Hi all, Had a really tough night last night and LB'd all over the place.

I told WH that I didn't think he has any idea just how cruel he's been to have lied to me for so long by saying he loved me when he says he knew he didn't. He's told me that he doesn't love me and that he never did. He says he's wanted to and that he's tried to, but that romantic love never happened. He says he loves me as a good friend and that is all. I was so upset last night. I told him that if he knew how he felt then WHY ask me to marry him 2 years ago? His answer - I thought I would grow to love you as a husband should. I told him it was plain wrong of him to misrepresent himself as someone who loves me, trusts me, cares for me, etc when he KNOWS how I feel. When we were busy planning our future and doing for today.

All I get from him is "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry you don't understand" or "I'm sorry that's all I can/could give". I wish I could understand. I wish it did make sense. He says I deserve someone better than him. But I told him that for all the time we've been together, he has met all of my needs and it makes me sad to know I didn't meet his.

He says he's just being honest when he answers me, but really it seems he's just being cruel. I just don't know what to do! HELP! I'm at a complete loss here and I really need some direction. Any guidance you guys can offer is welcomed. I am reading HSHN and I have read LB and SAA.

Just any help would be appreciated at this point. Thanks!

Sounds like the affair is still going on. They are incredibly cold and cruel when still in contact. I suggest you go to Plan B to protect yourself. A solid Plan B.

Couldn't agree w/ Believer more. I, too, said most of those crazy things (verbatim) when I was deep in my fog. In fact, I even told my H that I don't recall ever loving him or why we got together in the 1st place. Yup. It's confirmed. I was nuts. The good news is most WS's (like me) do come out of that fog eventually. I just hope it's not too late where you lose all your love for your H. This is why heeding Believer's advice on a good Plan B is so important. There is a ton of info on this website re: Plan B. If you've got questions, ask away!

Alright, Plan B...but how? WH is living here now.

Can you Plan B with the WH living in the same house? Am I supposed to leave? I could ask him to leave and he'd go.

How do I do this?

You are not supposed to leave - he is. Can you support yourself without him?

I don't know about you, cause I just don't know the whole situation, but if my husband had told me those things, thenI would have let him have what he wants....which is obviously out of the relationship. Be careful what you wish for...well he may just get it.Why would you want to be with a man who says he doesn't love you and says he never did? That's my opinion on that...course you know what opinions are like!

yeah, I'm working again so I can do just fine financially without him. In fact, it's him that will suffer.

Anyway, I'm worried since this will be the second time he's left. First time on d-day for 6-weeks and this would be the second. Will this be the end of the end? I mean, I don't want him the way he is now, but I don't want to lose him for good either. I guess that's how most of us BS feel isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />



summersmom - we all have our reasons for doing what we do just as I'm sure you have your reasons for being here. Of course I have asked myself that very same thing. I'm glad that you have that strength to be able to do whatever it takes.

Have you done a good, solid Plan A?

Does anyone actually answer yes to that question?

I don't know how well I did it. But I know at one point it was pretty lousy. I managed to pull myself together and get focused and for the most part actually do a Plan A whereas before I was just floundering.

Are you asking because how good of a Plan A I've done will determine whether or not this IS the end?

Not at all. On MB it is suggested that you do a solid Plan A. I didn't do one at all, because I found this site too late.

If you are unable to do a Plan A, it is time for Plan B.

So, how would you guys suggest I go about initiating Plan B at this point given that he's already moved out once before?

I mean, I really just want to say, it's us or her. Then he's the one responsible for the decision. I know it's cowardly on my part, but I'm tired of being the strong one. Although I know...long road ahead. ::

Seriously, it's not like I'm going to pack up his stuff and throw it at him. I think this time though, he'll take the time to pack up everything not like last time where he only took a few things.

I would just let him know that you cannot hold him in the marriage. Tell him you would like to stay married, but are not the jail-keeper, and he is free to go.

Let him know that this is just not working for you.