i just wanted to send out a friendly hi.

i've thought a lot about yesterdays thread. and then i just recently saw what you wrote in the "pep" thread.

and a bit of a light bulb goes off.

i just wanted to share that with you.

it is good to keep grounding in reality. looking for a movie happy ending is not smart.

there is no reason why i cannot accept that all of this stuff will have lasting impact. obviously it does. i think i was fearing it too much.

the lightbulb helps me now see that managing my fear can help me keep my eyes wide open and looking at reality, which is a very good thing to do.

and i can do that without losing hope for contineual healing.

thats all i wanted to say <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

thanks for being part of MB Bob and for always sharing so much. it helps me tremedously.

FL, Squid and I married in September '86 too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Saturday 27th.

What was your first dance song ?

Ours was 'True' by Spandau Ballet ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All I want to express is that the damage done to BS is as real as if we'd had a knife in the heart or a bullet in the brain that didn;t kill us. The damage isn't esoteric or abstract. Its REAL.

I might pray God restores me fully afterwards but in reality God teaches us to manage our injuries. To live VICTORIOUSLY around them, not expect a physical miracle.

That is what I aim to do and I have hope and faith that one day I will be able to do just that.

Its unusual for me to appear negative, but I felt a different representation of reality was required with so many FWS averring that full restoration is possible.

I think it IS for FWS with the love and help of God and a loving BS, but I think BS will forever have broken parts.

Bear in mind I have a metal plate and 6 screws holding my left leg together, and a 3 inch screw holding a bone graft in place in my left wrist through motorcycle accidents when I ws 20 and 21.

Pretty nasty injuries, and when I recovered I had a limp and lost an inch in height.

I had to quit Rugby BUT I concentrated on Squash and running and got REALLY good at both ! Impact sports were not possible for me now so I switched a power and speed sport instead ! I live WITH the consequences of my injuries every day, but I work AROUND them to be victorious !

I pray God give sme new opportunities to live ABUNDANTLY and VICTORIOUSLY in fields that do not depend on my affair-broken engines.

bless you FL.

Your H will realise how you Bless him one day.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Sprint has a 6-8 inch metal plate scrwed into his right leg due to a motorcycle injury when he was 18....his acts up when the weather is gonna change -I call him my weather man lol

we were sept 6, the Beatles "and i love her" being our first song.

i'm glad you are saying all you have said. it really has been extra eye-openning. i have never tried to tell my H to get over it already. (i hope he would agree to that stmt) i do know at times he says i am losing my patience. and i would agree with that. i want progress, progress, progress!!!

i think i have finally totally gotten it into my head this is going to take years. (not like that should of been hard to see, you all kept saying that!!!)

and that we are in fact making progress.

i hope after the second accident you sold the bike???!!!

I'm glad you survived the crashes.

i have actually learned very much about my husband's needs and about how we could interact better with each other. I have realized things about myself that needed to change and I have worked hard to make those changes.

I have come out of this a person who has forgiven and wants to builda new friendship and marriage with this man.

it won't ever be the same...it can be better or worse

i think if you can both forgive and learn from it...it would be better

so far...he does not believe i have done either of things or he does not yet care that i have.

but...when i called the other woman recently...my husband communicated with me honestly and i recieved it openly without judgement. this is a big improvement for both of us.

if he is ever ready and willing...i hope i am still waiting

FL, I'm pretty glad I survived them too ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I actually became a riding instructor afterwards and taught kids NOT to behave like I once did ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

One thing I want to say is an important thing I have learned and I hope I can articulate liek I understand it.

Recovery is not a destination. You do not struggle along a path miserably and unfulfilledly until you are RECOVERED and you can start living again.

God wants us to live VICTORIOUSLY and ABUNDANTLY right NOW FL.

We can self analyse and rationalise ourselves out of the DAILY blessings God sends us.

On my joyful days I am truly , unrestrainedly JOYFUL ! On my sad days, sure I'm down but such is not the default in my life !

I have lived VICTORIOUSLY - as if I had ALREADY recovered from this and ABUNDANTLY as if Gods eventual blessing to me had ALREADY come !

This has served me wonderfully well ! This anniversary month I have NOT been living victoriously and abundantly, I have been living anchored in the past - holding me back from joy and blessings in the NOW and the future.

I have striven to live Victoriously and abundantly these past few days and ALREADY not only MY mood but the atmosphere of my family has lifted !

Its OK to celebrate what you have NOW and exploit it, and I believe it will help you recover faster and more completely.

I hope I have articulated that as I feel it FL. We can overanalyse things. If today is a good one IT IS A GOOD ONE it is not pulle ddown because you do not feel fully recovered yet.

all blessings

* BTW your wedding song beats our by a mile !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Bob... the things you learn here...

I had a motorcycle wreck in May of '71, which broke my left femur in 2 places, the lower leg was just crushed, broken right wrist (Ball's fracture), fractured skull (explains a lot) and took out 1/2 of tendons and ligaments in my right knee. I was hospitalized for 6.5 months, in a body cast 3.5 months and "layed up" for a total of 22 months. My left leg is 3.5 inches short, corrected by a 1.5 in built-up shoe, and I, too walk with a limp. I have a 6" stainless steel plate w/6 screws holding my femur in place. My left leg "froze" with so much inactivity, it will only bend about 43 degrees from straight out. At 6'4" tall, it can me a nuisance, but I manage to walk without aid.

Funny thing, I'd rather go through all that again, than find out my W had another affair. I have fully recovered from the wreck (except perhaps my brain <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ), and am hopeful that a few years from now, will feel the same distance and indifference about my marital wreck. If I live that long... LOL!

Small world. Glad to learn another tidbid about an MB teammate!

Best wishes,
SD

"shattered bones" perhaps ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I wasn't nearly so bad as you, except when I was coming to at the roadside I trie to pull out the piece of wood that was stuck in my shin. It was my broken bone...the policewoman almost spewed !

My experience of that physical damage reset my tolerance of pain. I have a high threshold now. When you've hurt that bad for that long, little things just don;t cut it.

I wonder if this afair rcovery experience will similarly num my appreciation of small traumas? I am already a crap friend - I have no patience with the daily moans and gripes I used to listen to sympathetically.

I nearly spewed reading THAT.

Right-O on pain threshholds. Mine became extraordinary, and has been that way ever since. Last real experience was 5 - 3/8" cuts in the back of my hand with a chainsaw, which I calmly wrapped with a towel, and got in my car to drive myself 5 miles to the hospital. My neighbor saw me, and saw the blood on my shirt, and refused to let me drive myself. After the wreck, it really seemed like a pretty minor wound. 17 staples later I was back to finishing trimming the tree, to my W's dismay. LOL!

I wonder if this afair rcovery experience will similarly num my appreciation of small traumas? I am already a crap friend - I have no patience with the daily moans and gripes I used to listen to sympathetically.

I think it might, already has mine. My employees don't bring the "little stuff" to me much more, because as ask them why it's so difficult to sum up a sitch, and make a decision. Maybe makes me a better boss? Makes 'em think, a bit!

End of threadjack!

Best wishes,
SD