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Joined: Jul 2005
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I just got back from the doctor after nearly self-destructing and destroying the progress that has been made. Everyone here says the same thing... get on some antidepressants soon. I pretty much ignored everyone, even our MC.

I thought I would be man enough to handle this. I laughed inside when our MC said that this was a crisis. A crisis? Come on! We can get over this in a few weeks.

D-day was almost a month ago and I have managed to lose about 22 lbs and tons of sleep. My thinking was become completely irrational and I discovered I was experiencing my first anxiety attack. Paranoia, insecurity, hard to breath, and VERY emotional. Not a good mixture for someone who is supposed to think things through so that we can rebuild to have a better future.

I've been like this since the weekend and I finally popped. I know my WW (Undo) loves me and is truely sorry and remorseful. She has no idea how to act or feel in front of me because she is afraid that she'll make the wrong move and I'll leave her. My reactions to everything have caused her great pain.

On my way to the doctor it hit me... this is for real. I'm not gonna wake up tomorrow and it'll be gone. There are no ruby shoes that I can wear and click my heels three times and I certainly can't hit the reset button. It was my first reality check of this whole thing. I've been fooling myself for a month and all it did was hurt my beautiful wife.

I'm now starting some medication and I hope this will help me stay rational on our road to become better friends, lovers, and soulmates. I am ashamed of how I've acted and I feel that my "caveman" attitude may have hurt us.

Anyone else out there go through something like this? Anyone else think they were tuff enough to handle this crisis without medication?


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Hon - I posted to your wife today. She seems genuinely remorseful. I hate to say it, but most men are like you. Sorry guys. But men have an extremely hard time realizing that they might need a little help to get through this.

Joined: Apr 2005
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I know that when my WS had his affair, I felt that so much of my life was out of my control. I felt so powerless in many ways. My ego had taken a severe hit.

Thinking about taking ADs initially fed my sense of powerlessness and lack of control. Afterall, I was a strong person. I could handle this on my own...take charge of the situation. I didn't need something outside of myself to handle "life"! I didn't need a reminder of my "weakness".

And, who wants to be thought of as "crazy", a "head case", etc.???? That's what people would think if I started taking medication! My ego had taken enough hits. I sure as heck didn't need to have to deal with any of these labels!

But stress, and its accompanying effects, leads to changes in brain chemistry. These changes can affect our thinking, mood, impulse control, memory, etc. You saw some of that happen this past weekend. That's where ADs can be helpful. They restore the chemicals in your brain to a state that is more balanced...allowing return to more "normal" functioning. They're not meant to give you a "high" or see the world through rose-colored glasses. They just help your brain re-establish the proper balance for optimum functioning. In trying to Recover a marriage, optimum functioning is sure needed!

Good for you for getting help! That takes real courage...at a time when many of us don't feel very courageous!

Joined: May 2004
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i had my post crisis hit me upside the head months after dday and i was on antidepressants to boot. everyone handles it differently dude, don't fret, just do what you need to do for you.
hang in there.


"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 633
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I was the same way and I am not a man!!
I waited 6 weeks then started them. Thought that I was weak for taking them and stopped after 6 days. WH did the same thing, but his reasons were different. He started taking them because I was, and when I stopped he did too. Not a good story, bad ideas totally.
Stick with the meds if you possibly can, and dont think you are weak to take them. If you had an infection you would take antibiotics....what is the difference?
JE


D-day 5-18-05
35 BS (me)
52 WH
17 DS
15 DD
14 DDs twins
Currently in R.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" The Serenity Prayer
Joined: Dec 2004
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I'm glad you're on them now.. Relief is on the way.

I was on them a few days after d-day. I was on AD once before in college, and they helped me sleep and cope during a rough period. I went in to the dr. eight days later crying hysterically the whole time telling her I wanted the same meds I was on that worked 8yrs prior.

I knew I needed some sleep. I have nasty nightmares when things are bad for me. Not about what happened, but nasty just the same.

For the first time in my life, I was also having panic attacks. Crazy. My heart, body, and sould broke down for several weeks.


BW-28-me FWH-27 D-Day 10-04 Together- 13 yrs Married- 4 yrs EA- 3 months -turned into a weekend PA, he came home on Sunday and told me. HS/College Sweethearts
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I was already TAKING AD's at Dday...I immediately started taking Xanax to get me thru the crisis...i not only had to deal with the A, but my dad was also dying and has since passed on..

WE all handle it differently. you will go thru different stages during this crisis...Yes, it IS real and you MUST deal with it...but you must also learn to HEAL from it.

and you must both do that together! I haven't been to your wifes thread, but hang in there! You will get thru this...it will Take TIME...do not think it will happen over night! Healing takes a long time...



