Sorry I have edited several times.....

Funny after I talked with him, he promised me I could check him out thouroughly, but when he heard I was visiting OW he didnt call or text and he hasn't come home. it looks like he's guilty.

The only reason he knew, so that I couldn't suprise him, is that I crossed text messages with him...sent ow message to his phone. so, thats that. the cat is out of the bag.

On the other hand, the OW, who is young and inexperienced, seemed rather disturbed by everything and contacted me with help to stop the whole thing. It looks like he got a second phone. I am doing the skip trace now and I'm hoping it gives me the answers. The OW did seem sincere and said it hadn't gotten too far and she thought the next step was romance.

So, while it may seem inappropriate it may have stopped in time (IF he stops, because obviously it hadn't stopped), however the bigger problem is he continued to lie about contact. I am not sure what exactly I should be doing right now. I haven't tried to contact him in 3 hours. the last contact he asked me "why" I was going to see her, and I said, well if you haven't lied and you haven't contacted me, then there will be nothing to find...

the silence is deafening.

I am thinking I do not contact him at all right now and let him sweat, he doesn't know the results, unless OW blabbed. She doesn't know that he knows I know.

I know that perhaps that I may be jumping to conclusions, but if nothing is amiss then oh well. it just proves him to be trustworthy. She may be playing a big cruel joke on me.

I am thinking I need to expose further. Not sure who.

I am not sure what i should say to him, "I want to make this marriage work but I cannot with you carrying on like this, keeping secrets and using secret phones." then what do I do? how do I ask him what he is planning on doing? and how is he going to fix it?

Please help. At least since SHE exposed to me, do you think he'll stop now?


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and unless its a cruel joke, she's going to show me that my wh has not stopped contact.

I need a no contact letter, this is going to happen very quickly. Please.

so what do I do if he has resumed contact? Do I have to Plan B? or can I see if he breaks down.

no contact letter? Don''t you want to hear what she has to say?

yes I do, but I want to be prepared. If my wh has continued contact, i want to know what I can do. If he will agree to a NC letter...

Sorry, this is very scary. I think I will get to know the nature of the relationship, but if he has been dishonest to me about contacting her. Or if she's playing a cruel joke on me, that will be dispicable.

I feel like I want to curl in a ball and die. The proof will be in her phone, he knows she contact me.

by the way, it will be in one hour that I will find out.

and what should my boundary be if its true? I dont' know what to do in this instance. He knows I know and am going to find out.

Don't know what to do? Well, you tell him to knock it off. Ask him how he plans on ending his affair.

like "I know what is going on, and I will not tolerate it. What do you plan to do to end this and save our marriage?"

bump

I think I would ask him to write a no contact letter. Has he done that yet?

Please calm down. You need to be very matter of fact.

he hasn't written a NC letter. I'm calm, surisingly so...but I'm worried about what will I say if he calls or comes home? or should I sit quiet and let him squirm?

He contacted me. He said in text message "I do not want to fight everything OK" i replied "what do you want to do then?"

PLEASE, is this fog? Do I tell him not to come home tonight. Do I tell him I know?

Yes, this is the fog. You need to be very, very calm. If you can't be calm, don't discuss it tonight.

He knows he has been caught. Otherwise he would not have said he doesn't want to fight. The next thing he needs to do is write a no contact letter. But please, please settle down. You are upset. It might be better to talk about it in the morning. But for sure, he needs to write that letter.

so shall I say "we will discuss it tomorrow"

should I let him sleep in my bedroom? I am trying to be calm but I need a plan

How calmed down can you get? I would let him sleep in your bed. He KNOWS he is caught. He will be expecting a big blow up. That will not help you.

What you have to request is a no contact letter. Probably not tonight though.

alrighty then....but what do I tell him before he gets home. I can get calm, I have God on my side.

just please tell me what to say so I can end the text message conversation gracefully.....I asked him "what are you going to do" and he wants me to clarify. I did not tell him I knew anything at all, except for what he knows already.

I did reply "are you coming home is what I want to know"

now we are hanging.....

Is he going to call again? I would just let him come home. God is on your side. Your husband knows he is in big trouble. I would be pleasant tonight. If he asks you anything, you can tell him the truth - that your are very hurt right now. Leave it at that .

Tomorrow you can let him know a NC letter is necessary.

Now he asked "r we going to fight all night" i replied 'no'...

now he's asking again "I don't know why you asked me what I am going to do" I didn't answer.

I don't want to play this game right now....