I just need to vent...OMG!!!

The story goes like this.
We were in the process of trying for baby #3 (which is a very soft subject since I lost our third child during an ectopic rupture: baby was growing in my fallopian tube and I almost lost my life: A started after that)
It's such a long story. But, I need to go with fertility treatment. So on the first day we were set to start, my ob/gyn called to stop everything because I had an STD. WH had to confess to A!
So now we are in recovery...
SIL, and BIL call to announce they are expecting. I acted like a baby...and was not really excited for them. When FWH hung up the phone and asked me why I wasn't overly excited for them...I lost it!
OMG!!! I can't even believe what I said:
"I'm mad, because I'm supposed to be pregnant right now...and if you wouldn't of f ed up, I would be...now I have so much damage because of the STD it will probably never happen!!!"
The look on FWH face was awful, he looked so hurt! He just grabbed his keys and left.
OMG!!!
Thanks for letting me vent...
I am being very selfish, and over-emotional ...

What can I do?
K

This is not a lovebuster. This is honesty, and your husband is facing the consequences.

or running away from the consequnces...

either way. You are not selfish for your feelings. Honesty about your feelings is not a lovebuster either.

Try not to worry. Hearing the news struck a chord in your heart, and you said what you were thinking. The good news is . . . he is willing to participate in your effort to conceive, right?

Yes,
FWH wants another child. After ectopic (2003), we discussed trying again. But, then after about a month, he started acting all weird on me (A with employee had started) and one night announced that he had changed his mind: no more kids.
Well, he recently came out of the fog and we were trying. His A ended a year ago. I suspected it all along, and he kept denying it. Even when OW called me crying and really drunk (when he ended the A) stating to me that she had done everything in her power to break our marriage up, but she couldn't 'compete' with me. He still denied it then. She never admitted to me that they had slept together.
It's just a total mess.

I guess I have alot of emotional stuff going on. When I discovered STD ( may) when we were trying to conceive, I had to call OW. Her story had then changed from when she was drunk. She now angrily told me that H was with me just because of the kids and because I was 'sick' ( I have a tiny tumour in my head/pituitary gland). She then claimed that she ended A.

H claims that he ended the A. He's had a year to move on with his life. He feels terrible for 'not wanting anymore' and says that he was really screwed in the head at that time.

I could babble on for hours...
thanks for listening to me vent...and giving me support!

Pureangel,

""When FWH hung up the phone and asked me why I wasn't overly excited for them""

This should never had said. Your H should have empathy for your feelings. Even while he was talking to them, he should have known how you would feel and react to the news.

He should have just hung his head and hugged you.

k

Thank you.
When H returned home after a long drive. He hugged me, kissed me and looked me in the eyes and said : "I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused and continuing to cause you...it's like this bad dream will never go away."

I'll get through...I know her pregnancy will now be a reminder to the both of us of D-Day ect...