HighFlight,

Just curious how things are going for you.
I'm assuming rather well since you haven't been checking in.

I'm sure other's would like to know too!

Fill us in when you can.

Karona

Ha!!! Thanks Karona. Well, I'm on an overnight & about to head to bed to be ready for an early trip tomorrow AM. Let me get back to you on this.

Lots good! Some concerns. I'll share more soon....

OK, here's a short version. I'm on the ground between flights.

We've seen each other every weekend since the first of June. I've gone there, she's come to me too. We write & call daily.

The conversations are wonderful, stimulating, comprehensive. We pray together. We clearly share a very high compatibility as I've said before.

I have feelings of love for her without question. I've not felt this since my exwife's best days together. She has the same for me - so she says.

We both realize it's quick. We are speaking of how rapidly our feelings have grown. It's nearly like the proverbial "love at first sight" deal which I'd not bought in to.

Anyway, we're both very educated, intelligent people with professional lives that enable us to think things through before jumping. So, no ridiculous moves are contemplated.

Nevertheless, my concern is that it is recent for her MAJOR life traumas of divorce, loss of a child, major move & significant job change. I don't want to be her "therapy relationship" or RR, or whatever. I feel a sense of guardedness because I don't want to get hurt.

We've spoken of this freely. She gets emotional & says that's not what this is about for her & that when I speak of it - it makes her feel like I think we're doomed to fail (which I don't, I just don't want to get badly burned again).

I've met her parents. Lovely folks! Her Mom & I have traded letters and phone calls even!!! They really like me & my 2 sons alot. My boys like her without question & prefer it when she's there (their words!!)

My parents haven't met her, but have spoken with her & like her a great deal too.

So TONS of good stuff. Just not sure about the timing.

Also, she continues to hear basically every week from her exH. He's moved in with his GF, but is now telling his exW that he loves her & wants to know if she'd take him back etc. He's an attorney. Calls under business pretexts, but it always turns into a relationship conversation. She's told him about me. He's jealous. She tells me each time he calls. This week she told him he's not being honorable in his actions to continue to call her while living with his GF. Also that it isn't good for our relationship either. So there's a bit of a triangle still in existence that I don't like. But it's a recent divorce. What do you expect? This is typical WS behavior as we know here on MB.

For me, I haven't been able to totally forget one other friend I've dated a little bit before this girl. I don't know why that is? She lives 1000 miles away. While she is one of the finest & kindest people I've ever met in my life, the compatibility isn't quite as high between us, though it's close. I have caught myself thinking of her & missing her just a little.

In analyzing it, I think it's related to not wanting to get burned in this situation wherein this might just turn out to be a RR for her. So part of me kind of holds back & thinks of this other person as a friend to hold on to (she truly wants a relationship with me & isn't interested in dating anyone else even though I've encouraged her to do so).

Anyway, I'm starting to feel unsettled about my thoughts to a point. Not wanting to make it a bigger deal than it is, but also wanting to be honest with myself and everyone involved.

So that's it at this point.

I'm open for ideas & input.

Smiles,
High Flight

HighFlight~~

Glad you checked in with us.
I'm glad to hear things are going well for you.

I'm not sure I'm the best person to give input, but just want to comment on a couple of things you mentioned.

I understand your feeling of being guarded. Given the fact that it's so recent with these two traumas for her is very significant, in my opinion. They are HARD to accept and get over. I think you are wise to be cautious.

I don't think we can put a timeline on when the "right" person comes into our lives (assuming we are in the position to have someone come into our life). But, at the same time, caution is very important when it has been so recent since these events for her. (It sounds like you both are covering that well)

I think it's great that she fits so well into your life and your sons lives. And wonderful that you have a good relationship with her parents. That's positive.

The biggest hurdle in your update for me is....
the feelings you still carry for this other person.
If it's the one you mentioned in the beginning of this new lady coming into your life, it seemed like you did put her aside in your mind for a time. But, I'm wondering what it is that is making you come back to her, in your thoughts.
It could be that you fear this is a RR and realize the other was not, or, did you have more feelings than you realized?
It's possible it's the xh calling her too, making you feel uneasy, knowing they have a history, and where would that leave you, if....

One teeny bit of info I could give you is that for me, I knew at the 4 month mark of being in the relationship that I had questions/concerns. And, I have a friend that also went through some weirdness in a relationship that began at the 4 month mark.
I'm sure you will pray about this issue for guidance, but maybe also pay attention to that 4 mo. time period.

Let us know how things are going from time to time.

Take Care,
Karona

Karona,

Thank you so much for the feedback. It is quite helpful to me.

Yes, I think the thoughts are related to feeling uncertain about the RR potential as well as the XH calling, etc. In addition, the other person was TRULY a high quality person as well, so there's possibly some second-guessing going on I'm sure. First lady was completely available & over her divorce trauma. The second one isn't of course.

First one is incredibly warm & nurturing (Brazilian by birth) she has Latin passion running through her veins & it is VERY captivating to me. She adores me & is completely willing to relocate & try to put together a life with me! She's NOT codependent, but is very giving & nurturing.

Second is a poised professional with an accounting mind so the passion & feelings connections are harder to make, yet they are there & she IS in touch with her feelings. Just differently. She also is extremely loyal & dedicated to her choices in life. She doesn't give her heart away easily & I can see her beginning to give it to me....

For example, she gave me a key to her car & house when I was there last weekend. Then she looked in my eyes and said, "here's a key to my house & car; keep it in case you need it, but know that I'm trusting you with more than just my things...I'm also giving you the key to my heart!" I was blown away to say the least.....

So I've got to be very careful here. Do the right thing. Keep praying & keep my mind wide open.

High Flight

High Flight,

It sounds like you have met two wonderful women.

I think your last sentences say it best,
Pray, be careful, and an open mind. But, maybe one more thing to add, consider your boys too! How does everything fit together with them.

Take care and best of luck,
Karona

My boys like em both. They've actually said they like it when "Second" is here better than when she's not. They only met "First" one time. They liked her.

I've noticed children gravitate to both of them easily.

They are both wonderful indeed.

I'll stick with my careful, prayerful plan as you said.

Thanks so much,
High Flight

Sounds like a plan HF!

Good luck with everything.

K.