My husband looks like the same man only a lot thinner. He is not happy, silly and loving as he used to be. When I recall old memories, he acts as if he has amnesia and cries that those memories had left him. He tells me that our life seemed like a million years ago and it all seems so foreign to him. Could it be that his trek down the wrong road was so traumatic to him that it caused something like a nervous breakdown? He truly is like an empty shell. Functions well only in his job where the OW is and feels unappreciated at that job but keeps plowing through. Has made half-hearted attempts to find other work. Complains that he gets no support at work. Says he cares about her as a person. He tells me tearfully that he loves me, but that other guy I lived with is just not there. He went to church with me and cried through the Promise Keepers service and has called the associate pastor I introduced him to to get together with him. The associate pastor says he was very sincere about his desire to get help. Could it be that this stranger is keeping my old honey prisoner in him or does that old loving, funny person just die when he heads down the wrong path? Someone please talk to me. I am not in love with this strange man. I miss my husband and am living on my own to "give him space to sort things out".

I do not know much about your situation, but perhaps the problem here is GUILT. It can weigh down the spirit.<P>I think that going to speak with a minister is a great step. As long as that minister is forgiving. I hope that you and your hhusband know a loving God, who forgives us and not a vengeful one.<P>Bear with him as if he has a serious illness. Keep an eye on him for other signs of depression. <P>God bless you both.

Ceverson1,<BR> Welcome to the board. I feel so stupid saying that when we are here due to pain , but it is a place to come to have someone who has been where you are talk to you.<BR> Your honey is in there someplae. One of the biggest problems someone who has done this has is guilt. Guilt will eat you alive if allowed to do so. All you an do is reassure him you love him at this point. His going to PK services and being willing to talk to the Assoc. Pastor are wonderful signs. May I suggest a Chrit entered conselor ? You both need someone who can/will<BR>help you both at this time. No we don't love them as we do/did when they were themselves. But given time ,love. are we all work thing through and while your marriage will never be what it was, it can be better. It takes time, for both of you. If he seems really down he may need an anti-depressant for a while. Nothing that will zombie him out, but something to help him get through the bad times. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi C-1<P>Read your post...feel for you...I am a pastor and have faced my own struggles...not fallen...but battled for sure. You can read my post on the lengthy thread about "creeps" <BR>I am about midway down to give you a better idea of where I am coming from.<P>I would be confident in telling you that what your husband is experiencing right now is like an itoxicating poison that is in his system. You are right...he is not himself. It will take some time to work through it and get it out of him. There is some brokeness, romorse, guilt, repentance, shame, etc that is overwhelming him...along with an unhealthy "bonding" to this OW. Did not read your profile...but believe me, I know. PK is good...church is good...keep him going....get him to read some of these boards...they can help...whatever it takes...see him through it...he will come back...with more compassion, love, and tenderness...with the help of God. Hang in there.

Hi C-1 <P>I call it the Jekyll/Hyde personality!!!<P>It's common I have found, like people have said - comes from guilt. I think that its some sort of self protection thing......this is the result of acting against their own value and moral system.<P>I'm just Waiting for this alien to leave his body!!!!! <P>Hugs and Strength to you,<P>Sheba

Oh, boy am I thankful for all of you. My husband is again on a business trip where this woman will be and I just know how weak he is to her. My mind is struggling against the pictures of what could happen down there. He could not meet w/ the pastor as he would be gone this week. It is my birthday today...no card, no gift....things that didn't use to matter to me. He did call me this a.m. and tell me to have a wonderful birthday. I told him I would try and I wish it could be different circumstances. It is hard for me to sit here and imagine what could be going on down there. I just have to let him go, I guess. God must have a plan for him and me and that may include his falling deeper into this thing before he realizes how truly destructive and painful it is. I guess I have to sit back and let whatever may be, be. I have been tempted to just seek out another man as a distraction...but truly have no desire for another man. I just think if it happened this wouldn't be so painful and I would not be trying so hard with him.<BR>Bless you all for your caring. This is truly a wonderful place to go with this burden<BR>C

Hi C-1 <P>HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!<P>Oh yuck, what a time for him to be there and exposed to her.....<P>Don't let your thoughts consume you..there is no purpose to that but to make yourself nuts!!! No nuts allowed on Birthdays!!! LOL!!!<P>I know this is so hard, I truly feel your pain and anguish. I, and a lot of others here, have been there and still are experiencing it.<P>Try to keep focused on learning more about things. Remember the fantasy aspect of all this. That is what helps me the most....he's just not him!!!<P>About your other man thoughts - it would not have the desired effect. Actually it would have the opposite effect. You would be complicating your life so much more than the nightmare it is now!! <P>You do not need to receive male attention to validate your self worth!!<BR>You are a good person and your H's actions are not because of anything lacking in you!!! He is the one with the problem and he needs to start being honest and looking at what is really going on and then put his confusion to rest by working on the problems within the marriage.<P>You are there..wanting to work on it. You are trying to do your part...where does that show that you are the one who needs is somehow not good enough for him that you need to even think of losing any of your self esteem?<P>Balogna!!!! <P>You just keep learning about relationshis and communication and take this time to better yourself from a knowledge standpoint. Only good can come from that.<P>We're all here for you and don't you dare start downing yourself!!<P>A BIG BIRTHDAY HUG to YOU!!!!<P>Sheba