I had a conversation today on the way home from camp w/my six year old son (day camp). He announces out of the blue "mom, I have TWO girlfriends". I say, Well, don't you really like C? You say she's pretty. He says, "Yes, I still like her. She is nice and pretty. She has been my friend in kindergarten too (long time for six years old ok?). I ask "Well son, why do you think you need TWO girlfriends?" He says "Well I can. I mean, why not 2? They're both my friends."

And here's the kicker:

I ask my son, "Does C know you have a new girlfriend?" He says "I don't know". Well do you really like this new girl? He says "I still like C the best. But M is NEW and SHE IS DIFFERENT. SHE LIKES TO DO MORE FUN STUFF. PLUS SHE IS NEW IN CLASS".

And then it dawned on me.

There was LITTLE different in the conversation with my up front and honest six year old son than a converation with a very wayward grown man...and similar to the ramblings of recent with a grown up 38 y.o. anethesiologist.

Does anybody see that this conversation (aside from words about kindergarten and playing) could be a BS talking to a WS about why do they need 1 wife/husband and 1 gf/bf?

Makes me think the cheaters out there are lacking in accountability and are just basically floating around there, doing what they want to, and completely unaware that there is nothing wrong with their behaviors. Kids, on the other hand, are sweet, and do not know enough about the world or even liking somebody to do this....but the VERY SAME words came out of the mouth of my xh...and from several recent serial daters I have seen.

Guess the waywards are just overgrown kids...lacking conscience and accountability. Getting in touch w/their inner child I guess...and wrongly so!

I dunno about those last statements of yours peachy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Even Dr.Harley says we need to date, what was it? at least 15 different people before deciding on M??.

I agree.. in a M, it's a one on one thing, with no extra "new" friends. But when dating? That's different. Isn't it?

What did you end up telling your son? Did you tell him it was okay to have both? Or that he had to choose one or the other? I'm just curious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (but I REALLY like the fact that you pointed out that he should tell the first g/f that the 2nd g/f is there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> )

Karen

I see your point, Peachy. However, I don't think all wandering spouses are would say those things. Serial cheaters and serial daters probably would.

(Topie, I'm defining serial daters as people who set out to make someone fall in love with them, then lose interest and run looking for a new person to make fall in love with them. )

I just don't like over-generalizing about any group of people, including wayward spouses. Look at some of the people here who once wandered outside their marriage. They'd never say something like that.

Hi,

I am new here and thought a while before responding. I am English (or am i British)? There is a difference and therin lies my vague reason for posting.

I have noticed on my travels and in media that American women\girls (possibly men\boys, but not as much ;-)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
use the word "girlfreind" in a whole new way. Almost to the point of "modernis(z)ing" it. imoho

dictionary.com =
1. A favored female companion or sweetheart.
2. A female friend.

It seems strange to me, i think that in the UK "girlfreind" has always meant "sweetheart".Most of the UK women that i know refer to their female freinds as freinds, where'as (feel free to correct me if i am wrong) American women\girls refer to their female freinds as "girlfreinds".

The thing that struck me was that young boys and probably the young boy in this post has spent more time around women\girls in his 6 years than he has around men\boys (i know - i might be wrong) anyway my reason for posting is that his use of the word girlfreind was quite possibly a reflection of at least 2 (additional)possible factors.

1:Six year logic - She is a freind & and she is a girl.:D <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
2:The fact that the word girlfreind has\is being modernis(z)ed by the women of America and that he has spent more time around American women than he has men.

This is an attempt at bringing a little humour ;-) or is it humor ? in to the thread. Whilst recognis(z)ing the seriousness of the topic, in addition not being a parent i am probably not qualified to discuss the language learning process of a six year old. I just liked justpeachy's style of humour in her writing.

All the best

paradise_lost

You are trying to compare a six year old's musings about friends to a grown man's filandereing? The two are in no way related. A six year old lacks the intellectual capacity understand anything beyond there are two people he likes and that they happen to be girls. Six year olds do not have abstract thinking skills. Your son's and husband's motivations could not be more different.

I think Peachy has a point, but I don't think it's just limited to serial daters/cheaters.

When we are kids, we are self-absorbed/self-focused. We don't really care what the consequences are for others from our actions, only what affects our life. As we socialize, we learn how to "play nice with others", either from fear of punishment or from a gain in empathy. If it's from a gain in empathy, then it's called becoming mature.

Not everyone matures.

There are a lot of six year olds running around in 40 year old bodies.