Do you have a counselor? Individual or couple? Either one would be helpful right now.
Also, if you feel you may be depressed, that could contribute to a number of things. Depression can cause weight gain or weight gain could trigger depression. Verbal abuse can trigger depression. Fear can trigger depression. Situational depression can become clinical depression. There are medications that can help with that. Talk with your doctor if you can.
If your husband is constantly or frequently looking at porn on the computer, he could have an addiction to the stuff. You might try
www.sanon.org to learn more about how sexual addiction could be affecting your life. If your h is the addict, you would be the co-addict. This organization is a 12 step organization much like Al-Anon.
I have copied the S-Anon checklist from their site. It is pasted below.
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The S-Anon Checklist
1. Have you often felt hurt, ashamed or embarrassed by someone else's sexual conduct?
2. Are you afraid to upset the sexaholic for fear that he or she will leave you?
3. Have you sometimes found yourself searching for clues about someone else's sexual behavior?
4. Have you ever fantasized, obsessed or worried about someone else's sexual problems?
5. Have you ever made threats to others or promises to yourself ("If this happens again, I'll leave.") that you did not carry out?
6. Have you ever tried to control somebody else's sexual thoughts or behavior by doing things like throwing away pornography, dressing suggestively, or being sexual with them in order to keep them from being sexual with others?
7. Has your involvement with another person or their sexual behavior ever affected your relationship with your children, your co-workers or other friends or family members?
8. Have you often lied to others or made excuses to yourself about another person's sexual conduct?
9. Have you had money problems because of someone else's sexual behavior?
10. Have you engaged in sexual behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or ashamed, or is physically dangerous, fearing that if you don't the sexaholic will leave you?
11. Have you ever felt confused and unable to separate what is true from what is not true when talking with the sexaholic?
12. Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide because of someone else's sexual behavior?
13. Have you often used sex to keep peace in the family or smooth over problems?
14. Does sex (for example, thinking about it, doing it, talking about it, worrying about it) play an all-consuming role in the relationship?
15. Have you ever felt abandoned emotionally because of your partner's use of pornography or masturbation?
16. Have you ever helped someone get out of jail or other legal trouble as a result of his or her sexual behavior, or feared that this kind of thing could happen?
17. Have you often thought that the sexaholic's behavior was caused by other people, such as friends or sexual partners? by society in general? by his/her job, religion, or birth family?
18. Have you ever suspected that anyone was inappropriately sexually interested in any of your children?
19. Do you feel alone in your problem?
