Well, my H and I got into it again last night. Started out with me asking him what his needs are (again) and what I could do to better help our relationship.

Shoulda' known what would happen, HUGE lists of how horrible I am and how I don't do anything right and in the middle of all of it something was said about truth and he said:

"YOU WANT TRUTH, I WASN'T LATE LAST WEEK BECAUSE OF TRAFFIC, WRAP YOUR CRAZY [censored] HEAD AROUND THAT"

The crappiest part about it was because that is how he told me about the (ya, right) one time he cheated on my years ago. I was asking about a whole different thing and he just screamed out "WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I CHEATED ON YOU" Then he wouldn't tell me anything more about it for a long while, and the only reason he told me any of it was because I kept bugging him. Now, it isn't even worth the emotional trauma of trying to get the information out of him, my heart already knows, it's known for a long time.

I didn't even ask him any more about it, I don't even care now. I don't know why it has taken 12 wasted years of my life to figure it out, but I didn't NEED him, I WANTED him. I can survive without him and probably be better for it.

This time I actually called my mother and told her I need help, real help. Told her about what he did years ago (never told her before, she wasn't suprised at all), and I told her as much as I love him I have to go now. She said that she and her husband would help me get a place.

I am really freaked out right now, i don't know if I am doing the right thing. I do know that I cant keep going on broken-hearted every day and being told that I don't do anything right, when that is all that I try to do.

I love him so very much, I think that I am stupid enough that if he came home right now and admitted everything I would stay and try again.

If anyone has some advice on what my next step should be...

-Spiningswan

(((Springswan)))

So sorry about this.

I don't have a lot of great advice.

However, before you do anything life-changing, like moving out, think this through. Make a list of the pros and cons of staying and going.

Now that the A is out in the open, consider some MC. Is the A over?

Do you have kids?

You are in my prayers

Thank you

The A isn't really out in the open, he hasn't said anything about this one. He just told me that he really wasn't stuck in traffic like he said he was, then wouldn't say why.


Yes, we have 2 children.

I think I have been making that list for many years now. There is always more reason I should go then for me to stay.

I think I have been in serious denial for a long time and using the idea that I needed proof so I wouldn't have to accept that he would do that to me again.

-SS

I assume that you mentioned MC assuming the affair was over? It was admitted to last week, so I doubt that the affair(s) is/are over. It also sounds like there have been multiple cheating episodes. Multiple cheating episodes IMVHO are a whole different animal than a one time "addictive" affair episode that is so often talked about here.

Sourmale

Spring, first sorry you are here again. I think you have stated above what is so hard for many many people to reconcile.....Their own denial.....Once you accept the premise above (at it sounds like you are), then you can calmly plan your next steps. It sounds like your sitaution is not a situation that has arisen from your WH "addiction" to one other woman. Perhaps it is, I will try and read more about your situation.

Sorry you are here.

LM