I have been posting on the Recovery board for some time now, but realize this is a much more active board so I thought I would try here. As many of you know my W and I have been in recovery after her A that went on about 15 months with what I believe to be NC since 06/05. I have worked very hard to follow Dr. Harley's advice on everthing, and it has made a big difference and turn around in my W's attitude toward our M. My W has made significant strides in telling me the truth about the A, however, I am hung up on one particular evening where I know for a fact that she is lying to me about it. How do you deal with this? I thought we were really making some serious progress in our relationship, then she throws me this big whopper of a lie, and now I feel we are back to square one. I have told her I know it isn't the truth, and that I have no intention of remaining in a relationship where there isn't trust and complete and total honesty. She still hasn't cleared up the subject. I am confused and bewildered as to how I am suppose to just when I know she continues to not be truthful with me. Any help, insight would be appreciated.

Me-BH-33
Her WW-34
Married 11 years
1 son 1 daughter
1st D-Day 10/04
2nd and real D-Day 03/05
3rd and hopefully final D-Day 7/05

First off, calm down, relax and take things slow for a moment. This is all fresh and seriously you can’t reasonably expect a clean slate. There is obviously a reason for lying about the night in question. Either she feels SO bad about it or she’s afraid of your reaction (doesn’t feel safe) or whatever. My advice is to let it go for a while. I fully understand your need to know everything and think that will be accomplished with some patience. I definitely wouldn’t throw in the towel right now, over one night.

“””I thought we were really making some serious progress in our relationship, then she throws me this big whopper of a lie, and now I feel we are back to square one.”””

And that is a valid feeling. I don’t agree with it but it is definitely valid. Y’all have made great strides and this event need only hamper that if you allow it to do so. Heck, she just confessed to the PA what a week ago….. Patience, love, and understanding but most of all patience.

PS......KSU wouldn't happen to stand for those Purple Kitties would it? I live just down the road from 'em....

LostHusband, thanks for the reply and ksu does stand proud for the mighty Wildcats. I am trying real hard to be patient(never been one of my strong points). I know that I'm not ready to throw in the towel, yet. I had given myself a timeline of 6 months from 04/05, so we still have some time. I do realize there is progress, and it feels good to hear her yearning for me again, but at the same time it is very, very, very frustrating.

Me-BH-33
Her WW-34
Married 11 years
1 son 1 daughter
1st D-Day 10/04
2nd and real D-Day 03/05
3rd and hopefully final D-Day 7/05

OK, while I'm not big on time-frames, I'll conceed for the moment and make a suggestion. Table any conversation about that one-night in question for a month. Continue to create an envirement without Love Busters, Disrespectful Judgements, or Selfish Demands. Continue to reap the benifits of her yearning for you again. Basically, don't let that one night drag you down. While you're waiting, if you are a Godly fella, then pray on the matter.

I figure in about a month you should be nearing you last affair talk. Plus you've continued to provide her a safe enviroment, then she'll be more apt to answer.....

PS....I did the cabinet work for those suites at the Kitty Complex but really ain't all that into college football. But in this here state, nothing beats Salina High School football...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well I just found out through phone records that NC has not happened! She called him twice on 07/12/05. So now what!!! This makes me so angry, I just want to scream. I am ready to call her and confront her about it, but know that I need to calm down. We had a great evening last night, and I know this is going to ruin the whole thing.

Me-BH-33
Her WW-34
Married 11 years
1 son 1 daughter
1st D-Day 10/04
2nd and real D-Day 03/05
3rd and hopefully final D-Day 7/05

I wouldn't confront her just now. Do you know if the OM is married?

He is not married, but he does have a girlfriend. I have worked so hard to meet all EN's, avoid LB's etc. I am getting sick of this S**t. I do love my wife, but I don't need this crap. We had a great weekend, and a great evening last night, and this makes it all for not. She continues to lie and keep her 'secret' life. I'm a great guy that deserves and can get much better!


Me-BH-33
Her WW-34
Married 11 years
1 son 1 daughter
1st D-Day 10/04
2nd and real D-Day 03/05
3rd and hopefully final D-Day 7/05

Can you tell if there has been contact since then? When is that in comparison to when she confessed to when she confessed the physical affair?

(((KSU))) You are correct that you deserve to be loved but I ask you to keep one thing in mind. During the affair your wife is an addict, no different than a drug addict or alcoholic. She lied, stole, and did many people great harm.

If that was her last contact and she has spilled most of the beans, then she may well be on the road to recovery. That or she's doing a little cake-eating. Take some time to gather information and find out if there still is contact. DO NOT CONFRONT HER with what you know now........

It does not appear that there has been contact since that time. But she had been telling me that the last contact was on 06/03/05. So now I've been lied to again! She has been acting so remorseful, she even had the guts to go with me to my parents house last night to pick up the kids(I know this was a big step, because she felt very, very uncomfortable). I am once again, beginning to feel like the consolation prize, and I won't keep having that feeling!

Me-BH-33
Her WW-34
Married 11 years
1 son 1 daughter
1st D-Day 10/04
2nd and real D-Day 03/05
3rd and hopefully final D-Day 7/05