In the last couple of days she's withdrawn from me as well. She doesn't want to talk about anything and doesn't want me to support her emotionally. We're both here at home but it's awfully quiet in the house.

Over the last month since the affair came to light, I think I've done fairly well - with a couple of unfortunate slips - at avoiding LB's and making an emotionally safe place for her.

Should I expect that she will eventually come out of her shell and come to me for support? How long could that take? And should I leave her alone in the interim while she grieves, or should I continue to give her unwanted reassurances that I'm eager to help her through her difficult period?

Give her some space, but don't leave her along for any length of time. Ask her to go to dinner, or other little mini-outings, and don't speak of the A. Try to instill a bit of normalcy in your lives. Try to set a couple of times a week to discuss the A, but no more than that. Set a time limit, and if things get testy or either of you start to lose tempers, call a time out, and drop the conversation. WS's hate to talk about the A.

Carefully snoop for any further contact. Don't get caught.

Buy her flowers and leave cards or notes for her, saying simple loving things like "we'll get through this" or "I believe in us" or other goofy remarks to let her know you love her without telling her "I love you". Withhold the ILY's for a while, till she decompresses and comes out of the fog.

Tread lightly, but know your boundaries, what you will accept from her in behavior, and what you won't. Convey these to her gently and with compassion, not with "tones" in your voice or insinuations....

Treacherous, scary time. Most of it you'll have to fly by the seat of your pants. Let her know you love her by actions, not words. Actions speak volumes, words have NO meaning to her right now.

Anything you have changed about yourself for the better as a part of Plan A, keep in place. Do things you know have pleased her in the past. Do things you think will please her now, but keep it light. No "heavy" emotional stuff.

Most of all, keep a positive mental attitude, and DON'T expect her to be capable of doing much of anything that will serve YOUR TAKER. She has nothing to give right now, so don't push for getting any of your EN's filled. Rejoice in the little signs you see, but put little faith in them for now. Let the mean, cruel, vicious thing she might say about your marriage roll off your back, and don't repond to them.

Best wishes,
SD

That's really helpful. Again. Thanks sincerely SD!

Awesome!!! Simply AWESOME! A few of you on here should get paid for your time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

No kidding, this is really tremendously helpful. Thanks again.