I haven't posted in a while but would like some advice, and would also like to give some. I posted a few months ago about wife's ongoing affair and did not heed the advice I was given to expose it. I would like to tell anyone on the forum that when given this advice try to put your fear aside and heed it.

I have finally started exposing but think it might be too late. Most of the people I have exposed to suspected it already but don't want to confront my wife for fear of alienating her, these people include her sister, mother and my brother. Her sister and mother feel wife feels alone and isolated and want to stay on her good side to get her to open up to them.

Since d-day back in November I have tried to support my wife and get her to open up to me to no avail. She runs her own business and I have helped her with it and built her a shop in our home and she still continues the affair. She insists her affair has nothing to do with our problems and continues to defend the OM.

I have been in IC since I found out and recently on the advice of my counselor told my wife I would no longer be doing all of the little things she asks of me. This was met with "Oh that's nice!" and nothing else. Was I wrong to finally put my foot down and refuse to grant her every wish?

Who else have you exposed to? Besides exposure what are you doing now? Are you still living together? Are you in Plan A? Have you set clear boundaries? Have you thought of consequences and enforcing your boundaries? I'm not experienced enough to give advice, but these were questions that came to mind when I read your post. I'm sure "The Wise Ones" will have advice. Hang in there keep posting. If we all listened the first time and this was easy...nobody would be here.

totally agree there, it is a process, a journey... we ALL make mistakes!

I am wondering how it is you have managed to Plan A this long?! Yikes!

What you are dealing with here is a cake-eating, fence-sitting spouse...they really suck and are a tough nut to crack! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I had one too and am now heading to D...

You have to decide how much you can tolerate, how much you can be used and used until you reach the point where you say "no more". Your W is having needs met by you and the OM and is quite content with the way things are. Are you? Somehow I doubt it...

Sounds like a Plan B might be in order for your WW to get knocked off the fence.... make her realize what you do give and what she will lose if she continues this path.

Just my two cents worth <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Call out MortarMan. He's a plan B expert. It may be time.

As I stated in my original post my WW runs a home based business and relies heavily on me to help her, she just got a large order and asked me if I would make the items for her or if she neede to find someone else. We are in a financial bind and I know if I say no she will throw that in my face. I recently told her no in response to another request and she complained to her sister that it wasn't for her it was to help us with our financial problems. What do you folks think I should do?

BL,

Your Dday was Nov/04 and she has continued the A since that time? You have plan A'ed and just now started exposing,..to no avail?? OM isn't married? Anyone on OM's side you could expose to?

She continues seeing the OM and living in your house and running her business, with you assisting her when needed?

Now you think by not jumping to her requests that this will change her outlook and somehow stop the A??!! This is putting your foot down?

HOW DOES THIS ALL SOUND TO YOU?

Maybe you need to stand up, get a spine, and not take it anymore. Ask, make that tell, her to move out if she continues the A. Who cares if the business is in the home. Plan B will be hard to do with her still living there. I don't see any other way. Will she lose the business or the OM if it comes down to that?

k

BL, your wife obviously knows you are not going anywhere. Her actions demonstrate that you are there to help pay the bills and baby sit the child while she is with the OM. If this is not a role you want to play then don't. How long are you going to go with this strategy of letting her do what she wants with the OM? Seems that you have been doing it since DD and the OM seems content with the booty call with you paying the bills. I see why she likes it, I definately see why OM likes it, but why do you allow this to continue when there is no sign of change??