i am m with three kids. h- cheated on me for the last two years or more with the same woman. their relationship resulted in two oc outside our marriage. i am hurt everytime i look at him. i have talked to the ow and she denies that he is the father but she tells him that he is. he says that he used a condom every time but she says it broke. i am so hurt and confused. if there was only cheating involved i may be able to forgive but he cheated and now supposedly has two oc with this girl. i want a divorce but he wants to stay. neither one of them (the ow or h is being honest)the ow knows all about me work, home, cellphone # etc. i feel that if i stay i will become very bitter and i'm only 27 and i have to be able to raise my kids in a loving environment. any advice will be greatly appreciated. he also is not trying to have a dna done right now he wants to wait.

I am really sorry to hear your story, t27amara. Your situation sounds unusually difficult. I will defer to the experts for advice.

I just wanted to write to you and say I'm sorry for your pain, it isn't fair.

t27amra, welcome to MB. I am so sorry for this painful situation. Is the A over? We have another member here whose H had two OC that is recovering succesfully. Her screen name is Delean-De.

t27amara,

So sorry to hear your story. My H also has an OC with OW, we have two children together. He cheated 3 mos after we married while I was pregnant with our first.

I must say first: DNA testing is necessary. OW in our sitch swore it was my H's and she had only been with him, later we found out that there was also another possible father. DNA tests proved that my H was the father. It was a relief just to know for sure. Unless he doesn't mind taking full responsibility for children that may not be his, paternity should be established as soon as possible.

Also, if your H is serious about saving your marriage, he needs to establish No Contact with OW until paternity is established and a custody/visitation agreement is filed with the courts. This is a great way to lessen the bitterness between the two of you and re-establish intimacy and trust. Read up on Plan A and Plan B. No Contact is essential for the survival of your marriage. You must work as a team. There is no "I" in team. Your H is cake-eating, fence-sitting and being downright cruel and deceitful. Call him on it. Have you thought about exposing his affair to his family, co-workers, and friends? Most affairs will shrivel up and die when the light shines....think about this.

You must decide how much you are willing to put up with and how much effort you are willing to put forth for your marriage. Only you know.

If you have serious doubts, cut out now. Save yourself the pain. But, if you both love eachother and are comitted to your marriage, you can make it through this. And believe it or not, your marriage might end up being stronger and more loving than it ever has.

Your H needs to step up to the plate here. Demand respect and compliance.....stand up for yourself and your marriage. Do what is best for you and your children, whatever that may be!

Big Hugs,
AVNL

I'm here. You can email me, too.

niosgirlatyahoodotcom

First. Breathe. Nothing has to be decided and set in stone RIGHT NOW. You have to get your footing. Allow no pressure from ANYONE....not your family, not him...no one. This is utimately YOUR decision...and everyone here will back it up REGARDLESS of what you decide.

Come here for comfort. These are the ONLY people you'll hear of that have kept breathing through this. I thought I was the only in the world with this problem till I stumbled in here.

Read all you can on this website. AND DEMAND a DNA test. If he wants you to stay or not, you are dealing with people that have lied, lied, lied. The path to the truth begins with accountablity.

You can view my posts to get a little background about me by clicking on my screen name - so you can know where I'm coming from and to know for certain you are not alone.

(T27amara)

- Kimmy

thank you for sharing your story with me. this weekend was the first one in a long time that we spent together and there was no arguing and when people saw us together they said that they haven't seen us together in a long time. i thought about the affair this weekend but it is getting easier to listen without being hysterical. he answers my questions so for now i am just taking it one breath at a time.

t27, my name is whitegirl and Kimmy and I share close to the same story. I have just recently found out that my H has a 2nd OC by OW. SO i DO know what you are going through. AS Kimmy says just keep breathing. You DO NOT have to make a decision now on what you want to do. YOu will knoe when the time is right whether you can stay or can not stay. It takes time. Remeber to make time for yourself. YOu need to do things for yourself so that you dont go crazy and so that you are not conosotanttly thinkinkg about the situation. Please feel free to email anytime you want to talk.

thanks for replying whitegirl. I get so upset everytime i ask him a question about the a. it really helps me to know that there are other people who have survived. H told me that he cheated because he knew that i would be at home asleep for work the next morning and he thought i would not get up and have sex with him and the ow was not working so she was always available. I NEVER HAD ANY IDEA THAT GETTING SLEEP FOR WORK WOULD GIVE YOUR H AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT. (HE DIDN'T EVEN COME HOME AND TRY FIRST.

Dont beleieve that a man will give nay excuse he can, for why he had the a. To me that does not seem like the real reason. That is just a bs excuse. Sorry to mean to be mean about that. But thats all they are is sorry [censored] bs excuses. I say the same about my H. They are bs excuses. Now it is up to you and ONLY YOU if you want to try to work this out and stay or if you do not want to stay. May I ask how old are they children(just askin?)I say i have not completly survived yet, this news of the second oc is still new to me, but I AM TAKING IT DAY BY DAY, and that is all you can do, take it day by day. Rember what Kimmy says BREATHE/ KEEP BREATHING

my children are 11,6, and 2.
the ow children are 1year old and 6 weeks old. she even lied about their names. she said their names were terrance and tinya when actually the son is named after him as a junior. i have the first born son and he is not a junior so i feel that she was being spiteful knowing that she was sleeping with a married man who already had children. what do you think?

Do you have all boys?

See here is my situation.

I have a 15yr old stepson
a 10yr old step son
and my son will be 6.

She has OC#1 who is a girl who is 18 months
and oc#2 who is a girl and she is little over 2 months.

She named the 2OC after my H but used a female version of it as HER FIRST NAME. She did that out of SPITE> I told him I will never in myu life call her by her first name, i will only call her by her middle name. My H said the same thing he thought that was totally wrong. So yes, I do believe taht she did do it out spite.

my two oldest children are boys and my baby who is two is a girl. the ow kids are girl 20 months and boy six weeks. i can not even call my husband by his first name anymore. i call him by his middle name because it hurts me so much to know that there is a junior that was conceived during our marriage with ow just out of spite.

It will take time. It will all take time. But I REFUSE To EVER call that child by her first name. The OW is soo spiteful. can you click on my link and email. YOu can personally email me if you would like to talk more.

can you e-mail me @ y216469@yahoo.com so that i can get your e-mail address please