I've read several threads where the EN "admiration" was brought up. I strongly believe the emotional need for admiration drove my H to a PA and several EAs. I know this is his #1 EN but he adamantly denies it, sending it down the list to #5.

The other night, he actually said to me "Hmmm. I have not received ONE compliment from you all day!" He was completely serious!!! He needs recognition for emptying the dishwasher or throwing out some moldy tomatoes!

I'm trying to give him the admiration he needs, but where does it draw the line? I consistantly tell him I appreciate how hard he works, his attentiveness to the kids, his graying and thinning hair makes him handsome, thank you for this, thank you for that, yada yada yada! Now, I feel every time he looks to me for some attention, my love bank for him starts to empty.

It's too much for me! ACK!

Tatertot

Is he working to fill your ENs too?

Yes, but not enough. I'm getting the family commitment and the domestic support fulfilled but affection and conversation is limited.

I'm not the one who strays, however. He is.

I know I'm doing something wrong if I get angry at him everytime I have to "high five" him for taking the trash out.

WAIT A MINUTE! I just got smacked upside the noggin'! He takes the trash out, he throws the fuzzy tomato away, he is fulfilling my need for domestic support. I tell him what a wonderful H he is for chucking that tomato and I fulfill one of his. HOWEVER, when I have to tell him this he loses deposits.

I can make it sound silly but it still hurts like heck. I spend my days on eggshells and wondering how I can meet his needs. But I feel like ca-ca when I do.

Last night I told him that I saw OW. She drove by me as I was going to pick up my sons from camp. He told me (nicely) I needed to keep that to myself. So much for conversation.

OK. All I'm asking is...

What if his needs go beyond what I am able to give? His need for admiration is insatiable and I'm not sure I am meeting this particular need.

I know I am meeting his other ENs, i.e. SF, family commitment. But it seems the more I admire him, the more he needs. If I can't give him enough, I'm afraid he will look for it elsewhere.

When is "enough is ENOUGH"?