Okay...this is rushed - and I'm not planning on giving it to her just yet; as it's a horribly quick Plan B letter; but its a start - we'll build on it as we go.

I have always been blessed with great writing ability; and I want to incorporate this into my letter; which at this point, is a rushed, badly written document.

For now - let's look at the content and evaluate what I need to change and or add.

Oh, and by the way - my W called - she won't be here until 2 and then has to go out with her mom at 3; but she will be coming back later tonight; so I have plenty of time to revise this letter.

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Dearest Nanabear...

It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. It deeply saddens me when I stop and look at what has happened to us and to our marriage. The decision I now make is out of a necessity to spare what I can for love of you. I have made many mistakes in the past and cannot change those mistakes or take them back. I put the computer before my relationship with you for several months and lost sight of that love that brought us from miles apart into each others arms nearly two years ago. I tried to control your personal life as if it were my own and to keep you from your best friend...

Over the past month and a half, I have been able to recognize these errors in judgment and inaction; and have learned countless amounts about what it truly means to be a compassionate and loving husband and a faithful companion.. After emercing myself in God's word and a supportive community of people that have given me insight into the world of true husbandry, I have come to a point in my life where I can insure that the neglect I showed both of us during our marriage is something that will never happen again. Spending quality time together; cuddling, laughing, sharing our Final Fantasies together; slipping you well-thought and loving notes while you're at work or at home - or even in class; I would give anything to give you the happiness those times brought us before. Dropping anything for time together is something I never thought twice about before things went south; and that is something that will be brought back; ensuring a healthy, secure, and fun marriage; a relationship that rivals the best of our blissful memories.

I am truly sorry for helping to create and sustain an environment that has helped destroy the security and trust you once had for me. I had a responsibility to meet your most important needs; and by lacking the right judgment, I did little to aid efforts in building and growing our love for each other. I lost sight of how important the quality one on one time we spent with one another was. I also lost sight of your individuality and tried turning you into someone you weren't instead of looking in the mirror and realizing that my insecurities about you weren't coming from you or your friends; but from myself. After spending two months meeting with RIchard, I have finally been able to realize these things and correct them. I married you because you were you, not because of who I wanted you to be; I wanted you to be you. Now I know I am more than able to not just meet those needs, but to be lovingly enthusiastic in doing so.

I have had a most difficult time over the past few months. There has been nearly unbearable pain and hurt in the time I've spent learning to mend my failings. The pain and hurt, even though causing me great anguish, has let me know what strength I really possess. The dual nature of hurt and strength makes a conflict that now leads me to an inescapable conclusion. This conclusion, I will hold firm to, as I have learned my strength will only be in my resolve.

Nanabear, the conclusion I write of, is that until you can truly decide that being together or apart is what you want; I can no longer see you or in anyway communicate with you.The continued pain has become an unhealthy part of my learning to be the best possible husband for the one I love and has made it nearly impossible for me to interact with you fully and whole-heartedly in happiness and enthusiasm, something that you've expressed a great need for in your life and relationships.

Shan, this decision isn't meant as a measure to punish you. It is simply meant as a way to prevent anymore erosion of the love I have had for you, even the kind of love I had for you during our times of uncertainty.

As soon as you can fully, permanently and unconditionally commit to us I am willing to do whatever it takes to start a full recovery of our marriage. However, if your intentions going into this separation are to meet other men; I will concede and let you move on with your life without me - as will I move on without you. Bringing another man into the picture will create an unpassable rift in my journey to become the loving and faithful husband for you that I once was.

So, with great regret do I tell you that, until you decide that being together as husband and wife is what you want, I will be unable to contact you; nor will I be able to see you or speak with you. Should you decide to move on to another man; then - in essence, with great regrets; this is my last goodbye.

