Hello everyone,
I have messed up. I've never before had an affair or anything like it at all. Niether has my wife, she is super-pure. I've struggled with porn and my wife knows, but this is different.
While I was out of town for awhile I made a call to get a massage in my room. The women said she'd be over and I told her "I don't want anything illegal or wierd, just a massage" and she said "okay." When she got there she took her clothes off, and I asked her not to. But then after a minute she did anyway. I don't know why I didn't just ask her to leave then. Anyway, long story short: We didnt "consumate" or even touch each other's "boundry areas" except for getting a massage on my back. I did touch her breast, however.

I feel horribly horribly bad for this. I didn't want that to happen, and now I'm totally stuck. I dont' know what to do. I deserve everything I get, but I'm mainly concerned for my wife; how will this affect her if I tell her? I don't want her to go through all of this pain - she is innocent!! Please help me...I have some questions.

1. Should I tell my wife and cause her a ton of pain; or should I just deal with this myself? I don't want to be dishonest, but I can't imagine how this would hurt her.

2. Also, my wife is going out of town soon. If I tell her, should I wait until she gets back or tell her before she goes?


Any help would be appreciated. I really need it.

Yes Chris she doesn't deserve the pain but you've already done the deed that will cause that pain and if nothing else she deserves honesty.

Now I'm gonna get a little blunt with you. She deserves to know that you can't be trusted. Chris all you had to do was the next right thing and you didn't. With the full knowledge that 99% of women who go to hotel rooms to give massages end up giving a lot more, you made the call.

That all being said, by shielding her from what you did, you are not protecting her or your marriage. You are hurting both and not giving her the opportunity to unite with you to build a stronger future.

Tell her tonight and next time you're thinking about porn in any form remember you own words "a beautiful girl who doesn't deserve this pain"

yes, tell her now, today, don't wait. the more times passes, the less she'll trust you.

My husband had an emotional affair for several months with a woman from work. He then had a PA for less than a week with his new friend.

He came home at the end of the weekend, and broke down and told me. I knew she had feelings for him, but I didn't think He would let it go further.

He's told me of her many personal problems, and he wanted to help her, but it got out of control when they started discussing all their problems with each other.

She was trying to help him with our marital problems, mostly by placating him and blaming me. I know for a fact she never knew what our real "problem" really was. FWH has said so, but I never really needed to ask. If she did, she would not have wanted to be with him. The shame and guilt we both had with this issue was too much for even his friendship.

Her problems and actions are of no concern to me now, but his still are.

After the weekend of the PA, he sat in a church parking lot sobbing with shame, came home, and told told me what happened. I told him to get out, which was pushing him right into her arms, where I found him with the help of a friend. Fast forward 8 months, after he wrote a NC letter, and we are recovering very well. You can do the same, starting with honesty.

Our MC has said over and over, that it was a short term affiar and that he told me, and I didn't find him out (despite my intiution) are very good signs that the marriage can survive and thrive.

Honesty is key here.

It sounds like you are truly remorsful and that certainly helps too.

You can learn from this. It's going to be hard for her though.

It always helps when my FWH says that it was the biggest mistake of his life.

I think I may schedule an appointment with a counselor tomorrow - and then tell her that evening. That way I'll already have a counseling thing setup.

What do you think about that? I still am nervous about telling her and not sure it's worth the pain it'll cause. But I do want to be honest. I have for moment 1.

TELL HER TODAY, whether you've seen the counselor or not.


Viewing porn is not worth the pain it causes. Calling the service was not worth the pain it caused. Touching the woman's breast was not worth the pain it caused. However, honesty doesn't cause pain, your action are what caused the pain. Honesty is necessary if you wish to have a healthy relationship.

How do I tell her?

Hello .......
Actually I talked to a profession counselor and they suggested that we wait until my wife returns from vacation to tell her. They said this is because we need to work through this together and it wouldn't be good for her to be gone at that point.
Included in that is the fact that I actually talked to a counselor about what to do - so my waiting isn't simply hiding.

So I will wait to tell her.

I can understand your counselor's position. We all hope that you will still have the courage to tell her when she returns.