I will try to make this brief. I'm hoping to find some guidance. Brief history. My H and I have both had affairs. I married him directly after my divorce from my first H of 10 yrs, we had a child together and have now been married almost 6 years. I have had many affairs, always feeling somethign wasn't right, longing and looking for the answers in other men. After my H affair, I took a good hard look at myself, I turned my life around with the help of God and I have grown tons, I've been through an extremely emotionally hard time. I thought if I turned it all over to God and followed his teachings, it would all fall into place. I have read all the marriage books including "His Needs, Her Needs". The problem/feelign I am having trouble with, is when I married my husband, I didn't marry him for love, it was due to our pregnancy. I have grown to care about my husband very deeply but at times I feel he isn't the one for me or the man God intended for me. I don't know how to let that go or if I should even try. Maybe we just aren't meant to be together, or is it possible that it was the plan all along and God is molding us into the people/spouses he wants us to be.

Welcome to MB. A little more history if you don't mind. How many A's did you have and when did the most recent one end. Were they PA or EA's? When did your H's A begin and end and was it PA or EA? Have you been to IC? Are you and your H in MC? Last question for now, were you the OW with your H? Was your pregnancy the result of an A? Read Surviving An Affair if you have not already. I happen to also like Torn Assunder by Dave Carder.

I had 2 PA and 2 EA. They ended in January. I did meet a special man while my husband was having his EA and that sparked my husband to stop with the OW and come back to me. I guess I had an EA with that man, and I do continue to exchange emails with him periodically. He states he is in love with me and I feel an emotinoal connection with him. My husband had 1 PA and flirting with co-workers. I have been to IC to help me cope during the time my H PA was happening. H has not been to IC and we are not in MC. I was not the OW, this is my H first marriage. I met him after I left my first H.

Ok, glad that was cleared up about how your M started. First, smply you HAVE to end your current EA. NO CONTACT with OM. It is impossible to committ 100 % to your M if OM is involved. Have you both identified why the A's happened and what was lacking in your M? Have you taken the ENQ? I also believe that you both need counseling.

Hi Smplychelle 34,

You wrote: “I feel he isn't the one for me or the man God intended for me. . . Maybe we just aren't meant to be together, or is it possible that it was the plan all along and God is molding us into the people/spouses he wants us to be.”

My take on marriage (M) is that the person God intends for us is the one we are married to, and who is the father of our children. Whether any couple is “meant to be together” or not, you two are together, and you have a child. You took vows.

You care for your H very deeply, now remember that love is something we DO. It’s a choice we make to forsake all others and fulfill our responsibilities as a spouse. M isn’t going to be all flowers and romantic feelings all the time. Real life gets in the way.

Since the vows have been broken in your M, Jesus said you can get divorced (D), but he didn’t say you HAVE to get D. If you want to stay M and keep your family together, God can and will mold you into the people/spouses he wants you to be. It takes surrendering to His love and laws for people to be pliable enough to mold.

Staying M, learning to forgive each other, and learning how to get along is a very hard job. Would your H go to marriage counseling (MC) with you?


God bless,

Rose