I want us, not me alone, nor you alone, but us, to rebuild our marriage. We need to build a new lifestyle. Everything can be done to make us both happy. I know it is possible for our marriage to flourish, and have no more separations in body or spirit. We have seen how glorious we can be together when we're on the same page. I want to be your best friend and a husband that any woman would be proud to have as a spouse. I want to be the same man that wrote you four page letters every day because he wanted to; because it made him happy seeing the smile on his gracious wife's face light up with joy. I want you to be happy again.

Shanna bear, I will always love you - and I will never forget the smiles and happiness we brought one another during the great times; before I lost sight of truly blessed I was with such a loving and compassionate person in my life. Snuggling in bed together; the warm touch of your skin meeting mine, the laughter and silliness. These are the moments I would die for; they are who you are - a girl who I have always loved more than life itself.

Should you decide to come home - I will be here with open arms and a warm spot next to me in our bed. I will stay in our apartment in Pullman until I graduate, should you decide that a relationship together is what you want; we can re-enroll you; or work on transferring closer to home and getting us both an education and a sturdy foundation to base any future family we might create together on. If you decide that you want to move back in with me and work on rebuilding our marriage together, you can e-mail me - I will not know my new phone number for a month or so.

I love you.

Aaron

OK...you went on WAAAYYY too much about all of 'your faults' in this marriage. You're STILL making it sound like this is all your fault.

Also...provide CLEAR guidelines on what she needs to do in order to 'come back'. She's got to give up her desire to act like she's not married, she will have to fully commit to re-creating a new marriage relationship with you. I'm sure there are other things...but make sure she understands exactly what your expectations are for her return.

Just my thoughts.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay toooo looooong.

Susan

Where is the meat? It is all mushy and there are no points to it about what you are asking!

HINY

i don't know - im completely lost as to how i'm going to go about writing this letter; i don't even know if i want to write it anymore; everything is so confusing.

Fox,

Bag that one brutha...you are writing with your heart...not your brain.

It's gotta be straight forward, business like and to the point.

You've already SHOWN and TOLD her how you feel, she knows it OK. THis letter is the start of her finding out what it is like to NOT have it.

Let me try...this is from the book mostly

Dear (insert name here...no nannabear stuff)

I am sorry what I've done in helping make it possible for you to have an affair. (insert one thing you think may be the leading cause) and that meant I wasn't there for you when you needed me.

I am willing to avoid our past mistakes and create a new marriage for us that will make us both happy, but I can't do that until you end your affair with (whoever)

Until that time I will avoid seeing or talking with you, I will not be able to help you financially.

I ask that you respect my decision to seperate from you this way. You have to know how much I am suffering, how much I have endured because of your affair. I can't be with you knowing you are with someone else. Istill love you, but I cannot see or speak to you with this affair going on.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair, and willing to do the things neccessary to make sure there is no contact, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to rebuild our marriage someday. I want it to be filled with great joy while we satisfy each others needs. I never want us to do anything to hurt each other again. I want to be your best friend, always there for you and I want you to be my best friend.

I loved you when I married you and I love you now. I just cannot be with you or help you while you are seeing/having an affair

All my love
Fox

Something like that, adjust it to fit your sitch...this is just a rough outline...see it is respectful, it reminds, but is not an emotional piece of work...you can't trust your emotions Fox, and she doesn't really care about yours right now

Thats because you are allowing your emotions to take charge Fox....

I know, I've been there..you allow your eotions to cloud your decisions and you'll be shocked at how low you will sink...how much you will put up with....how disrespectful she will become. How much you will end up despising the ground she walks on.

Look, it is easier to just assume everything she is saying is a lie right now unless you have irrefutable proof that it is the truth.

You plan A'ed right? WW is still doing her thing right? You know Plan A was for you in the end, and Plan B is for you in the end as well.

What do you think you will accomplish by extending the pain for you?

If you want to her to destroy every bit of love you have for her till you don't want her back...then continue on in the way you have.

If you feel that you are at the end of your rope, you need to do a Plan B...for her and you.