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I did it! I called Ow's Dad & brother today. Nothing has come of it yet, so will just have to hold on and wait.
Conversation with Dad was not very productive....He said that OW did not want anything to do with them and said that they did not want to get involved. Pretty much told me it was up to me to do what I could....He cut the conversaton short. Great. I was in tears before I hung up the phone with him.
Brother was better - He was very nice & let me talk as long as I wanted. Said he didn't know if OW was in an "abusive" situation. She seemed fine & that when he asked her she said that she was fine. He said he didn't know what to believe that OWH seemed pretty nice....I told him about the A & that I was fighting for my marriage and would appreciate anything he could do. He said that OW needed to leave my H alone. He asked if we had kids and said he wished me all the best. I asked if he had any influence over OW. He said they did talk.....
So, I hope the brother calls OW.
Kim
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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What about the most important person in this whole scenario? The OWH? Have you told him they are still in touch?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Not today. I will......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim, why haven't you contacted him? Can you send him an email? Don't you have his email address?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I do have his e-mail. I am over analyzing again. My brain is processing the conversation I had with the brother today. I don't know why I think that should have any bearing on contacting OWH again.........I am thinking that the brother will contact OWH and/or OW and get things moving. That way I won't be going against my word that I gave to WS about contacting OWH again.....
WS is especially worried now that I have the letter. We had a long conversation today. Mainly about me telling him how much that letter hurt me and telling him about the importance of NC. I feel like a broken record.
I realize I am extending my pain & suffering by doing all of this so slowly.....
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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That way I won't be going against my word that I gave to WS about contacting OWH again..... Kim, this was a very bad agreement that you should not keep. What is worse than making a BAD promise is keeping one, so don't compound the mistake by keeping a bad promise. You are extending your pain and suffering by not getting this affair out in the open with her husband. Call the man or email him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know it was a bad agreement, he was coming at me so hard at the time.
He told me today that he would do anything, just not to contact OWH. He said I could hold that over his head. I was tempted to say, O.k. Then quit your job and stop communicating with OW.
Instead I said, "I don't want to hold anything over your head. I have asked you to do some things for me that you haven't done though. I am asking you to stop with the communication and I want you to do it b/c I simply asked you to."
I am so tempted to use that, but I know that would be a threat so I will refrain...
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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He told me today that he would do anything, just not to contact OWH. Well, first things first, you know this was a blatant lie right? SO why don't you call out your Wayward here and escalate the "anything" to see his breaking point. Yes, many here will disagree with me, but you are NOT in recovery, and you are being betyrayed by any contact he makes.....so see what "anything" really means. I think this is all BS, and you should not waste another rationalized second in NOT talking to the OWH. You are your OWN worst enemy now in ending the affair, and you don't even know it. Sour..
Last edited by lemonman; 07/26/05 10:02 PM.
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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I know it was a bad agreement, he was coming at me so hard at the time.
He told me today that he would do anything, just not to contact OWH. He said I could hold that over his head. I was tempted to say, O.k. Then quit your job and stop communicating with OW.
Instead I said, "I don't want to hold anything over your head. I have asked you to do some things for me that you haven't done though. I am asking you to stop with the communication and I want you to do it b/c I simply asked you to."
I am so tempted to use that, but I know that would be a threat so I will refrain...
Kim You need to quit bargaining AWAY the one chip you have that will save your marriage. There is one reason and one reason only that your H doesn't want you to call the OWH: BECAUSE IT WILL RUIN HIS AFFAIR!! THAT IS YOUR JOB! Kim, I want to ask you a serious question, because I am starting to really wonder. WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? Because I can't tell. You do more for the infidels than you do to save your marriage by helping them keep their secret. You do much more to help the OW carry on an affair with your H than you do to save your marriage!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please..........stop helping the OW, Kim. It is against your best interests.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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