It might not be the end of the world, but it is certainly the end of the "old" relationship. Hence all the pain and grieving. Once something like that happens, you can never go back to the way it was before. Some couples do reconcile and go on to build better and stronger relationships on a new foundation. Most don't.<P>I like your free-bird analogy. For me, there was some sort of strange self-realization that came at some point after I realized my marriage was over.<P>To me, an affair is simply a continuation of the "power struggle" that most people in a long term relationship experience. The difference being you are dealing with someone who "doesn't fight fair" and who will stop at nothing to get their way. <P>When I reflect back on my marriage, this sort of thing had always been there. Not that I was without fault, by no means. Just ask my ex-wife, she'll tell you all about it. She kept a little scroll (ok, a big one) where she would write down every single transgression for safe keeping. And when something new came up, she would take out the scroll and write it down. This would give her a chance to review it and remind me of every single thing I ever did, intentionally and unintentionally, and we could go over the whole list again. Eventually I started withdrawing.<P>When the end finally came, it seemed like more of a continuation of that same "you deserved it, look at how much stuff I have on you!" theme.<P>Not too long ago I remember having some sort of "moment of clarity". Suddenly I felt that now that she "had her revenge", I was forgiven. I didn't have to live under her emotional tyranny any more. I could move on, and enjoy life on my own terms. I could have a point of view, and I could be entitled to believe, say and do things according to my personality, not hers. And my friends and co-workers still liked me! I was still my kid's biggest hero. My family and I started to grow close again. Maybe I wasn't that bad after all.<P>I did feel free and I did feel I could fly.<P>All that aside, sex means a little more than beans to me.
