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I think my wife has been holding off making any decisions about our relationship until she sees "her own" counselor.
I was wondering what I might expect after she sees a counselor. I would assume that the counselor will only be concerned with her well being, and that they will not care about keeping the marriage intact.
Am I being paranoid?
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No, I don't think you are being paranoid, just realistic. She is using the upcoming C session as yet another excuse to avoid doing the right thing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yep, I agree with ML -- I believe my WH's IC has enabled his As, rather than supported our M.
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So most likely I shouldn't expect IC to help bring my wife out of the fog?
I found out today that OM's girlfriend has most likely moved out. I'm not sure if my WW knows yet. It might explain her attitude towards working on the marriage and finding another job.
I haven't confirmed that the girlfriend has moved out, and I'm not sure if I should contact her again. We talked a month ago and she said she would call me the next day and never did, so I decided to leave her alone and let her deal with this in whatever way she needs to.
Should I call her again?
Still interested in knowing what I should expect from IC for WW.
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removed
Last edited by grovetuckyohio; 08/01/05 12:48 PM.
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Wife is at IC right now.
I'd really like to know what to expect and maybe some suggestions as to how to handle this.
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Well, wife's IC went horribly for the marriage. The counselor told my wife that she seems to have a good head on her shoulders and that she needs to do what is best for her. That she doesn't have to live like she has and that quitting her job is completely up to her and it's not unreasonable for her to keep working with the OM.
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I would make sure that is actually what the IC said and not a twisted version your wife presented. It sounds too much like what she wanted to hear...if you get what I am saying. Just a thought.
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grovetuckyohio
After 3 sessions of MC, I will be starting my IC this Friday. I'm looking forward to it. I don't think I'll get any "magic" answers, but I do think I'll learn to open up to my H more. Have more focus. In person, I'm not that great of a communicator... I get all flustered, forget what I want to say, lose focus. I also think I'll be able to learm more about myself why I had the A I know I'll not get all then answers but geez something will help.
Hope this helps,
Undo
Wish I could "Undo" what "he" did...
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Undo,
I hope IC goes well for you. I've been in IC for a few months now, and to be honest, it really hasn't helped me much. I can't get better as long as my wife is unwilling to help the process.
I know my wife can twist what the counselor tells her, she did it once before. But I can't change it and it would be inappropriate for me to contact her IC.
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IC can be a very scary thing. Mainly because you feel powerless to add input or possibly direct the conversation the way you feel comfortable. That and the fact that you never truly know what was discussed about you and the future.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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grove, do not worry about the IC or what the counselor says. Your wife is going to do and think what she wants and you cannot do anything about it. She is going to go if she wants and stay if she wants.
You have the power in this situation. Only you can determine the rest of your life. You have given her ample time to come clean and work on the M. You have set very decent boundaries which she will not follow.
Do not give the power over YOUR LIFE back to her. You have no options left except for a marriage on her terms or to file the D. I think that your choice is very clear. STAND UP for your self. Once you file the D, then she will have to make a choice for once. Good luck to you.
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whoops sorry, I guess I don't have anything of importance to add.
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Individual Counseling is NOT usually MARITAL counseling. It deals with the individual and not the marriage.
Too many IC's do NOT support marriage and will tell their counselee anything that "makes them feel good" and consider it "good therapy."
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