im not going into this on the message board; but i need someone to talk to and its urgent; this is a grave emergency - please I need support from ANYONE bob, orchid anyone PLEASE.

my email is fox0r_owns_you@hotmail.com

-PLEASE.

please - anyone respond...PLEASE!

Hi, FoxOr.

I'm not very good at advice, or I'd email you. It gets pretty slow here at night, but there will be more people around later. I hope you're okay.

check your mail!
bb

you have mail

bob your email hasn't come...did you get the email address right?

fox0r_owns_you@hotmail.com

It'll get there fox.

Is there something we can help you with on the boards, friend ?

my mail id is purebob splat evomail dot co dot uk

<---------------This is from my emails to Aaron---------------->
Aaron,

I couple of weeks ago, on one of your threads, I promised to go back and read everything and give you my opinion. I never did. Lots of good folks have given their's.

So, here's my take on your situation.

When I read about your childhood, and your experience in meeting your wife, pursuing and eventually marrying her, I really very much wanted you to "win". I wanted (and still want) you marriage to work for you for you to grow old with Shannon - raise a family together - grow wise together.. all the good stuff.

But...

Looking all the way back to the night you met her, your exerience of it was, I believe, quite different from hers. And, it still is today. Who is your W, really? You met her one night when you were a kid and in your mind she became somebody - and you built your dreams on that phantom you built in your mind. And even when you got to know her, I think this remained a problem.

I think, on that first night you met her, she treated you like she treated all the boys. It's easy for a girl to get close to a boy. It's just the natural way of things that boys are more interested in girls than girls are in boys (in a way). You had lived a very very difficult life, a very lonely life, and then *boom*, you met this girl - and all of a sudden you could imagine a very different life - that you could not imagine before.

You can still have that life, Aaron, but it might not be with this woman who is your wife right now.

Now look at it from her point of view. That magical night (to you), was to her, probably just another night, another boy - and maybe not even a very impressive one to her at that time. You were what, 15? 15-year-old guys don't usually impress the girls (unless the girl's 12, LOL).

I don't really know your wife at all. She is a complete blank to me, but I can make some guesses based on what you have said about her.

You see, for a girl, who is relatively attractive, finding an interested boy is pretty easy. Probably there were other guys interested. Maybe she was even involved with one or more of them in some way. I DON'T KNOW. Don't go obscessing about it, Aaron, I'm just speculating.

Why, you mgiht ask, go back to the beginning?

Maybe it doesn't matter. But I think, right from the beginning, you mis-read her.

You were like a starving man who got a few crumbs - and thought he had arrived at the bakery.

She was probably not in the least "hungry" for yet another boy pining after her.

HUGE diffference.

But you know all that. Why does it matter? Because although your wife has grown up a little, she seems not to have changed basicly.

Maybe you haven't either. You are still like a starving man - taking each crumb as if it were a whole loaf.

Can you help it? Probably not. It's not your fault you grew up like that.

So now, Aaron, your wife is all over the place. She doesn't know what she wants. But really, it seems that she wants fun and maybe, in a man, she wants maturiity, stability etc. - stuff you don't have yet. If she understood that this takes time, and she gave you the time, she might realize after awhile that she has a fine man. But she doesn't see it now, and she is living her life from a different set of values than you are.

You have got to settle down - try to master your emotions. Don't kill them, LOL. Master them.

There is a book... oh, you don't have time to read books, you mgiht think. You have time, believe me.

"The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce", is the name of it. In it, you will see some guys like yourself. It's not divorce alone, but the entire fractured childhood that makes it really hard to know how to live. If you never saw a good home-life, how would you know how to create one? It's incredibly difficult.

Part of this situation is your problem. You are so hungry for her affection that you are, well, the only word I've got is "unstable". You cannot stand up and be Aaron while you are desparate for her affection. I've got some of the same problem, so you are not alone in that.

-------------------

I just want to say, that I am very very sorry for your situation. I think I understand how much you need your wife - how much you need a life-partner - to not be alone. I wish I could tell you it's all going to be OK with her, but I can't. You can be OK down the road - even without her. I'm sure of that.

-AD

I'm going to bed.

It's not a 911 thing.

This is going to take lots of time.

-AD

What's the emergency? I'm awake!

Fox, are you still out there?

He answered my email once, but I've sent three looong messages since then. Maybe he's writing a reply to me.

I think he's on pacific time. I'm Central. It's quarter til 2 and I've got to work tomorrow. He's upset. You guys help him. OK?

-AD

I'll be "on and off" the board .................so I'll check in every now and then.

DEAR fox, this is your long feared D-day. I ache for you.

You will recover but you gonna hurt a LOT first.

I will bump up my tooklit thread for you. You have sand,you will survive this and thrive again.

Fox,

Sorry for the delayed response. I am out here in the middle of the pacific and working too many long hours.

What's going on? I will send you an e-mail. Can you call Jennifer or Steve @ MB?

L.

U got mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

orchid

Fox has proof of infdelity now. Its D-day and he is smashed.

Not sure he can afford steve or jennifer. He's a student.

Poor guy. This is hard. Well now he knows it makes it easier to move forward.

Reality bites hard. But it also lets go so we can heal.

Glad you were there for him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What a team we make eh? You cover the Atlantic coasts and I get the ones way out here in da' middle of big blue. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

{{{FoxOr}}}

Sorry you have to go through this.

Thinking of you.

Alph.

Oh, I remember that feeling...

Fox, try 2 think of it from this perspective. I know you won't be able 2 see the "good" in this at this point in time, but you've been given an oppor2nity with this news. You now know there's an explanation for her unreasonable behavior of late. Strange as it may sound, knowing it's fog is better than wondering if she's just unbalanced...

She's imma2re. And maybe she'll stay that way, but I'm betting that this can be saved. She may want her affair, but she also wants you (I didn't post 2 your other thread, but I have been reading along).

If we can help you get grounded, maybe you can help yourself be the strong H that she'll need in order 2 come out of her fog at some point.

Please take care. I know others will come along 2 help, but I have 2 pack my stuff and catch a plane in, like... ...NOW! LOL!

-ol' 2long