I have been thinking alot these past few months and reading as much as my brain can handle. I read here often about the emotional rollercoaster ride that everyone is on. I have tried to apply it all to my marriage. It just didnt seem to give me a BS a sense of normalness of the whole A thing, so I came up with my own.
Tidal waves are great catastophies that happen that can destroy lives. The erie sucking out of water from a vast ocean prior to the first wave. Then the huge wave that comes forth and destroys all in its path. Then the smaller, just damaging waves come to continue to wreak havoc to those around. Then eventually the waves die down, and are lapping on the shore with less vengance, but still there are the waves. With each passing storm the waves become stronger and then die down again, but they are still there.

Now I compare this to being a BS.
The period of time before DDay is the sucking out of energy from the marriage. When your intuition tells you "Hello, pay attention, something is up here" Now not everyone sees this, just like the tidal wave. But it is there, building into the monster that is coming.
Then DDay comes. The tidal wave of emotions, hurt, anger, pain, disgust, betrayal, disbelief, and shock. You are immobilized and just watch, hoping you can get to higher ground. The wave takes over you and tries to pull you down. You have a choice, fight or flight.
Then that wave subsides and you start to think about the future, if there is one for you. Then as you start to think you might be safe, the next smaller wave hits and you are back to square on. Fighting to breathe, to survive. This time you are even weaker, you want to run and hide, yet your love for you spouse grabs hold and you decide to try again.
Now the waves are back to semi-normal. What you do here is make another choice. You can fight each wave, try to swim the other way, or chose to try to go with the waves. You can say enough and leave the marriage, you can say mean things to the WS to make them "feel" what they did to you, you can go with the wave and work on the marriage with a little help from others.
Now things are basically on the right track. You have either moved away from the ocean or you are going to try to stick it out and live here. If you stay, you know there is a possibility of another storm even another tidal wave.
Staying in the marriage brings that possibility. I have chosen that, but the waves keep coming and sometimes the storms are so great that I escape from the area or emotional turmoil by withdrawing a little. Each storm makes it harder to stay.
I just thought that for me this was a better analogy than a rollercoaster. Any one else feel this way?
JE

Justempty,

That just about hits it right on the head. They are tidal waves and not rollercoasters. Last time I checked rollercoasters were suppsed to be fun. Can't think of too many people that would say the same about tidal waves.

Very true for me H4F.
And I love rollercoasters, so I did not like the analogy...LOL.
JE

Tidal wave sounds more like it!!!!

i agree...everything was calm and beautiful, then in a second it became a tidal wave-destroying everything in it's path, pulling me under, threatening to drown me. It will be a miracle if i survive it.

. . . and now I'm in a tidal pool, that's become rather swampy. Great analogy - it very accurately describes the reality of our lives . . .

:::Last time I checked rollercoasters were suppsed to be fun.

You can't really say anything on MBs without triggering someone. My H took his OW to a fun park and they went on the rollercoaster twice. The last time he'd gone to that fun park our son (about the same age as the OW) wasn't tall enough to reach the height limit to allow him to go on the rollercoaster. Apparently as H lined up with the bimbo he remembered how we'd tried to get our son past the height test. Perhaps they should install and personality meter and then the OW woudn't have been allowed on the ride - and an intelligence test for my H would be good!

Sorry, what was the point you were making? Yep, tidal wave works for me! But I'm now back on the beach! If another tsunami hits too bad!

AN

How beautifully poetic and so very true. Something that can be so grand yet so distructive. I love your analogy.

Thanks guys.
Eav1967 you will survive and hold strong to whatever you can. Try going along with the waves, it might just help.

Anyname, So sorry about triggering you. Didnt mean for that to happen. But I do love rollercoasters and they are soo fun, that that analogy depressed me cause I am not having fun and the downs that come with this are way lower than a rollercoaster...lol...Hold strong.

Losttiger, Thank you. To know that others think you are ok really helps alot.

JE

Oh how this analogy has come back time and time again in the past few months...
And boy does it fit!!!

[quote
You can't really say anything on MBs without triggering someone. [/quote]

Yep...agree 100%.

Lem