Where are you? I'm having a really hard time and need your insight. It's been fourteen months since the oc dday and things are still in turmoil. Child support and other issues are still being fought out in the courts. I'm going crazy with hurt and don't know that I can continue fighting the good fight for much longer.

Crynsomuch

14 months???? You are now out of the shock and the reality of your life is clear. What is going on legally? Are you pursuing visitation? OW trying to control?

The best thing is to have a good attorney and fight for what YOU want.

Let me know what is going on. I will try to help you.

I come here, but things seem to be under control pretty well. Board sure has slowed down since it changed.

Yes! 14 months. I'm going crazy because of it. No, we are not pursuing visitation and have no plans too. It took several months just to get the dna results back. Several more months for the case to go from the prosecutor to the family court system. Rescheduling of court dates by the judge. You name it, it's happened. OW lives in a backwoods county with a court system that seems to drag it's feet very, very slowly.

Everything happening with the courts right now is regarding child support. It doesn't seem like it will ever end. My H has a long distance attorney handling the case. The OW however, doesn't have one.

The longer this takes the less I feel able to deal. I'm getting tired of the ups and downs. It's getting really old, really fast.

I'm still having a really hard time accepting that this is in my life. It's never going away no matter what I do. It'll always be in my kids lives. I'm still very angry at him for what he's done.

If at all possible I would love to correspond with you outside of this board. I hate the ow/babymama drama that seems to erupt every so often. It only serves to add to my already overwhelming stress.

Crynsomuch

Ok dear. Take a deep breath. If some ow comes on here I will battle her, you just scroll right past it ok?

1. Child Support is a given. So don't waste time wishing it off. OK? Once it is set, read and learn all you can about increases and decreases. Figure out what you need to be making to decrease it. Can he accumulate hours to be paid into a retirement account instead? Speak to your attorney about this. Let them know you want to protect future assets.

2. Since you are going no contact, it will be much much easier. You won't have to worry about having to explain the child to people, or upset your children.

3. Have your attorney start insisting that things move quicker. Will you owe back support? If it becomes a hardship, due to their lack of speed, maybe you can have it forgiven?

4. As soon as this is done, it's over. OW is probably dragging her feet cause this is her only victory. Fight back.

5. This will be nothign to you in time. It will be like a car payment. Mean nothing at all. 14 months is a hard point. Heck it was hard for me too. Over time, it all gets better. You will have birthday parties, holidays, all the good things in life. Let them come, enjoy them. Let your husband make this up to you. Don't let this control you anymore ok? Go and live your life. Especially since once this is done, you don't have to deal with the ow/oc.

I realize this is difficult to deal with. I know. But why let it ruin the day? The ow is the "what was I thinking" memory to your husband. Just like the geeky kid we used to have a crush on, thinking we would marry some day. We remember and think "ick, what was I thinking?" That is what the ow is only more so. The oc? Well, that child really doesn't have to concern you, and since you are going nc, move on.

Tell your husband what you want/need from him. I guarantee that this will all settle down, your life will be fine. Heck it goes by fast!! Our child support is over, done!!! It all went by fast. Due to excellent advice on retirement accounts, etc. we now have a nice nest egg. We were able to defer some income to retirement accounts, thereby keeping cs low.

Trust me, at 14 months out, I would have been where you are at right now. Mad, not sure, etc. That is normal, as long as you let it be normal. I bet if you talked to your husband about all this, he would be a help too. He probably feels as bad or worse as you. And when you want to vent and stamp your feet, come on here and let it rip.

I have been gone for a while, I thought things were going fine here. Then i was contacted that some ow/types were o here picking at BW's for using a WORD....as if that is the worst possible thing in the world!!!!! A WORD WAS SO OFFENSIVE. How awfull. Think about that and you will realize how twisted these women are!!!!!!

So, you go and fix your hair, dress sharp and go out and enjoy some summer activity. Don't stress over this. Smile, laugh, have fun. You deserve it!!! You will be fine.

I'm not afraid to go head to head with an ow. I can definitely hold my own. I just prefer to ignore them and not to air to much of my personal info here.

I've taken steps to protect MY assets. Everything is in my name. Houses, cars you name it. I've filed for a legal separation and have basically cleaned up if we ever divorce. I rec'v child support and alimony that's renewable every two years. I wasn't about to get a $75 a week household credit(isn't that pathetic) for my children while the ow got hundreds. OH HELL NO. Her one child is NOT worth more than my three.

I know that H paying CS is unavoidable which is why I took the steps I did. H has another court date coming up soon. His atty told him that this is it. This is the one that will set the support amount for the next several years. In our state CS is supposed to be reviewed for increases every two years but the atty told H that won't happen in the county ow lives in. They are way behind.

Back support will be owed regardless. But can only be figured once the cs payment is determined. It shouldnt be too much.

Yeah, the ow is pretty PO'd that her support is going to be lowered considerably. She was whining to the judge during the last hearing. Judge told her sorry about your luck. I guess she should have made sure that the man whom she decided to have father her child didn't have any previous obligations i.e. a wife and three kids.

I know that once the legalities are settled things will mellow. I freak everytime he has to go to court. Everytime something comes in the mail. Everytime I see a CS deduction on his paystub. But, mostly I have a hard time with the oc being a boy. Someone told me "that child is not your husband's son, it's his offspring" (I'm sure that'll ruffle some feathers out there) I know the logic behind that is true but the jury can't disregard that last statement just because the judge told them to. They already heard it. KWIM?

I'm glad to see that you're back because you don't mince words or act PC to appease people. You've been an inspiration to me and plenty of other BS dealing with an OC.

Crynsomuch

Well it sounds to me like you and your husband, along with sound legal advice have everything under control! All you are waiting for it the child support to be set, and then you are done, pretty much. Could it be that you are decompressing? You have spent to much time in a state of high stress, that it is un-nerving to let it go now? That is what I went through. We had spent alot of time and energy on protecting our family, that it was almost hard to put the guard down. But you need to. As soon as you know what the cs will be, budget it in and move on.

Spend some "you" time, replenish yourself. Do whatever it is you love to do. Enjoy your life. I bet if you told yourself "for the next week I am not going to think about the ow/oc situation, I am going to focus on me, my family and having fun" you will be surprised how quickly you will feel better. You may need to retrain your mind to let go. Might as well be today!!