Does anyone know how tricare finaces MC? My WH is refusing counselling with them as is afraid someone will find out and he will lose security clearances. (Ironic, a cheater with security clearances!) He is really suffering as has no one to talk to except OW--whom he hasn't talked with in almost 3 wks. Theirs was a work affair and so no one knew. He is still reading "after the affair" so we can try some things to move forward. I am on cloud 9 today because he came home from 2 day tdy (business trip)yesterday and told me he was tempted but did not call OW while gone--yay!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He would not do a NC letter b4 he left so am really glad he was so strong--I was a nervous wreck but didn't pester him when he got home and he just came out and told me. We have recently moved and during unpacking last weekend I found him upset, tearful in the basement. Guess I am coming on too strong for him and he hates to be alone sometimes with me because I'm so obsessed with talking, moving on, encouraging SF (not happening). Anyway, can anyone give me some info on Tricare or what counselling runs if we have to pay ourselves? He needs some outlet--won't visit here (no computer set up yet anyway at home).Thanks!!

My husband is ADAF , had a emotional affair while TDY ,
then, lucky me , when he went to his dad for advice about it all . His dad told him to send me and the kids home and get divorced . Yeah , his father basically said to dump all of us . What did I or the kids do to deserve that ? Nothing . Its hard to describe but its like he has had 2 emotional affairs one with her and one with his dad. My husband is now serving his year remote near Iraq . This has turned out to be a good thing as he has gotten a taste of life without his children and I in it .
And he dont like it . We have a long way to go, but I know that he sees his mistakes and we can both see the downward spiral that has been our lives for these past 2 years .
Although I hate to admit it , this EA has really forced him to take a look at himself and his destructive family , and our marriage is alot better today .

Anyways , back to your question .

My husband has a top secret clearance also . One of the things he was required to do was tell his commander that we where having marital trouble . Actually , he told the commander before he told me . I went to the tricare office and got the names of MC's in the area and looked for one . Tricare paid it all . It was very easy . On the billing statements we got it was in my name . My husbands commander was 100 % behind my him leaving work weekly to go with me .
Your husband is required to let the commander know about anything a enemy could blackmail him with .
Anyways , I know this is sort of long and drawn out . But I wanted to let you know you arent alone . There are alot of military wives on this board . Your husband needs to let his commander know there are problems .
I hope I somehow answered your questions, feel free to ask more , If I dont know the answer I know someone who does .
It will just take about a day to get a answer back from him .

Call your base hospital and ask them what/how Tricare deals with this. Also, ACS (Army Community Services) might know some good information on family/marriage/individual counseling options as well. Talk with your battalion chaplain too...he also should know some good options for counseling.

Thanks so much for the info. My husband is concerned that the fact he's receiving the counselling would alter his clearance status--I think he needs something for depression (only one in his family not on meds) but he is very adamant I not mention "D" word for the same career concerns. His former commander did tell him he is to tell current commander but he just started his job and hasn't so far; will bring it up tonight. aKeeper--did you both go to counselling but the fact you made the appt put it in your name only? Thanks!

Hi ! All of the tricare stuff was in my name . I just walked into the office and asked for a list of MC's in the area and they handed it to me . My husband just came along. The MC told us that 70 % of her clients are military . We saw people in flight suits , officers , enlisted in the waiting room . My husbands security clearance was never a factor in all of this. I do know that while his squadron was pretty small , no one ever knew exactly why we where going to seeing the MC .
Neither of us ever took anti Depressants during this time to I dont have a answer for that . ( Looking back , I really should of. )

I asked my husband to go to a MC with me for months
before I found out why he was behaving the way he was . I didnt find the message board until after it was all said and done . He was very reluctant, to say the least .
(Same ole song and dance you hear from alot of WS's on this board) . After he told me about his involvment with
the other woman , I pretty much cried for 3 days straight .
It all made such perfect sense to me then . You know, the dreaded " Fog " . During that time I told him , " I am going to comeout of this a better person , with or without you " . Well his lightbulb turned on . And he said he would go to the MC with me . He says now that MC was the best thing that he ever did . When he gets back from his remote , he wont hestiate to go again if we need it .

Yes , I do have a point here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> . I want to urge you to go to some sort of councelling on your own . I look back and an see how I should of just went by myself . YOu have been put in a horrible situation , you need a outlet . I felt that his affair was way above my scope of reasoning and I needed a nuetral someone to help me work it out. Maybe after you go for a little while , your husband will join you . Either way , it would help you greatly .

