Thank you all so very much for your kind words & continued support! Couldn't have done it without ya!
Bob - I still have my ups 'n downs, but things seem to get better every day. The biggest achievement is that I no longer feel uncomfortable around my H. Like Squid, I still feel sad from time to time, but even those instances are much less frequent now. As far as journaling, MB works as my journal. That's why I freaked out the other day when I thought my old posts were being deleted. CAT kindly showed me how I can retrieve even my very 1st post over a year ago. Plus, I now save everything I post to my PC just in case. Plus, I keep a little yellow note in my purse that has a whole list of reasons why I returned to my H. I guess I try to balance out the bad (automatic) triggers that remind me of the OM with good (manual) triggers that remind me of my wonderful H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
TreborRose - Yes, it is true. I'm ashamed to say that my A lasted 1 1/2 years. So what led to my return? 1) Ironically, it started with my D. Meaning, the day that I went to the attorney's to file for a D was the day that my world crash down around me. All kinds of warning sirens went off in my head. In fact, I broke down and bawled like a baby right there in her office. 2) The OM was pressuring me to move in with him and get married. I started to panic and see things as they are ... that this was NOT the man I wanted to marry. Heck, I couldn’t even stand his grooming habits much less live w/ him for the rest of my life. After being with him for that long, just about everything he did annoyed me. It finally dawned on me that I didn't
love this guy. In fact, even during my deepest fog, the only person I could ever picture myself growing old/retiring with was my H. 3) My H started to move on without me. Meaning, he stopped calling. He put our house on the market and bought himself a new condo. He started a new exercise plan and bought himself a whole new wardrobe. He ventured out and met new people and friends. He got a new, higher-paying executive job. And, once I announced the D, he asked a girl out. In short, he put me on his version of Plan B. And, BOOM! That was enough to turn me around pronto!
All this may sound simple, but it wasn’t. In fact, even after all of the above, it was about 1½ months worth of self-justification, guilt, fear, turmoil, heartache, indecision and a myriad of other horrible emotional trauma to finally get me to the point of complete NC and recovery. But, it definitely is doable.
