I'm riding the roller coaster. WH is being so much more normal than before. It has been 3 weeks since exposure and since contact stopped. We keep spending a good deal of romantic time together and family time together and it seems he's now returning the love bank cash he withdrew. He's contacting more often during the day like he used to.

It was hard seeing the recent cell bill and know what was going on in June, and since we are not yet in MC I am having to deal with it alone bit by bit. I'm really not sure what approach to take, but I'm taking it day by day. I certainly don't intend to stuff it, but I also do not want to dwell on it.

I think with the more positive feelings we are having toward each other, and as more time passes since the EA, I believe he will be able to accept the responsibility of what he has done and it won't be so difficult to discuss. Last time we discussed it, he was very defensive. That shows me 1. denial 2. contact (prob. not) 3. or a deeper issue of his own.

anyway...this board hasn't given me a ton of feedback on what is going on, and sometimes its difficult to choose a different path, but I'm still trying. I refuse to give up on my marriage.

I think you don't sound at all confused!

I think you sound focused and determined.... and most importantly, you are willing to deal with reality instead of wishful thinking.

You are responsible for your own emotional well-being ... and also responsible for your own acts ....

Knowing this does not stop the rollercoaster, but does give you a better sense of mastery over your own self.

If you cannot get into counseling right away, at least see someone for some spiritual and/or emotional support. Do you have a house of worship?