go on weekend trips to exciting and exotic places, and I expect you to buy the airline tickets and make the hotel reservations.

"I'm sexy"
I'm easy.

"I know what I want"
And it's money and some eye candy to parade with in front of my friends.

"I'm looking for some to hang out with"
I'm looking for someone to pay my way.

"Friends first, maybe more later"
Brace yourself for the longest and most gruelling job interview you'll ever experience.

"I'm exotic"
I'm as crazy as a sh*thouse rat!

"I'm very positive"
I'm absolutley clueless about everything of importance. Someone could nuke downtown and I'd say "oh! isn't that mushroom cloud fabulous!?"

"I'm the life of the party"
I'm going to get sloppy drunk when we go out. When you go to the men's room, you'll come out to find me slow dancing with and grinding my crotch into the groin of the guy who was sitting next to us before you left.

"I'm low maintenance"
Two possible interpretations:
1. I'm a pig. I dress like a refugee from a 1960's commune and care absolutely nothing about my appearance.
2. I don't think spending $70,000 of your money money on clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, massages, the gym, a BMW, tennis lessons, tanning salons, manicures, a shrink, Paxil, Valium, and requiring that you walk on pins and needles 10 to 14 days per months in order avoid my mindless PMS rants means I'm high maintenance.

"I'm stylish"
I'm a clothes hound. I completely refurbish my wardrobe every year. Everyone at Lord and Taylor and Saks knows me on a first name basis. You're going to spend hours watching me try clothes on. Do these shoes match?

"I'm romantic"
I think rubies and diamonds are very romantic. I want you to be romantic, especially on Valentines day.

"I like art, theater, concerts, and cultural events"
But can afford none of this on my $24,000 salary. Please keep the number to Ticketmaster on you at all times.

"I'm looking for a serious long term relationship"
Duh! My divorce lawyer told me I actually have to be married first before I can rape a guy in family court. What a bother!

"I like fine dining and elegant dinners at home"
If the tab for dinner on our first date doesn't top $200, I'm history. I can't boil water, so you'd better be trained at Escoffier.

"I don't need a man to feel complete"
I don't want a relationship with you. I'm just looking for someone to pick up the dinner tab. I'm considering becoming a lesbian.

"I require total committment"
I catch you even looking at another woman, I'll feed you your boys on a platter!

"I'm passionate"
"I'm so far over the top on my issues that I'll make you crazy within a week. And, no, you pig, I didn't mean I was passionate in bed!

"I'm carrying a few extra pounds"
Yeah, like 90 extra. I'm 5' 4", weigh 220 and really give the seams on my size 22 dresses a workout. On a clear day I can be seen from space. But you won't be able to tell much about my size from my air brushed, soft focused glamour shot. When we meet for the first time, I'll be standing right in front of you and you'll be wondering if I've arrived yet. Are you going to finish those fries?

"I'm looking for my soulmate"
I've read so many women's magzines that I couldn't pick reality out of a line-up. If you don't have a diversified and reasonably thick stock portfolio, don't have VP behind your name on your business card, don't drive a Lexus, and don't look like Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan, you cannot be my soulmate.

"My friend talked me into this"
And we're sitting here right now, polishing off a bottle of cheap Chardonnay, laughing at your pathetic, gullible [censored] for falling for this profile.

"I'm a sexy, blond haired, blue eyed uninhibited beauty,seeking an adventourous man to help me realize all my hot fantasies"
I'm a 300 pound, balding, 36 year old, homosexual virgin, who lives with his mother and a miniature poodle. I spend most evening hanging out in a teenage chat room where my handle is "HotTina69." There, I often get 16 year old boys to masturbate in front of their web cams.

Ok, I've read and I have an Online Profile, now here are my personal facts and how would you write the profile? because from what I read, I'm a cast iron *itch!

profiles require a physical description:

Female Age 47 5'8" 122 lbs blonde blue

I'm employed, been in the same industry for 27 years, one company 15 years current one 8.
(friends describe me as dependable and so does my employer!)

I do love my kids and read on you might understand more about why.

Energetic:
Well, lets see, nasty divorce is over 2/03
hysterectomy 5/03
double masectectomy 1/04 I'm lucky, great doctor caught before it turned malignant, I'm unlucky because I have no body fat, the lasers the Dr. used caused some burns and an old scar fell apart, soo...2 more surgerys, but I'm made whole, and determined
Then SEptember 2004, my house is devastated by 2 hurricanes and 2 insurance adjusters try to finish me off but I'm more determined, I work 2 jobs to keep an apartment for myself and my daughters, get enough insurance money and start ripping out, rebuilding myself and the person who helped me, voluntarily is my 18 year old daughter, damn right I love my kids and I'm proud as all get out! we rebuilt walls, rewired, improved, put in surround sound wiring, rewired phones, tiled or ripped up old tile and retiled all the floors, And one major hurtle were 2 bathroom windows that had to be replaced, which required forms being made, rebar, cement and a lot of skill.... and it was a friend that I made through an online profile that just showed up on his own, spent his free weekend sweating and doing the work with me assisting and following his direction, he's cantankerous, at times rude but has a heart of gold that he keeps buried, we respect each other and we are just friends and I would not give up that friendship for anything.

