MY WS doesn’t want a divorce or we would be split already, she’s confused and when confronted she attacks with what hurts...unfortunately I’m hurting too and sometimes not sure what to do…I even think of leaving, but from every thing I read, leave that for your last option. She’s a wonderful person and we have had a wonderful life, but now we have all of these problems that contain a lot of pain. I think we both love the other enough to know that if we where the soul source of there pain, we would leave…Which is why I think she is having such a hard time coping.
I have taken a good hard look at myself and how when things weren’t going right, I didn’t believe it was possible for her to have an affair. Especially when I confronted her in the middle of it and she assured me that nothing was going on. I believed her she had never lied to me before, why shouldn’t I have believed her. She got up early and went to work on the computer, after she left I decided to check her history and what web sites she visited. I found an email to the other OM in the sent, so I became very agitated. So, I decided to call my WS, she admitted she is still communicating with the OM, although she claims it’s strictly business and the text for the email I found kind of confirms that except the closing says “Look forward to hearing you soon.” When I confronted her about it, she turned it into all about me snooping not trusting and violating her? She went on to say that I ruined everything I have done over the last month and she will not repeat the unhappiness if last month under any circumstances. She told me she deserves a happy life and this is going to make her life hell. I reminded her that she promised me that when ever they have contact she would let me know; her reply was I only said that because that’s what you wanted not what I wanted! I guess its ok to lie if you only agree to tell the truth to make the other person happy?
She claims she can’t be honest with me… I need to convince her that I’m able to accept what ever she tells me! My readings suggest having the “Policy of Protection” in place before Radical Honesty is a viable option for your partner. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHEN TO SUGGEST WE START A PLAN?
This morning, I tried to hold & kiss her, but she snapped at me, YELLING WHAT….which ruined the mood.
She keeps telling me she doesn’t and hasn’t felt special in a long time, which is something I have been working on, but the last month has been my saddest and loneliest in my life, how in the world could I feel special. I have been kidding my self that we started a new beginning but I no longer believe that…Soon after my Discovery she started telling me very personal things and that meant more to me than the pain I was experiencing…Now I find out she’s still hiding things and lying and I’m the one at fault.
I want to Scream! It’s a viscous circle and starting to hurt all over again.
MY BIG DELIEMA IS I’M UNSURE AS WHEATER TO CONTINUE THE LB’S OR JUST LEAVE HER ALONE?
