Westy,

I have read your thread and I think I see a pattern going on in your life that you are NOT paying any attention to. Look back at your posted history and notice that you have "failed" a lot because you set yourself up to fail. Even in University you took on two majors (not a good thing to do even in the best of situations) AND then worked 30-50 hours aweek. I have some experience with Austrailian Universities, they are not so easy that you could have ever expected to succeed at this. You then chase a woman to Europe KNOWING that you cannot work, you don't speak the language, and you don't know the culture.

You then live with your current GF, but have no job prospects, have other issues, including alcohol and drugs, and then you are surprised that she leaves.

Westy I have one piece of advice for you...ONE THING AT A TIME. You may be bright but you are not smart, and there is a huge difference. It is time you got smart. Focus on your job, focus on building up your reserves (emotionally, financially etc), THEN start to consider commitment, marriage, family, house, etc.

Westy get your life in order and do things in order. Everytime you have done things out of order, you have been nailed and I can tell you from a long way ahead of you in years that this will NOT change.

Work on your issues, work at your job, for the time being allow your GF her freedom by not contacting her. Get counseling, and square away your life or your life will be like your parents. It is already a lot like your folks. Lots of things going on but ultimately they fail because of lack of preparation and over commitment.

Westy your problem is NOT your girl friend. Your problem is you have not figured out how to use your talents and that requires you be smart, being intelligent is not nearly enough.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

Dear JL
I am quite touched that you hit the nail right on the head. (just from reading what I decided to write in this thread)

I have always realised that I am my own worst enemy (self destructive, negative, all of that).
I have pained myself trying to figure out what smart is (obviously intellegence doesnt count for much if you cannot harness it to your advantage), & how I can achieve more.

You are dead right about the Uni......I ended up becoming an insomniac & eventually had burnout to the point of a near-complete emotional & physical breakdown.

Re: Europe - in my defence I was unaware of the problems - I was asured that I would be able to work, etc by XW. HOWEVER - I should have completed Uni before going anywhere or doing anything else. (Even just 1 degree, instead of 2)

I am happy to say that the alcohol and drug abuse is neatly in the past (I find myself consciously needing to fight the urges and have been successful at it. With all this turmoil, it would have been so easy to fall down that road again - it just takes a phone call, and I could be back on the wagon to destruction.....but I resist the urges)

- I do, still like a quite drink or bottle of wine - but nothing like the binging of the past.

Unfortunately, I wasnt really surprised that GF left me - it was the timing (I truly thought things were going much better for us). But mostly, & the most painfully, is that she had an A & left me for another guy - that just tears me up.

I am trying to step back and take things slowly now......firstly, to enjoy my current job. Next will be to replace it with a better one (hopefully before Xmas).
Jan, next year, I restart my studies (not gonna finish degree - already done that. A Masters this time. Part time, at home. Gotta focus on it. I need that sense of achievement of starting something & seeing it thru til the end.

History has repeated over and over for me - I have at least realised this for awhile. Its just been that I havent seen HOW I am supposed to do it.

I make a commitment to myself today: No more shortcuts. No more ego/arrogance. Take it slow, but steady. Enjoy what I am doing. Find at least 3 things everyday that are positive (lovely day, friendly person, good achievement - whatever)

Mostly, not knowing how to best use my talents has held me up - uncertainty of your particular reason for being is a tough thing. I am above average at alot of things (most tend to bore me after awhile), but I need to find something that lights a raging fire inside of me; that really excites me. Im not sure what that is.
I am, however, working on it. Im reading lots of self help/self improvement/self empowerment books/etc and am beginning to see some things in a different light.

Thanks so much for your insight.

Just 1 thing - what if GF contacts me? How should I act (I do miss her dearly, & she is (besides everything) such a fantastic lady, and, to boot, my best friend in the whole......what should I do?

westy

Westy: Good to hear from you and I'm already proud that you are making the effort to try and fix this situation and improve yourself rather than doing something destructive (which I'm sure was very tempting at the beginning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />).

I really want to remind you again not to get your hopes up. If she had wanted to leave this guy and come back to you she already would have taken steps in that direction ie. maintained regular contact, talked to you about reconciliation, moved out of his place and back to her friend's house. She has not been doing any of the above and is probably not thinking about coming back to you.

My guess is that she wants to see you in order to try and expalin, perhaps justify, her actions to you and where the relationship went wrong from her point of view. I think she will confirm that the relationship is over for her and she will ask you to avoid contact for a period until you have both had a chance to heal. Remain positive in your attitude but expect the worst for this upcoming meeting, anything better is a bonus.

So you talked to her again yesterday?? Update us on the convo.

JL: AMEN !!!!!!!!!!!! You are so insightful. I've known Westy for over 5 years and could not have nailed like that. He is so easily distracted; it's as if he is incapable of focusing on one thing and completing it(apart from gardening). I will be really interested if he finally makes it to a psychiatrist to see whether he might be diagnosed with ADD.

OK - As you say CKTC.....its over (at least for now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

Time to get on with life. We had our talk and decided not to have any contact for at least a couple of mths - which basically means 'until the fire is totally out, I guess'

CKTC - I hate you being so right bro.....but you know that already.

How about some help for my self improvement ( I am looking into IC), so what else - focusing on work/study or something?

Its all so sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.....such a waste.
Anyway - here we go - the circle of life begins again......

????????

wot now?

I'm getting feelings like - I dont want to see her again....too much disrespect; too much pain......

CKTC.....u out there?