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Which AD are you taking? btw



Joined: Jul 2005
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Wellbutrin and Xanax.

Took it just a few hours ago and it really makes a difference. Not shaking right now and don't feel like everything is wrong.

Undo and I are getting ready to go right now out so I can see her sing. She sounds beautiful and I love to watch her.


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
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Quote
Wellbutrin and Xanax.

perfect! and eventually you can start weaning yourself off the xanax and just stay on the Wellbutrin...You will be able to handle this so much better now! have fun tonight



Joined: Jul 2005
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Undo and I had a great time last night. Been a while since I could actually enjoy being out with her and just being happy with our time together.

Man, this Xanax is some good stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
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Quote
Man, this Xanax is some good stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, it is good stuff...it NUMBS your feeling and it helps you cope better with a bad situation...it controls your crying, anger, anxiety...HOWEVER it is EXTREMELY addictive...be very careful taking this drug...only take what the DR has perscribed...and no more...do not use them as an excuse to take more...

I am glad you had fun last night!



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Yes... We had a very nice time. It was great to see "MyHoney" smile again.

... Undo


Wish I could "Undo" what "he" did...
Joined: Nov 2003
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Hopeful,

You WILL get through this.You are such a noobie right now so it may feel so overwhelming that you aren't sure.I don't believe that saying that "Time heals all wounds" but I do believe with more time you will cope a bit better and it won't seem so bad/acute.Even the worst case scenarios here,the folks do hang in there and survive.We are a tough bunch!

And don't feel that it is a weakness to try and go without AD's if they are needed.That's like telling a pregnant women she is stronger if she forgo's an epidural <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.If the treatment is available to help you get through a very painful and difficult time,then just avoiding it and pretending you'll be just fine is foolish.People need to make informed and educated decisions by talking with their doctor.I see you are on Xanax now so I do hope it will help stabilize your emotions and help you cope.I took an AD for 10 months and it really helped me get by.I am grateful I was able to receive some benefit.

O


BW(me)40 DDay 10/11/03 Divorcing 'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1 ~Let Higher Minds Prevail~ --------------- ~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
Joined: Jul 2005
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Thanks for the warnings, but I have had a pretty good history with not abusing drugs. I just need to learn how to cope with things on my own so I don't have anxiety attacks.

Anxiety made me think irrationaly and I did and said some things I regret. Hopefully I won't continue to make mistakes and hurt the progress we're making.


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380
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Taking a prescribed medication for a serious condition( and I do think the aftermath of finding out about Adultery IS traumatic) is not abuse.Unfortunately,AD's get a bad rap every time they are mentioned in the news.Yes I agree they are over-prescribed.However,they do have many benefits for those who really need them.

I was on the brink of suicide and did not sleep for several weeks before I started to hallucinate and lost a lot of weight after my WH dropped the bomb on me.If I had refused to see a practitioner on the false basis that all AD's are bad and abused then I don't know that I would have recovered at all.They helped me get out of bed and take care of my children when my WH was out having sex with the homewrecker.

Education about these meds and other's and their risks and benefits are what help all of us,medical professionals and lay people alike,make informed decisons regarding our health.It's not always about self will.You would lose that argument on so many issues.

Good luck.

O


BW(me)40 DDay 10/11/03 Divorcing 'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1 ~Let Higher Minds Prevail~ --------------- ~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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I'm sorry to here about your situation. I'm fortunate that my FWW (Undo) knew what she had done and had put a stop to it. Though damage was already done, I don't think it was so extreme that we won't be able to recover. Without the meds I would have made it far worse by thinking only negative things.

I consider us to be among the lucky ones in this group.


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
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H4F,

My doc started me on Lexpro and Xanax, but told me to use the Xanax just until the Lexpro kicked in.

Good for you. You guys will be OK.

k


CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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I didn't take AD's for nearly a year after d-day. I too lost 26lbs in the first three weeks after d-day...and tried to tough things out.

I DID handle things well during the crisis. Family trait I guess, not to mention my time in the military helped me hone that skill.

The problems I've been dealing with since are another matter. I've been in a depression for nearly a year after d-day...and dealing with PTSD as well. I finally broke down back in May and saw my doctor...and I've been on an AD for both since. It's made a HUGE difference, both for me personally and for my wife who was so relieved to see the changes that came about when I started on the meds.

Joined: Jun 2005
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I think that I may need to do this as well but I am hesitant. How do these things affect your perceptions and your mental clarity? I am concerned about thinking everything is OK when it's not. I'm thinking I need a clear head right now more than any other time in my life.

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