Also , If you are able it might be a good idea to pop into his office and ask him to open his work email for you .
His military email account was a huge stickler for me . I had no way of checking it daily , but you bet your bottom dollar I popped in one day and asked to see it . If they are in contact , thats probably how .

I hope this helps you . You seem very strong , make sure you take care of yourself . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sorry for the delay in rsponse--just got internet at home--no more sneaking on my mom's---thanks for your info--Strong is not a word I would use to describe myslef--thanks! I'll take any support! Tried to talk with H today and he is against any going through Tricare--said "fine--we will use retirement $ to pay privately". Thanks again--will probably read your posts here and vice versa--take care!

Hello!
I am also a military wife, it just amazes me how many military wives/husbands post on this board. I just cant believe it. Its nice to know your not alone. I am also glad to see that tricare will pay for MC. My H was required also to tell his commander he isnt a really high ranking officer or anything but he did have to tell his commander his sgts. I dunno how true it is but they told him if he keeps it up he could go to jail?! Is that true? Anyways, sorry if it seems like i butt into your board, but I have been wondering myself if tricare helps with this sort of thing!

Tricare will cover 100 %. If there is not a spot available on post you will be referred to someone off post. Even off post care will be fully covered. Depending on the size of your Mental Health facility/if your base has a lot of deployments will probably determine if they have space on post.

It is in the military's best interest to help save marriages and they are pretty big on helping if they know there is a situation. As long as you are on DEERS you are set.

Ronaile- your H can not go to jail for infidelity. (only way that is possible is if it is carnal knowledge which is sexual contact with a minor, sexual harassment which usually results in rank taken away) If the relationship is with another soldier it usually means rank taken away and move of duty station for one of the parties.

I think the amount of military spouses we have on this board shows how difficult military relationships can be-esp. during so many deployments. I would wonder what the rate is now versus when there were not so many deployments? Would be interesting to know! If anything it is a big warning to our government to cough up some extra cash so we can increase the mental health field on our military posts.

Maggie (military wife)

Thanks Maggie for clearning that up! Maybe they just told him that to put a scare in him. His Commander and Sgts all know me and are probably like man are you crazy?? LOL Our base is pretty big, I have to call ACS next week when i get home then i'll take it from there. Do you need to see the doctor or do you need a referel.

I am in the midst of using TriCare for my IC and all it requires is a $25 co-payment for each visit. Keep in mind, I am using TriCare retired...I am not sure what benefits the AD people receive.

Anonymity is assured until he goes through his Periodic Re-investigation (PR) where he will sign a form giving the investigators permission to look through his records.

My STBXW and I are both SCI cleared and we both got our clearances back, even with Article 15's for adultery in our records.

I would think the only REAL concern would be with a serial cheater...

As an aside, when my STBXW comes up for her PR, I will not lie about ANYTHING to the investigators...

Hoep that helped,

Scott

I'm also active duty Air Force with an SCI clearance.

As long as the counseling is marriage related, it can't effect your/his clearance.

Even saying that, it will be part of your investigation when it comes time to renew your clearance. I opted for off-base counseling instead. Most counselors charge on a sliding scale and I didn't pay too much more than the $25 WHnowBS.

God Bless,

Doug

Ronaile,

Call Tricare and ask if you will need a referral, I think you might. Not 100% sure on that. If so just all and make an appointment with a post doc. I don't know how it is where you are but here most docs are civilian which does make it easier to tell them something personal. I do know that if there are no openings on post (Mental Health) they will refer you off post and there will be no charge to you.

Owl mentioned above about contacting a chaplin, good idea. There are many programs the post churches have that may benifit. ACS would know too.

It is great that your H's superiors know you and are keeping an eye on him. They sound like good leaders if they are taking the time to get thru to him...even if they are using scare tactics! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am sure you are very anxious for him to come home so you can get started on a new future together.

I have talked to a chaplain, I am to make an appt. with ACS when i get back home next week. I am lucky that he has good superiors that are helping us and helping him keep doing a good job over there. Does something like this go on a record? I dont know how this works! I will contact Tricare and see what they say.
Thanks for all the wonderful imput, its nice knowing people are saying good luck instead of saying well why are you staying with him after what he did? Well, bc i see something worth saving in our marriage! Its just nice getting positive feedback. I will let everyone know how things turn out, I am very anxious and looking forward to my H coming home. I am counting the days til we are back together!