We are coming up on 2 years since d-day. I truly feel we have come a long way in the past two years. My FWS has been a very good H and has worked very hard on our M. I couldn't have asked him to try any harder. We are in a much better place than we were two years ago. No comparision.

But I have had some triggers since d-day is approaching. D-day is close to my birthday, and I had the worst birthday in my life. I felt bad enough about turning 50 with having to deal with an EA.

The worst thing for me has been a couple of dreams I have had about the OW. One was that she called me and said "You fool. I knew all along what I was doing, and I got exactly what I wanted."

The other one was last night. Somehow my FWS and the OW were together, I turned my back for a moment and they both were gone. I woke up with the same feeling I had on d-day when I discovered their last lunch meeting.

I haven't told my FWS because he has been working so hard at the M. He has had a lot of guilt over the pain he caused me, and I do beleive that he is very sorry for all of it. How do I deal with these triggers, but not make my FWS feel like he is a failure? The pain in his eyes when he realizes I am in pain from his EA is very real. I don't want him to hurt. He has paid for his mistake.

I've had horrible sleeping patterns since grade school, so I've actually researched quite a bit into dreamworks. What I learned is that (generally) dreams about your partner cheating is generally a dream of the opposite. Meaning, it's because your M or R is going so well that you develop somewhat of a subconscious vulnerability, a dependency, on that partner or relationship. And thus, your fear of losing that loved one is manifested in your cheating dreams.

I remember I used to have that dream of my H when things were really good between us. I haven't had that dream in a while and am hoping to get that back real soon. Bizarre, isn't it?

Thanks for the rely, whisper. That made me feel much better.

Hi Shay,

I am sorry that you are having trigger dreams...I fully understand about how those dreams are so upsetting. I remember once when I had those kinds of dreams, someone told me that I could have control over them...they told me if I was dreaming about something that I did not like, I could shake my fist and yell stop or interact in whatever way I like....and oddly....there are times that it works....just thinking I can...gives me back control.

Maybe a daydream would also counteract the experience...one where you beat the OW to a pulp or hang up on her or send a strong electrical current back through the line and it shocks her and levels her to the floor.....but I digress.

Anyway, Shay, it sounds as if you are doing well in your recover....ask H to give you extra hugs and cuddling tonight...you guys are the winners...you are together now and a little extra EN fill never hurt anything....

{{{{{{{{{{{{Shay}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

ss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the hugs and advise.

ss, on the second dream, I woke myself up. I have learned to recognize bad dreams while sleeping and then wake up. I like the idea of reacting to take back control.

As for day dreams and the OW, I've had a few of those over the past two years. Not nice. All I'll say is that she looks kinda funny without any hair.

I think the OW was a very manupulative person, and used my H to help further her career, thus the "You fool. I knew all along what I was doing, and I got exactly what I wanted." My H is naturally a very kind person, who would do anything for his friends, so it was easy for him to cross the boundary from friendship to ea. I wish we both had known and understood how easily that line can be crossed.

And thanks for calling us winners. Our M is much better than before. I don't think I'll take it or my H for granted again.

Hi Shay....good job in waking yourself up in the second dream.....you can take back control.

I can relate to your statements about OW and H. My FWS is a very kind person and tries to help the "underdog"--he got sucked into "trying to help her." GAG. I have not meet or seen OW, but she sounded very manipulative. He said that she use to "gag" and pass out when he tried to leave. Then she cut off her hair when H ended it with her.



They all look funny without any hair.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Luckily, OW lied to him all the time about her keeping company with another man....H caught OW in her lies which was effective for us that she LB'd him.

Both of us, like you, are trying to work our way back and it takes work every day....MB for life.....if you can, treat you and H to something today...a favorite movie, ice cream...just celebrate your life and togetherness.

{{{{{{{{{{Cheers, Shay}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
toasting you and H.

ss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I told my H I this morning I was having bad dreams. He hugged me and said very kindly that there was nothing going on even without me saying what the dreams have been about.

I wonder how many men get sucked into an A, by at first trying to help out someone and that person in turns, starts to fill EN that aren't being filled in the M. That is what happened in our case. It must be very enticing to have a younger, pretty thing batting her eyes, smiling and saying great things about you, about how wonderful you are, ad nauseum. The only problem is that the whole thing was a fantasy.

This is why I'm so much more careful now. I don't fraternize with opposite-sex friends without my H present. I tell my H if one of my EN's is unmet and if I would like him to meet them in a specific way. No more guessing games. I'm not leaving anything to chance.

The only good, if there is such a thing, from an A is that we all learn a tremendous amount about how love can conquer all and what we must do to preserve it.

Hang in there. Looks like you and hubby are on the right track!