Hi Elixer,<P>Simply, I just wanted to say thanks for speaking your mind, making solid, thoughtful points, and handling this all pretty well.<P>While we've only had a few posts to get to know each other, I think I know enough to count you a person of strong character. <P>Again, welcome to the group. I hope you decide to stay awhile.<P>Then again...just my opinion.

Hi DuncanMac,<P>Thanks. <P>I have to be honest though: I've often been told that my main character flaws are a decided lack of diplomacy and tact. At least I make a horribly bad liar as a result - I look terribly guilty over the simplest of things. (Q: "Did you drink the last cup of coffee?" Me: "Uh... uh... uhmmm... nnnooo????" LOL)<P>I hope to be as good a person as I can be and to help others want to be good people. I only want people to be good and honest with each other. I believe that if everybody was honest, either the world would be a perfect place ...or we'd be extinct in a matter of hours. <P>I will stick around as best I could. I found this place late at night, surfing the net, and was so very impressed with so many of the people here. There has been so much pain and suffering and it has (although been a horrible experienced) helped to transform so many into such better people. It has woken people up to the reality that we all need to work together to make life worth living. <P>Sometimes I wonder if it hurts to change from a caterpillar into a butterfly... if the price it takes for such a miraculous change (into what we were always intended to become) is what we have to pay...<P>

Hi Elixer,<P>I'd meant to get back to you for a coupla days, just now having the time to do so. Having done some reading on other threads first, I noticed you there as well. Glad to see.<P>You went thru a bit of a baptismal fire, eh? Well, this guy thinks you handled it quite well. Sure, you've been outspoken. But, I also found your follow-up posts to be more thoughtful and considerate.<P>I sense a good person with a quick mind over there on the other side of the electronic curtain from where I sit. One who is curious and wants to know more. There are so many people here from whom we can learn. And we can also offer something in return. <P>I really enjoy it here. I never ceased to be amazed. As you do, I try to learn as much as I can, and be the best person I can be. My biggest struggle is oftentimes with myself. I sense you've got a little of that as well.<P>Anyhoo, again, welcome fellow traveller. And, I can't say whether caterpillars feel pain but I know we do. The growth process often is a source of it. Yet, where there is no growth, there is withering. I choose the pain of growth and face it head-on.<P>See ya around, I hope.

Whooo, Elixer - you sure know how to make an entrance! BTW, I'm DMac's wife.<P>I got a laugh out of your 'honesty' statement, about the world either being a better place, or being extinct in a matter of minutes! Judging from events around here, maybe a little of each .<P>Skins are a little thin lately - one of our favorite "Betrayer-Bashers" has just shown up recently again - which partly explains the strong reaction to your initial thread (but ya gotta admit - it did come on pretty strong at first!). <P>This IS a really cool place though, and the vast majority of people here broad-minded, & interested in learning, understanding, helping & forgiving. Hope you'll stick around - you got a lot to say!!

I would like to extend my hand, and welcome you too. <P>We are a "firey" group of people, but our main focus is rebuilding our marriages - and I think a little of rebuilding ourselves.<P>We are not here to just survive but to overcome this enemy of infidelity. <P>You did start off as a firey entrance! Whew! Let that thread die now, and let's get into the trenches in our marriages and our souls.<P>Nice to have you join us.<BR>TNT

<p>[This message has been edited by Elixir (edited September 30, 1999).]

<p>[This message has been edited by Elixir (edited September 29, 1999).]

Hi y'all, <P>WOW, I think it's amazingly cool that y'all visit the site as H & W. You guys must learn a LOT about sharing and communicating! It makes me smile. <P>Yes, I must admit, my entrance was far from "discreet." I hope I won't be tempted to do any more of that, as I now realize the hurt I may have inflicted on others who are here to heal. <P>I have been doing a lot of soul-searching since I first posted because of all the anger so many have so rightfully pointed out. I am not angry with my H, as some might think - I think I am angry with myself. <P>The one thing I left out of my story is the fact that my H is back in jail (almost three months now) - parole revoked, new charges pending - the authorities apparently discovered some more evidence of stuff that he'd done during his crime spree so long ago, and want him to pay for his wrongdoings. I had thought all this was behind us and was looking forward to building a new life - it was an incredibly devestating shock to actually see him put in handcuffs and hauled away... My H was trying very, very hard, and I have so much respect for the effort he put into everything since he was released. <P>Now it looks like almost all of our hard work and suffering has been for nothing. H is looking at another eight months to a year in jail. While I love my H as much as I love life, I can't help but find myself hating the prospect of being alone again for so long. I feel as if I am being punished along with my H, even though I did nothing wrong. None of my family or friends have ever supported our decision to salvage our marriage, and I have very little outside support. It is hard to cry on somebody's shoulder when the shoulder you cry on has to be your own! It is a tough situation. <P>Like I said in another thread, I'm not perfect - far from it. I've had many temptations over the years and have so far successfully resisted; I have in fact prided myself on my strength of character. Now, though, I find myself not wanting to resist anymore. I find myself considering committing the very same act that so devestated me when my H was unfaithful, and find me trying to convince myself that it wouldn't be so wrong, it wouldn't be betrayal. My fiery denounciation of betrayers was, I think, more of an angry outlash at the feelings and desires within myself than at anyone else. <P>Wow, how's that for honesty? I think I have expressed it more clearly here than I have even to myself before now. Before now I haven't even realised what I was truly thinking...<P>I think I will have much more to thank from all of you than you will from me in the near future. <P>So very human! Elixir

Hi, Elixer,<P>You've really been chewing on things, huh? <P>Listen, it sounds like you have so much on your plate right now - try to just 'let things rest' awhile, things have a way of sorting themselves out if you *let* them instead of trying to force them.<P>I think you hit on some interesting stuff in your recent mulling over of things... like being so forceful about betrayers because you fear maybe becoming one yourself - that's really insightful! Please stick around & use this place as a 'shoulder to cry on' and a place to bounce around ideas. The people here really are the greatest (except for the occ. "whack-a-doodle" that shows up - thanks to Sheba for the term!).<P>I know 8 mos - 1 year sounds like a very long time..but keep The Big Picture in mind. In the *cosmic plan* it's not really very long... and I can tell you that cleaning up after an affair is a much longer sentence than that. I don't blame you for feeling angry & confused & lonely - but really think about what you & your H are trying to rebuild. Is he worth it? Only you can answer that. If so, the time he's gone can certainly be put to use in better ways than having a fling! That would only confuse your lives even more... <P>Hey, last but not least, don't pay any attention to family/friends who are giving you a hard time about rebuilding your marriage - that old saying about walking a mile in somebody's shoes really applies - only people who have been touched by infidelity know that it really is possible to get past it magnificently. Just thank 'em for their concern, & tell them you're doing what you believe to be right for *your* marriage.<P>Good luck, let us know how things are going!<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>