How do you describe it? Scenerio: Hello, I'm a woman with more power tools than most men in general and I not only know how to use them all, I have and still do! I'm proud of it and I want what I want, someone exceptional, who needs me because I enhance his life, not because I can be a door mat or the family that you pull out of the closet when needed.

I don't do this to out shine anybody, I did this to have a home again! It is also great for toning up the body! Tarping roofs will also give you a great tan.... after the sunburn! ok, how would you write my profile, these are facts...am I supposed to make less of myself for the sake of some unknown person? I don't want anyone like that! I want someone who calls and says want to help rebuild a house? ..... ok, well did that, hmmm, well maybe not the whole house, still resting up from this one (and I still have a sense of humor!)

What 3 things are your favorite hobbies/like to do's?

What are you looking for in a man? Pick your 4 most important EN's.

Name 3 things that describe your personality.

Are you really looking for a man to love? I mean, ar you willing to devote 15 hours a week of your time to someone of the opposite sex?

Does your daughter live with you?

Are you churchy? Fanatic?

Answer those and maybe I will draft something up for you.

LOL, ok, have at it
enjoy: movies, reading, motorcycle riding, music and some dancing
hobbies: Home improvements (just went to the bottom of the list! LOL)
looking for in a man: integrity, honesty
someone who is comfortable just being themself
intelligent with common sense
Sense of humor
my personality:
Integrity, honest
shy at first but not within my own circle
I'm very direct but with tact unless the situation calls for more
generous, I go out of my way to help
a great sense of humor
Time to devote? What if his schedule does not have 15 hrs a week, but I always make time where it is responsible to both careers and understand priority's.
Yes, my daughter lives with me but at 18 has her own schedule, about twice a month we do a Mom/Daughter night
I go to church once in a while, I have a strong faith in God but not in churches. I believe in living life as an example of what to be, not preaching it to people.

Well have at it

Did you want me to have at it?

That is a bit foward don't you think?

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Ok here is what I would write.

Title: Hi there!

Hey fellas,

Anyone up for some dancing?

Or a little tender romancing?

How about a quiet afternoon riding our bikes across the countryside?

If you are interested just drop me a line. Ohh and why not include your favorite joke too? I smile and laugh alot and a man with a sense of humor invigorates me. Make it tasteful please, at least at first. *wink* *wink*

More about me you ask? Well, I'm a girl who knows what she wants. I am open with my feelings and find lying absolutely distasteful. Just not my thing. If I am a bit shy around you at first it is just becaue I like you. Don't worry, once I warm to a man there is little I won't confide to him.

I do have a daughter I completely adore, and now that she is 18 I am sad to see her all grown up.
On the other hand that does leave more time for getting to know you now doesn't it?

Looking foward to hearing from you gents.

How about:

"Friends tell me I look much younger than my age"

What does that mean??? I have seen 50 year old women who look like 67 year old grannies, and 58 year old women who are just plain hot!

"I want a man who will make me laugh"

OK, am I supposed to be a comedian? Don't you have your own sense of humor? Should our first date be spent watching old Seifeld shows?

"I work out daily, jog, play tennis, baseball and racketball, practice 3 differen martial arts, pilates, yoga. I play 18 holes of golf in the morning, run a marathon in the afternoon, and lead a woman's aerobic class in the evening"

Goodness. If I ever managed to work up some passion in this gal she would probably thrash my poor body to within an inch of it's life.

JustinExplorer, I'm sorry, I will apologize now but just laughed and thank you it felt good.
QUOTE:"Goodness. If I ever managed to work up some passion in this gal she would probably thrash my poor body to within an inch of it's life." ... WHAT A WAY TO GO!

Tibolt, I liked it but at the same time it sounded kind of forward to me but I still might use it. Maybe I'm a wayward woman in the making!

but.....then I realized, how much we read into things, (we read between the lines) when maybe that is not what was intended by the writer. I admit, caution should be used at all times but it also shows how jaded we can be. Don't throw caution to the winds but don't prejudge either. or maybe its just not time yet. How did we develop relationships before we were married? The old fashion way of verbal communication! I was not a big dater before I was married, and I'm the same way now that I'm divorced. It just shows that I'm consistent!